Time for Christmas rants?

The BBQ Pit
1

Okay, so FIL sends us a Christmas package. Very thoughtful of him, and he certainly didn’t have to. Also sends us an email telling us to look out for it. Mr. Rilch responds to that email, and I send the thank-you when the package arrives.

Now FIL is aggravated with Mr. Rilch, and me, because FILWife (his second wife. And not Mr. Rilch’s “stepmom” by any means; just his dad’s wife.) is aggravated. Why, you ask? Because at no point in the letter did either of us specifically acknowledge that one of the items was personally from FILWife. It should have been obvious, he says. It’s not something he would have chosen, so it had to have been from FILWife. And neither of us gave her a specific, personal thank-you for Item.

Mr. Rilch tries to placate him, and continues trying while FIL drags up all the other petty, bullshit things FILWIfe has chosen to make a scene over. Meanwhile, I’m scribbling on a notepad, “Tell him that if FILWIfe wants to be friends, perhaps she should stop digging in her heels over petty, bullshit things like [incident] and [other incident] and [other other incident].”

He didn’t tell his dad that, actually, but that’s his call. He doesn’t tell me how to wrangle my mom either. What he did say after he hung up, though, was, “Yeah, and FILWife had such impeccable etiquette when she was porking a married guy!” (Yes, she was the Other Woman for years. Classically, MIL only knew about it in the final stages, when FIL was no longer covering his tracks, in passive-aggressive hope that she would catch on and boot him out. Which she did.)

So I feel bad that FIL feels bad, but believe me, FILWife chooses to create these situations. And YMMV, but it seems to me that in her position, she should be the one treading lightly with her husband’s son, not expecting Mr. Rilch to kiss her ass. And Item was not something that only she could have chosen, believe me. It was a good-quality gift, much appreciated, but not unique. Anyway, how are we supposed to know what has her stamp on it and what doesn’t? She has no personality that I’m aware of!

Sorry, not very ranty. But I’d like this to stay in the Pit, by the mods’ grace, because I’ve no doubt that others will have more incendiary Christmas rants.

2

There’s always room for Christmas rants! (or is that Jello?)

I still cannot comprehend how giving gifts can really bring out the worst in some people.

My Mother has a touch of that in her. If you take just a bit too long to oohhh and aahhhh over a gift (you have about a nanosecond after the tape is broken) or you don’t do it with the enthusiasm she deemed you should have - there is hell to pay.

Sorry about the evil bitch creating problems. Don’t let the interloping, home wrecking bitch get ya down.

3

This is not a Christmas rant per se, but I have to post it because it comes up everytime my family gets together – so always at Christmas.

“Where do you want to go to eat?”
“I don’t care.”
“How about Pretty Good Restaurant?”
“No, I don’t want to go there.”

GAH! If you don’t want to go there, then you do care. Make a fricking suggestion! See, the way this works is, I say A. If you veto A, then you have to suggest B. And at no time do you say “I don’t care” when you obviously do. Instead you want us to play a pointless guessing game:

“Where should we go eat?”
“I don’t care.”
“Restaurant A?”
“No, not there.”
“Restaurant B?”
“No. Our meal wasn’t very good last time.”
“Restaurant C?”
“No, I don’t feel like Italian [Mexican/Chinese/whatever].”

Etc., etc. This is beyond annoying! STOP IT!!

But it doesn’t stop, and we can’t make it stop. Why not? Surely you’ve guessed: The person in question is my mother. Mama acts like Mama acts, and we can’t change her. So that leaves the options of (A) going postal and ruining Christmas with a big fight over a small thing, or (B) putting up with something that drives us batty, and posting about it on a message board.

4

For years, my mother and I *both *played the “I don’t care” game, which as you might expect, gets us nowhere very fast. I finally changed the rules last year: One of us suggests two or three places, and the other is obligated to choose one of them. Period. No more endless non-debates.

My Christmas rant is a weird one. I like Christmas Mass (the Catholic One.) I’m not Catholic, not even Christian, nor will I ever convert (unless they do away with that whole “only” by Jesus part, but I don’t see that happening soon). But I like the Mass, so I go when I can. My husband mentioned to his mother (VERY Catholic) that I was going to Mass for Christmas and she and her husband were welcome to join me.

Apparently, the Pope Hisself is going to be in my living room to Confirm me, my pagan children and my wayward lost Catholic pagan husband. At least, that’s what her reaction has been. She’s over the moon ecstatic, and rubbing it in my sister-in-law’s face and generally being a psycho about it. Which, of course, has my SIL a bit annoyed because she thinks I’m sucking up, and I’m not. In fact, which NO one seems to remember, I’ve gone with them to Catholic Christmas Mass near their house every year for the last 6, except the one year I went with my own mother to the UU service. THIS IS NOT NEWS, PEOPLE! I like churches of all types. But I ain’t converting to no one! Shut up, shut up, shut up!

