I feel for the OP, it’s must feel terrible to know some petty cretin searched the net for the expressed purpose of embarrassing her. Kudos to the employer for ignoring it, and I can only hope that the snoop was chastised for their actions. However…
Count me as among those who find this outburst unwarranted. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to wonder exactly what the ‘outing’ was if it is not the assumed definition. Although I’ve condemned the snooping, it is also a perfectly reasonable response for someone to withhold judgment until such time as they know the whole story.
Hopefully no one is searching old threads trying to figure out the OPs secret, and she shouldn’t have invited us to do so. Either keep the secret or confide in us, but don’t ask us to perform our own petty snooping. I would also recommend that damaging information not be posted to the net. It’s like plastering it on the hood of your car, only more people will see it.
Those wondering what KellyM’s secret is - Otto appears to have hit the nail on the head. Using the information in his post, and the “search” button at the bottom of KellyM’s posts, the answer becomes evident within a few seconds.
KellyM, I’m sorry this has happened to you. I’ve recently blown some steam off in The Pit about a RL friend. While discussing that with another friend, she asked if I was at all concerned that the friend might take it upon herself to search these boards some day to see what I talk about here. I said that I’ve thought of that, and that I would consider it the equivilant of eavesdropping, and that if she heard no good about herself, then the old saying would hold true.
I try to stay aware that anything I say on these boards could be tracked down and held against me, especially as I don’t make any real effort to conceal my identity. What I reveal here isn’t between me and the computer, but in fact is between me and anyone who can use a computer. If I want to keep something out of the public arena, then this isn’t the place to discuss it. Sometimes it’s hard to keep that in mind!
Still, your co-worker is a jerk. (S)he must be a sad individual to need to pass his/her time spying on others, and being a tattle-tale. Your “secret” is nothing terrible, nor important, nor shocking. If your employer had taken any action against you because of it, they would have been commiting an act of gross descrimination. It doesn’t affect the way you do your job, and you have no obligation to inform anyone unless you choose to do so. Your eavesdropper is obviously a small-minded gossip
In such cases, I believe it is appropriate to mention those other beliefs and activities. Simply stating, “I’ve been outed.” will lead most to conclude ‘sexual’, because of common usage.
I agree with DWhite, though I do use a username but not to hide behind.
Interested parties:
Steven stone
Monterey, CA (I’m in the book!)
I’m not curious, KellyM, but I do hope it all works out. Co-workers can DEFINATELY be the very worst kind of assholes. I DID lose my job, and had no legal recourse, AND did nothing wrong. (No, I wasn’t outted)
I try to live my life according to this rule:
Act Impaccably.
It goes a long way to avoiding these situations. But never count out an asshole.
I transitioned over three months before I started this job. Prior to last week (as far as I know), only the director of human resources knew (and only because my name change wasn’t final when I started working, thanks to a stupid paperwork snafu at the newspaper which delayed my change of name hearing).
I’m not concerned so much about my “privacy” (I’m quite open socially about being transgender) as that I don’t think people should be gossiping about such matters to their superiors. It’s simply not proper conduct in the work place. It does not pertain to my job performance in any way and is therefore not something that anyone other than myself should be talking to my superiors about.
No. I will not accept that. I have a right to expect people to behave like civilized beings. It’s impossible for me to keep “my situation” completely private: if nothing else, my name change is a matter of public record. I could move to seal it, but fat chance of that happening.
I consider my social life and my work life separate. I believe this is still considered appropriate behavior (Miss Manners certainly seems to feel that way). Allow me my indignant outrage at someone who has forgotten this fundamental maxim of polite behavior.
With all due respect I don’t think your constitutional bundle of rights includes this. People can be, and are, petty and cruel and humans love to get the dish on others and gossip about it. Your expectation of “appropriate behavior” by all those cruising the net is charming in a way but is absurd in a real world sense. Regardless of whether you “accept” it or not Divemaster was right the first time, if you want to keep it private don’t talk about it on the net.
Astro–I think KellyM’s complaint was not so much that this person dug up dirt on them[sic], but that this person sent this information to the COO.
I agree that expecting that what you say on the net will remain private is absurd. But it’s really disturbing that this person sent this information to company officers.
What’s next? Dear Company President,
KellyM made a smelly poo-poo in the john.
Sincerely,
Ima Weasel
I’m not defending it, I’m explaining that putting personal information on the net and expecting as a “right” that malicious people will not make use of it is foolish in the extreme. In this scenario the real world lesson for you should be that you need to be more circumspect with personal information you choose to post that can be connected with you in any way. Your position, however, seems to be that you “will not accept” this unpleasant fact of modern life and will continue to post information in the expectation that others should behave appropriately. Good luck.
I’m sure a lot of people were “rude” to you kelly pre-op and during the transition process. I’m sure that you knew, just as I know as a bisexual female, just as Doob knows as a gay male (Doob is gay?), just as the gay women on this board know - if you choose to share personal information with anyone you have no control whatsoever over how that information is used; and if you choose to put that information in the public domain either via a messageboard or a webpage, you really have no recourse if that information is used against you in any which doesn’t contravene the law.
No-one can “out” you for information you have already put in the public domain. Yes, some spiteful, petty person drew your employer’s attention to the information, but you are the person who put the information out there. I’m sure that long before the transition, you dealt with the same kind of pettiness, bitchiness, and spite. You can deal with it and rise above it now.
It’s been said already in this thread, but I’ll say it again to re-enforce it : if you put the information in the public domain on a messageboard or a webpage, then you might as well be taking out fullpage display ads in the newspaper - it is not “private” and you have no right whatsoever (other than the usual remedies) to complain about the manner in which people choose to use the information with which you have provided them.
BTW - the very reason why I have such an issue with livejournals is because if your bare your soul on the web, then you have no right to complain if you find what you have written coming back to haunt you.
From where I sit, you made a mistake - you assumed you could trust the world, and you can’t. Get rid of the webpage, email the admins here and ask them to give you a new username (so the next person who intends you harm can’t track you by linking your screen-name etc), and if you choose to share information about your transgender status in the future, then think very, very carefully about why you are sharing that information and with whom.
Something isn’t “ringing true” here - perhaps you’d like to tell us the whole story.
I don’t think KellyM is looking for a legal recourse here. She is merely commenting on how it was an asshole-ish thing to do. And I agree. Gossiping is perhaps the lowest form of communication.
reprise Maybe KellyM was just mad at someone acting like a jerk.
Why not? If I provide someone with a gun and they shoot me with it then I am probably going to complain. I don’t have the responsibility to make sure that that person doesen’t shoot anyone after I give them the gun.
One more thing. Changing your screen name changes your screen name on all your posts much like your signature. It does not, however, change subject titles of threads.