To the Abuser of Airplanes I Didn't See Yesterday

The BBQ Pit
1

Just what the FUCK were you thinking, joker?

Oh, excuse me, I shouldn’t assume you are capable of thought.

Let me explain for those of you just joining the party:

I am a pilot of small planes. I have a particular affection for one particular small airplane out at my local field, a Cessna 150 Aerobat. It’s not cool, it’s not sexy, and on more than one occassion while flying over a freeway I’ve lagged behind the auto traffic - it ain’t fast, either. But it’s a remarkable little airplane, and since it rolled off the assembly line 1975 it has flown in California and Indiana and every state in between - with the occassional foray into Ohio, Michigan, and Kentucky. Thousands of people have enjoyed bright sunny days in this little airplane, and have learned to fly and become good, safe, citizens of the sky. It has flown in day and in night, in sun and in rain, on pavement and on grass. On at least one occassion it safely landed during an emergency in a field distant from any airport. On at least one occassion it was landed at O’Hare (at 3 am - it was the only time the controllers would let such a slow aircraft in) It’s a simple airplane in operation, and relatively cheap to run (and rent). It is fully aerobatic, and advanced pilots take it up for spins and loops and rolls. It is also tame enough for a student pilot’s first solo, or a student practicing the most basic manuvers. In sum - this little airplane has more experience than most airplanes (or their pilots) will ever know. In all that time it has faithfully served mankind and never has anyone come to harm within it.

So why the FUCK did you risk killing it?

You landed with 1.5 gallons of gas left in the tanks. That is what, 10-15 minutes of flight, tops? That’s illegal you asshole - regs require at least 30 minutes of gas left. Sure, we all cut it a little close from time to time, maybe you just got delayed and ate into the reserve - which is forgivable. That is, after all, why the reserve is there. But you should have known you were cutting it that close and you didn’t even have the fucking courtesy to fill the goddamned tanks up before nightfall, or the sense to check to see just how close you cut it. Sure, it’s almost toylike compared to the bigger planes but it’s NOT a toy and as docile and forgiving as it may be you most certainly can kill yourself in it if you try. Not to mention having the tanks empty all night is a prime condition for condensation in the gas tanks. Or maybe you just don’t care that the next person in line might have water in the fuel lines or - worse yet - actual ice? After all, it’s not your worthless ass on the line.

You landed with just 3 quarts of oil left in the engine. There were 4.5 when I flew the plane the morning before. I know the oil burn on that airplane. Yes, the plane was flown 10 hours on Saturday, which could drop the oil that low - but it wouldn’t do that in just an hour or two. Which means you didn’t fucking pre-flight the airplane! How fucking stupid do you have to be to skip that?

Or maybe you did have enough oil, but you lost it in flight, And the only way to lose a quart and a half that quick is inverted flight for longer than a few seconds. Which is strictly forbidden - which you would know if you read the fucking manual!!!

But what the hell - drop the oil level, who gives a fuck if screws with the oil pressure and temperature and the goddamned engine overheats and seizes up. What the fuck do you care? It’s just a rental plane, it’s just a C150…

I won’t even mention the fact you left the gust lock out, or the fact that you’re idea of “tying down the plane” would make a boyscout weep. For damn sure you did not earn the merit badge for knot tying. If we had had a 40 mph gust last night (which do happen from time to time around here) that poor little plane would have shook loose and gone end over end. You’re just damn fucking lucky we had calm winds, really you were. Or do you think they wouldn’t come after you - with your name on the paperwork as last with the plane - after 1100 lbs of aluminum cartwheeled into the airport fuel depot or into someone’s front yard or living room?

What the hell, right? It’s just a fucking little beat up old 2-seat Cessna. Who the hell cares, right?

Well I care you lazy, son-of-bitch stupid bastard. If you can’t be trusted to handle a Cessna 150 responsibly - one of the easiest to care for, simplest, and least demanding aircraft around - they you can’t be trusted with anything else. You are an irresponsible jackass and yes, you could get someone killed.

Why should YOU care, you stupid asshole? Sure, it’s just a rental plane. But for that hour or three YOU have it, it’s the only thing between you and the fate of Icarus. Sure, they’re tough little planes and hard to kill - that’s why, 26 years after they stopped making new ones there are STILL so damned many of them all over the world - but it can be done. And it could happen with YOU in it.

Two quarts of oil later, 10 gallons of gas and a careful start and warm up (and that’s after an hour of cleaning the frost and ice off it) and check of the engine systems it was climbing into the sky again.

We are so damn lucky you didn’t fuck the engine up. It is amazing how much abuse these airplanes will take and keep running. But that’s no excuse for the abuse.