5

Why in the hell should you fell bad for your FIL? He allows his wife to treat his son and son’s family (IOW, you) this way and you feel bad for FIL? Screw him. Adult children don’t need protection, but they do deserve some respect from their parent’s SO, even if it’s just a thin-lipped smile that erupts after you have left/gotten off the phone. You and your husband shouldnt’ have to listen to it.
(Not ranting at you, just madder for you than you seem to be for yourself).

Also - what is the deal with gift giving? Can we all get together and sign an agreement?
I, <state your name>, do fully understand that I am not owed a gift from anyone. I further understand that should I receive a gift, it would be rude beyond compare to question the motive or price in the presence or within earshot of the gift giver or the gift giver’s close friends or family. Should I receive something I think is tacky, ugly or cheap, I will smile politely, thank the giver and follow up with a quick thank you note should the situation warrant.
I also understand that in the event I choose to give gifts to others, I will do so with a giving spirit an not grudgingly. I will not tell the gift receiver how much I spent on the gift. I will not complain about the traffic I drove through to get to the store, nor the surly salespeople. I will not complain about the enthusiasm or lack thereof of the recipient. I will give with no strings attached and happiness in my heart.
In Santa’s name we pray. Amen.

**WhyNot ** - I also am a Christmas church goer. I just like the Episcopal mass and incense and ritual.

6

My boyfriend is broke. I know he’s broke. He’s been broke since I hooked up with him because he’s going to school. He knows I know. He knows I don’t care.

I don’t expect a present from him. I expect him to spend whatever money he comes by this month to buy presents for his parents (who are helping him through school). We’ve talked about gifts for his parents. We haven’t talked about gifts for me - because, again, I don’t expect one.

He needs to STOP avoiding me and come over. I got a gift for him. Nothing exciting, just a practical gift that he could use. I know he’s avoiding coming over because he’s got no gift.

He needs to wake up and realize that not all people are materialistic bitches. He should know me better. But I can’t call him on it lest he actually DOES have a gift for me…or lest I just seem plain rude.

Come get your gift!!

7

I have one, but it’s on behalf of my friend. Her family decided yesterday that they were not going to exchange gifts this year. She had already shopped and was pretty pleased with the thoughtful gifts she had chosen, so now she’s kind of hearbroken. She knew her family wasn’t going to get anybody really special gifts, but to decide with less than a week before chrismas that they (her entire family except for one brother) weren’t going to bother at all is very dispiritng. They could have thought about it at all and decided a month ago.

So she’s upset because her family is even more callous and selfish than they’ve been in years past, and I feel bad for her. She said she will probably give her friends the gifts she had chosen for the family.

8

There’s this young guy at my work who just had a baby with his wife, their first. All he does is complain: the baby is loud, the baby keeps them up at night, etc. He never seems happy or excited about it. It just rubs me the wrong way, and makes me feel sorry for his wife, but whatever. Maybe she has the same attitude.

Now he just told me that he doesn’t have any Christmas presents for his wife! Just hasn’t bought her anything and doesn’t really plan to. Now I really feel sorry for her.

If I didn’t get my wife anything for Christmas, and didn’t think it was that big a deal, especially when Christmas comes just a few weeks after she had a freaking baby, the things she would do to me would make me wish for the sweet release of death.

9

Time for Christmas rants? No! Fuck you. I hate how this time of year everyone starts whining about how goddamned stressed they are and everything isn’t going abso-fucking-lutely perfect and oh-my-god some fucking relative who is always mean to me is coming and I gotta play nice …

:smiley:

10

Autumn Almanac, it’s possible they both decided to not exchange gifts, maybe because they’d rather save the money with a new baby in the house. My husband and I haven’t exchanged Christmas gifts in many years, though it’s because we just don’t see any reason to.

11

You’re discounting his feelings on receiving but being unable to give. If it were me, I’d feel very, very small.

12

I haven’t met his wife, so I don’t know how she feels about it, but I hope you’re right.

13

Dear Dept Heads,

Thanks for the Christmas party. Yes, I know it was expensive. Yes I know it cost a lot of money. Yes, I’m suitably grateful…for food, of which I have plenty home…for drinks, where I have better home…for the chance for you to show me up in all your nice new designer clothes. Yes, I’m wearing what I normally wear to work. See, I spent all of my Christmas Bonus on clothes. (Yeah, I Know I don’t get a Christmas Bonus but you do. That’s the point, Dolt.)

If only I could have opted out and gotten the cash equivolent, even after taxes, to buy a nice® present for my wife and kids. But no, I got to plaster a phony smile on my face & watch you drink like a fish and shake your money-makers in the Partners faces while taking turns sitting on their laps. And not bother to show up to work today, you Fucking Lushes.

