I mean, what in the name of my fictional Uncle Ted and his two ugly children is wrong with you?
I bought you two years ago and you worked fine, in fact you didn’t start bitching until the last six months, and that was only because the harddrive got unbalanced. And I took care of you, didn’t I? You got a new hard drive, more RAM, a CD-RW, a zip drive, a scanner, neat stickers…what more could you want?
So why do you do this to me? You only boot up once out of every ten or so attempts, and even when you do that you manage to do it without sound. You’ll decide not to let me access my CD drive. Oh, you’ll let me click on the icon, but you’ll never eject the damn music CD that’s in there without a paperclip.
I’ve reinstalled Windows (GASP!) and even gone to Linux, but even that doesn’t seem to sooth you. During boot-up you occasionally read my Maxtor drive as a L4Xt0y, which makes the following loading process oh-so more interesting.
Is it because I unplugged the neon wire that you used to have running along my desk? Is it because I actually uninstalled EverQuest after an hour of playing and sold my account to my co-worker? Do you not like the “I read your e-mail” bumper sticker?
Rest assured, I will teach you to obey me one way or another. I don’t care if I have to scanreg, format, fdisk or man-whore bitch slap you! Vengence shall be mine, and when the fires die down and the smoke has cleared, you will know your master is the ill-tempered son of poultry!