How dare you do this to an aircraft.

I’m sorry if the airplane isn’t as fast, or as sexy, or as cool as something else – no, wait, I’m NOT sorry. Because it ISN’T all those things, usually the only people who fly it are those who actually appreciate it and will take care of it.

But you - asshole, it’s not the airplane’s fault it’s not fast, or “cool” or whatever it is that you think it lacks. It was designed to be a primary trainer - an airplane that does a little of everything, but isn’t spectacular at anything. Except, maybe, surviving.

If you, mister asshole, were a student I could forgive you this - students, after all, are not fully trained. They are, by definition, not fully competant. Which is why they require such an airplane, one that will not be destroyed by the mistakes they make in learning. BUT YOU ARE NOT A STUDENT You are a pilot of many years and much experience. You should know better. In fact, I’m sure you do know better - but you choose not to act on that knowledge.

Aviation is NOT forgiving of fools.

If you want to kill yourself please do not take the airplane - or a passenger - or a bystander - with you. The airplane is not deserving of destruction. Neither is anyone else in the neighborhood.

(And before anyone asks, yes, this was reported to the proper authorities. What will happen? Probably no more than a warning if it’s his first “official” offense. But I can hope…)

2

Just out of curiosity:

Has the FBO banned the twit?

3

Cripes, I hope so - but it only happened yesterday, I reported it before the owner was in, and I had other committments so I couldn’t stay around.

Just pisses me off no end when people do dumb shit around airplanes…

4

I think you summed it up right there.

5

I like Cessnas. They just look so eager. I learned to fly in a 1970 C-172, the kind with the flat metal supporting the mains. It wasn’t as sleek as the later models with the tubular gear struts and the long tail skeg. Those looked fast, even if they weren’t. Dad’s 1970 model looked jaunty, standing high on its gear. It’s hard to explain. It looked “happy”.

When dad sold it, the woman who bought it had poor fuel management skills. She ran out on short final once, and another time the prop stopped on roll-out. I was offended.

I tracked ol’ 573 down to Fullerton Municipal Airport a couple of years ago. It was in sad shape. The left main had no rubber on it and the right main was flat. Black fluid caked the nosegear oleo strut. A rusty chain was wrapped around its cruise prop (which was put on right after dad bought the plane in 1976 – the original prop lost six inches when they were delivering '573 to him and they had to make an emergency landing at MCAS El Toro). It hadn’t flown in at least a year. It had been re-painted – badly. The interior was exactly as I remembered it, even down to the tape labels. (I don’t know what they’re called. It’s the plastic tape that you use in a thing with a letter disc on it. You squeeze the handle and the letters appear white on the plastic. Is there another name for this than “label-maker”?)

Poor '573! Such a nice flying aircraft! Remember the whir of the gyros? Remember the smell of hot vinyl and plastic and aluminum as you opened it up on a hot desert morning? Remember the strange little echo when you closed the oil access hatch – the “ping” that came back from the hangars? Remember flying off to the far western end of the Antelope Valley and turning around on a see-forever day and thinking “This moment is mine!”?

And now it’s a derelict. I mailed a letter to the owner asking if he wanted to sell it. It would have taken a lot of money to get it flying again. No doubt it needs an overhaul, and obviously it needs an annual. And the paint has got to go. How dare he paint my plane up like a whore! But I never heard back from him. As far as I know, '573 is still sitting derelict on a Southern California ramp.

6

Dymo tape.

7

" Treat your plane like your woman. Get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back - woof!!" - Squadron Commander Lord Flasheart, BlackAdder goes Forth

8

How about:

Local builder sold his craft to a know-it-all, I’m-boss-here type.

Buyer was told to always use carb heat on approach.

Buyer resented being told what to do.

The buyer survived the resulting crash. His son did not.

For those interested in finding out why idiots and planes have short-term relationships, play with the search engine at:

http://www.ntsb.gov/ntsb/query.asp#query_start

9

Did you, by any chance, spend as much time crafting a complaint as you did this OP? Just curious.

10

Local builder? As in homebuilt?

Putting a Cessna at risk is one thing… Destroying what was probably a work of art that took years to create is another.

Bastards!

11

Am I the only one who read the title of this thread and thought somebody unseen kept farting like boiled eggs on a commercial airliner?

12

I used to be a director of our flying club, and had to sit in on meetings where we had to pay the bills from various abuses of airplanes. There are a lot of very bad pilots out there.

There was one guy who flew our Mooney back from Calgary with the towbar still hanging off the nosegear. How he managed to retract the gear, lower it again, and not damage the fuselage, gear doors, or prop is a mystery.

