This post has not been graped by the grapist.
When my dog has to go out and wakes me up 20 minutes before my alarm goes off. Not enough time to go back to sleep. Annoys the shit out of me.
When the packers at the grocery store mix the cold food in with dry goods. Especially after I’ve gone to the trouble to separate them first. I did this for a reason people! I’m going back to work and have to take the cold stuff in to put in the fridge and don’t want to have to go through every single bag to check!
People posting something with an asterisk after a word* and then don’t explain the footnote. I understand that an asterisk indicates a footnote - is there some other meaning to this of which I am not aware?
Pedestrians who think that pedestrian crossings are a Magic Place. Where you can defy death and injury no matter if you don’t even skip a beat to bother looking for cars traveling at 60 k’s before you blithely step onto its Grid Of Magical Protection with your iPod in one ear and your phone in the other, and a big echoing space in between.
And they *dare *give me the finger when I’ve just screeched to a halt and narrowly avoided being rear-ended in order to save their pea-brained, inconsiderate life. (And the bonnet and windscreen.)
Makes me wanna splat the fuckers. And be the innocent victim of their suicide wish.
One day, Alice…one day…
I don’t mind that so much (I mean, I do mind it but…) because I’m used to it so I’m always more careful around pedestrian crossings. The ones I really want to run over and then back up so I can run over them again are the idiots that cross at unmarked spaces in the road TWO FEET FROM A DAMN CROSSWALK, like the lady who dragged her kid out in front of me from between a giant pickup and an SUV yesterday. Smart, lady. Real smart.
Also yesterday, I saw a kid on a bicycle almost get taken out at the intersection of two major highways because he crossed 1) at an angle 2) against a light 3) without so much as glancing in either direction. I was disappointed that he didn’t get hit (oh, it wouldn’t have hurt him too bad; the vehicle that very nearly got him (honestly, I’ve never seen anybody come that close to getting hit and then not) had just come out of a left hand turn and was barely moving…).
My whole LIFE is composed of tiny things, insignificant or not, that tick me off! :mad:
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The dickwad, cheery weatherman on the morning news who announces it’s gonna be a HOT one! That we should crank up the AC (what if you don’t have AC?). That we should all drop everything, get in our cars and drive several miles to a body of water or a questionable city swimming pool, regardless of our age, size, or health, and bob around in the e. coli infested water like idiots. Or we are simply ordered to “Get out there and ENJOY it!” What, go out and caper around on the lawn, turning cartwheels?
STFU, weatherman, you’re sitting in a nice cool office all goddam day. -
A bear comes wandering out of the woods into the suburbs. Mass hysteria, experts are called in, tranquilizing guns are readied. (the last poor bear found itself not relocated, but dead.) As sure as the sun rises in the East, you will hear/read “Yogi Bear is looking for a pic-a-nic basket”, yuk-yuk. (and of course the big interview with Betty Bucktooth, Frightened Resident, on the evening news - “oh, yeah, I kept my kids inside all day long until they caught the bear, it was pretty scary!”)
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I’m in a store. I have to buy a particular item, and I’m in a hurry. Why is it when I reach that particular aisle, there is someone mean looking, standing right there with a shopping cart, pondering that particular shelf? Or there is someone there stocking shelves, and carts and boxes are blocking the way? It’s uncanny, like a super-power: think of a place you have to be, and the universe will immediately put an obstacle in front of it.
I got more, but I’m muttering to myself like a crazy person…
Well, for what it’s worth, I think you SHOULD go out and caper around on the lawn. And post pictures. 
Urgg. My worst pedestrian story happened last year. The road I take home from work goes along a river, and is fairly curvy. The speed limit is 50 mph. There are a lot of people that like to fish this river. So I came around one curve one day to find some idiot casually strolling across the street with his fishing pole about twenty feet in front of me. I had to stand on the brakes to keep from killing him. He had parked his car juuust beyond this blind curve. Idiot.
Oh, I don’t mind those ones so much Silver Fire. They’re the ones I hit.
In your honour, I’ll back over the next one as well.
salinqmind, where was Mr Ranger? Betty Bucktooth and Frightened Resident are my favourite Hanna Barbera charaters!!