Yes, I am extremely greatful for the fact that you can abuse your position to throw yourselves a nice big drink fest, allow us Pions to attend if we’re suitably quiet & suitably greatful so you can get away with putting it on company plastic. And we were so thrilled to hear which Mercedes you were picking out with your checks…a check we make possible by working umpteen hours for no overtime while you can say “I Don’t Work Fridays”. But none of that filters down to us, the people who make it possible. Not even a $50 gift card. But thanks for inviting us to your party.

Merry Fucking Christmas. :mad:

14

She should give them all to charity, and let her family know that she had bought them all really nice gifts before learning that they had all decided not to exchange this year, so she donated all of them to the needy.

15

Alma, I’m a bit confused. Why can’t your friend still give her family the gifts she purchased for them? What does their deciding not to give gifts have to do with anything? Do you mean that she only bought things for them because she was expecting gifts in return? Is this behavior what makes you consider them cold and callous?

16

My mother and I play another version of the “I Don’t Care” game. I know she likes stuff from Bath & Body Works, specifically the hand soap and lotion. When I asked her what scents she likes (because some people can be very picky about scents - I know I am), she says, “I don’t care. Just not raspberry.”
Me: “Okay, how about vanilla?”
Mom: “I don’t care. I guess vanilla’s okay. Just no citrus scents. I don’t really care.”
Me: “Okay, no citrus and no raspberry, but vanilla. Anything else?”
Mom: “Oh, anything is fine. I don’t care. I think there’s a ginger something that I liked. I don’t care, though.”
Me: “Okay, vanilla and maybe a ginger. What else do you like?”
Mom: “Oh, I don’t care. I don’t think I’d like apple. I don’t care though. Whatever you pick is fine.”
:smack:

It’s like pulling teeth to get a straight answer.

17

My ex-wife used to drive me crazy with that. We finally had to do a modified version of “Name Three Places” where she had to decide on three places, tell me to decide three places or make me decide on who had to decide. We’d also do “On the Table” where someone would name a place and then we had to either go there or the other person had to name a place. In both games, naming a place where it was known that the other person hated it was not allowed.

18

I think it’s because usually with family Christmas get-togethers there’s a gift-opening session. Now there won’t be one, so she has to go to each person and give them their gift and deal with the awkwardness of “I didn’t get you anything/I didn’t know we were doing gifts.”

Also, many people - especially like the woman described, who buy thoughtful, personal gifts - do their shopping pretty early. At least earlier than Dec 1. So if the family didn’t come up with this “no gifts” thing until a couple weeks before Christmas, anyone who shops earlier would be SOL while the lazy doofuses who wait until the last minute (I’m not talking about everyone who does this - I didn’t buy my gifts till like Dec 10…you know who I’m talking about) get “off” from having to buy gifts, without regard to the people who were thoughful/organized enough to buy gifts early.

I can totally see **Alma’**s friend’s POV - she’s not upset that she won’t be receiving gifts, she’s upset that now she’s in the awkward position of what to do with the gifts she got.

19

Yeah, I got one for ya.

Hey 3M – you spent the last three or four Christmas seasons ramming your “oh my fucking god it’s the best thing in the world” tape dispenser down my throat. You know, the little thing that you wear on your wrist that let’s you grab a perfectly sized piece of tape with one hand? And you know what, it is really handy. So handy that I’ve used it each year, picking up a refill pack or two each season and using them up on wrapping presents.

So where the fuck are the refill packs this year? Huh?? 'Cause they sure as shit aren’t in any of the stores around here. What, you think you can come out with a good product and then just decide “Oh, know what? We’d rather you go back to doing it the old, suck-ass, annoying way. Kindly go fuck yourselves”.

Grrrrrrr…

20

An open letter to MiL & FiL, plus bonus snarky SiL rant:

No, I won’t forward you a grand so you can buy Xmas presents for the grandkids. As far as I am concerned, their present is the roof over their pwecious wittle heads. Their parents don’t pay you jack shit for rent, so THEY can buy presents. I have made cookies with the little brats (who are the poster children for post-natal abortion when around their mother, but sweet as hell with me), I have done my part. No, I won’t be there Christmas morning, either. I don’t want to hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth over “Well, The Sausage Creature and The Highwayman are SET for LIFE, they should help the rest of us out!” You want help? I’ve offered a million times to take your ass to college and get you set up. It ain’t brain science. You show up to JC and get good grades, then you go to a big school and get good grades. God forbid you should stop smoking chronic all day and get off your fucking ass and DO SOMETHING.

By the way, sainted MiL (And she really is a swell lady, for the most part) did you not realize that the money you ask for from us has about a 80% of being a freakin’ LOAN (and 20% of being my hard-earned scholarship money)? Are you from Mars, do you think your son pays for private law school out of some mystery college fund that doesn’t exist, and that he’s got plenty of cash cause hey, he’s gonna be a LAWYER, woohoo big money, pass it around moneybags! And who cares that the student loan repayment will be the size of a mortgage, Christmas is NOW!? GAH!

Hallelujah, Holy Shit, pass the tylenol!