There was the time when our ex-mechanic annualled our beautiful 172XP which had a brand-new O-360 with a constant-speed prop, left a major oil leak in it, then gave it to a pilot without a leak check or test flight - and the pilot never bothered to do either one himself, even though he helped put the cowlings back on after the annual. The result - a run-up pad covered in oil, and a $22,000 engine destroyed. Luckily, he was flying from our 15,000 foot military strip, so the engine siezed while he was still over the runway and he just descended and landed without a scratch.

One of our more abused C-150’s needed to go in for a 100 hour inspection, and I was ferrying it in to the city airport when the engine went BANG and started shaking the little plane. Turned out to be a blown piston. That episode scared the crap out of me. The airport is in the center of the city, and when it blew the only place I could have set down would have been maybe a school field. Luckily, that little Continental held together making 1800 RPM, and I managed to limp in with a slow descent rate.

We owned a Grumman AA1, and I flew it for 8 years. Proper warmups, no power-off shock-cooling descents, good engine leaning procedures, always clean oil, and that little bird got a pat on the spinner and a kind word after every flight. After 8 years, the engine compressions were almost identical to what they were when we bought it.

Treat 'em right, folks. Your other option is hideously expensive, and possibly fatal.

13

We had a student here fly 100nm+, land, get gas, and fly back.
With the cowl plugs still in.
The engine was a factory reman with 60 hours TT.

About a month ago, one of our CFIs “simulated” an engine failure by shutting off the fuel selector. A few minutes later, he and his student were soaking wet in a fishing boat, and the plane was in 50 feet of water. They couldn’t get it restarted and wound up in a reservoir.

14

yeah, builder - long-eze, iirc.

the builder was moving cross-country, and planned to build a cozy when he got there.

a retract with a tow bar - amazing! did you pin a medal on him/her before the summary execution?
that beats the hell out of the usual gust lock…

and, to keep things going - a cfi wiped out his third “confirmed kill” by doing a stall-it-over-the-runway landing (landings weren’t his strong suit).

problem was - 30’ up, in a pa-28.

scratch:

prop
crankshaft
firewall
engine mount
nose gear
lower cowl
forward belly skin
1 collasped main

I still don’t know why anyone rented him the plane - the first 2 crashes (yes, he was a known problem at the field) really should have been a tip-off…

15

Well, no, for some reason they don’t want hyperbole on the official forms. Or the “colorful metaphors”

16

Maybe he never retracted the gear? I mean, it’s possible… Did he complain that he couldn’t get the airspeed up to normal cruise?

17

I’m not an airplane person, I have no idea what a “gust lock” is.

But this is Alaska, land of 10,000 puddle-jumpers. Friend of the family was off in the mountains heading in for a hunting trip. Landed on a high glacial lake, and, according to the story, scraped a small chunk of ice with one of the floats on a 180.

It was listing by the time they got to shore, and in danger of going over by the time they got the gear unpacked. Long story short- I really don’t know the details- it sank. Completely.

This was roughly two months ago. It’s still there. They choppered in a Zodiac and some depth-finder/fish-finder gear… the depth finder has a stated range of 500 ft, and hasn’t found the bottom. They tried dragging with grapples and ropes- no luck.

Anybody got an ROV with lights and a good sonar we can borrow? :smiley:

18

A gust lock is a device that prevents the control surfaces from moving, thus preventing damage in gusty wind conditions when the aircraft is parked.

19

The Mooney: This was a Mooney M20-C, with the old ‘Johnson Bar’ gear retraction mechanism.

If you’re not familiar with it, a ‘Johnson Bar’ is a big steel bar that sits between the seats. When the gear is down, it’s upright against the panel with a mechanical lock on it. To get the gear up, you release the lock, and push the bar down. You can actually generate quite a bit of force.

He apparently just jammed the bar down to retract the gear - he said later it was harder than usual to get the bar fully seated.

He was really lucky on takeoff - the bar would have been facing forward, and was long enough to be sitting right under the prop. If it had hit a big groove in the pavement or something, it might have bounced up and into the prop. But that didn’t happen.

Once he was in the air, wind resistance would have caused the towbar to dangle behind the gear. So after that he was ‘safe’ He’s also lucky that on landing he didn’t flare with enough nose-up attitude to allow the towbar to dangle forward - if he had, it would have certainly wound up in the prop.

This same guy about a year later completely ignored a NOTAM at our air field about skydiving, and flew right through the jump zone as jumpers were hanging around under canopy. We were flying from a military base, and he almost got us kicked off it for that stunt.

20

Probably not, but judgling by those who have chimed in being in the “Doper Pilot” category, you’re likely in the minority.

You could join us on the “dark side” and take flying lessons… :smiley: heh, heh, heh…