I almost hit some jackass on a bike last night who was apparently so very important he couldn’t actually stop to avoid the possibility of being maimed or killed. I had pulled partially into the drive with the intention of backing out, then pulling up to the curb so I wouldn’t block my husband from getting out since he had to leave before me and we have the one garage. So I pull partially into the driveway, then back out, then begin to pull forward when a bike comes zooming around the corner and the asshole, instead of stopping and waiting (because it was clear what I was doing), decides to go around the front of my car. There couldn’t have been more than two or three feet - just enough for him to fit - between the car and the curb. But, no, he absolutely had to go. Grrrr…
Oh, I also hate mouth noises. Or people who sound like they have food in their mouths when they’re speaking. Sometimes I can’t listen to NPR because some of their speakers sound all…creamy. Furthermore, I can’t stand it when people do the heavy, nose-whistling inhale when they speak. Ick.
Also, I hate the word creamy. It sounds disgusting.
I hate that too! I even close the unused locker doors at the gym, it bothers me so much.
Sorry, but the guy who puts his feet on the tables in the lunch room (not kidding or exaggerating here!) prevents me from eating in there. Well, that and the woman who cleans the lunchroom uses the same tools as the ones she used to clean the bathrooms. (Yes, I know I’m getting a little crazy.)
Ah. No. Not crazy DG. The thought of the same cloth being swiped across a toilet rim, rinsed, and slopped over the table I’m intending to eat at makes me want to puke all over the pig with his feet on it.
Just quietly ask him to escort your cleaner across the road just near a zebra crossing…
You can watch from the window if you like. I’ll back over them both twice - once for you, and once for Silver Fire (since I already promised.)
Fuck it. I deserve something out of all this. I’ll grind the twin skinkfilths into a whole new kinda road pizza. And in celebration, you can make a bonfire out of the table.
Mmmmmmmm… crrrrreamy.
Yeah, that’s why everyone in this office eats in the conference room. So add that to my list: when I walk in there for a meeting or conference call and I have to wipe crumbs and that fucking abomination, ranch dressing, off the table before I can put my laptop, notebook, whatever, down. :mad: I hate going to a business meeting and having to bus the damn table after that last inconsiderate cow-orker jerkoff who couldn’t be bothered to wipe up after herself.
ETA: Oh, ranch dressing also ticks me off. It’s just… wrong.
People who use non-words like “cow-orker”.
Sorry.
:: snerk ::
Sorry I used it, then. 
But really, I am referring to women who I think of as bovines, so the moniker is accurate in this case.
I would SO do this to you, and I would think it was very funny.
Me too.
I was going to post this. They do this on my street in big herds after they get off the bus. I want to mow them down in my car. Use the sidewalk, idiots!
Ladies who power-walk in black yoga pants with their blond hair in ponytails and pumping their arms as they walk. This is what guns were made for.
Cars that won’t pull up into the intersection when they’re turning left at a stoplight. Who told them that they have to wait at the line until there are no cars coming for 2 miles?
The receptionist in the pediatrician’s office who speaks to me in person in that singsong telephone voice. Does she do this at home, too?
Beeping microwave buttons. Why must they beep? I’ve only ever had one microwave where you could turn it off.
Funny clothes-montage scenes in movies.
Special handshakes between friends in movies.
The goofy music they play in TV shows to let you know a light-hearted scene is occurring.
Checkers who thank me by my name as they read it off my receipt. I know they’re instructed to do it, but it’s annoying.
I have removed my name from all the cards I hand to the cashier - then some of them try to figure out what the name is under the stuff I put on the card specifically to block my name. :smack: I got tired of hearing so many different mangled versions of my name, plus I don’t like artificial familiarity designed to make me feel like I’m getting better service.
Nnnnooooooo!!!
runs out of the room, jumps out the window & keeps right on running
You pedestrian-murderers would be in the big house if you lived here where I do, in The State’s Largest University Town. Where the slow-walking, yellow-line-standing, entitled snotty ass college students turn mild-mannered me into a homicidal maniac. (I have submitted this to the tourism agency as our city motto.)
Do NOT walk out into the street as I lawfully drive along, confidently timing your crossing .0029 seconds after my rear bumper passes your thigh. DO NOT stand there smugly on 3 inches of yellow center-line paint and assume you are protected. I have a coronary every time I have to zoom past you!
And it’s not just the students who do this. Highly educated (presumably) medical personnel! Doctors in scrubs looking like they’re about to save a life marching out into traffic like they own the road!
Le grr.