To the fuckstick in the Camry

The BBQ Pit
1

The speed limit on Henry Road is 30 mph.

I was, in fact, doing 37 at the time. So what in the wide, wide world of sports did you think you were going to accomplish by trying to polish my licence plate with the nose of your flyspecked, loser-beige blandmobile?

If you had brains between your ears, instead of string cheese, you might have noticed the police station you had passed just prior to perching on my bumper, and might have divined that cruisers roll up or down that road every five minutes or less, all day long. Too bad one didn’t come along while you were practicing your Daytona drafting skills on me.

If you had eyes in your head, instead of a pair of wobbling eight balls, you might have seen the broken, bright yellow line prominently visible in the middle of the road, and that there was no approaching traffic during the entire time you were behind me. Pronounce it along with me, verrry slowwwly: “le-gal pass-ing zone”.

If you had the slightest glimmer of native intelligence, instead of an advanced degree in Dumbass from Texas Dumbass University,
you might have realized that rolling right up to my rear bumper and turning on your brights (in broad daylight) was unlikely to have any effect at all on my right foot, except to cause it to slowly but surely lift further and further off the accelerator.

Yes, I see you gesturing and babbling to yourself. Yes, I see the thunderous scowl that gives you a face like a slapped ass. Yes, I see you trying to pull up alongside me as we approach the intersection, and rolling down your window to give me a piece of – well, it couldn’t be your mind, since you haven’t got one – what, a piece of your string cheese? Whoops, there I go, turning off to the right, while there you sit, stewing in your rancid juices. Buh-bye.

Bottom line, you drooling shithead, is that unlike you I’m in no particular hurry; I don’t respond to bullying, and I simply don’t
care where it is you think, if that is the word, you’ve got to go.

Of course, there’s no chance that you might ever read this, as that would imply your possessing basic reading skills that, frankly, I doubt you could ever muster. Guess I’ll just have to take comfort in the knowledge that the ninety eternal seconds you spent furiously staring at my car’s ass ruined your whole day.

2

Hey! What’ve you got against T.D.U.?

Besides, I think he may have majored in Behavior Modification with only a minor in Dumbass. A lot of these drivers, when faced with even a small inconvenience to their illegal activities, take it upon themselves to Teach You A Lesson (via tailgating). The Lesson, of course, gets administered to both drivers, should the one in front have to stop suddenly for an emergency.

But that’s where the minor in Dumbass comes in handy.

3

Do people drive like that everywhere in Texas?

I ask, cause I’m a transplanted Chicagoan by birth living in the DFW area. I am quite the speedster myself, but at least once daily, while I’m doing EIGHTY PLUS in the fast lane, inevitably some jackass will pull up behind me and ride my ass till I can slow down enough to move over for the cockmonger.

4

That’s not just Texas. When I’m driving on I-285 in Atlanta (Speed Limit: 55), I regularly do 70 in the slow lane(!) and have em riding on my ass.

5

So normally you just cruise in the passing lane and don’t move over for someone who wants to pass?

6

It is a well known fact that the closer you are to a police station, the longer it will take to get a response. Check out the donut shops in your area.

Chill out, refugee from a Queekstraw cartoon. :slight_smile:

7

I saw this one coming!

S/he probably drives like me – I drive much faster than the regular flow of traffic, but there are always a few people who want to blast along even faster than I am. I do cruise in the passing lane, but I always move over when one of these people comes barreling up behind me, then move back after they’ve gone. If there is so much traffic that I can’t move over (rarely the case) then they’ve no business driving that fast to begin with. In those cases the traffic load tends to equalize over all the lanes.

Anyway, they’ve no business coming up and riding someone’s bumper over it, in any lane. If the traffic is light, just go around. If it’s too heavy, then no one can go any faster than they are, where-ever they are, and it will accomplish nothing. There’s no sense in creating a hazardous situation for both drivers over it.

8

This makes perfect sense if you ignore well-established driving etiquette. Unfortunately, convention dictates that I should not automatically try to go around you on the right, because that’s an unexpected (and therefore potentially dangerous) move (and illegal in some states, so not the best habit to form).

To the front car, who fully knows what he himself intends to do (which is to keep his ass parked in the left lane), the solution is obvious: just go around me, dude. But the person approaching from behind doesn’t know whether the front car is oblivious, rude, or simply slow to change lanes. I don’t know how many times I’ve finally decided to go around someone on the right and had them start to switch lanes immediately after I did because they finally had an “oh, he wants to go by” moment. I appreciate this, but for christ’s sake, if you’d just drive in the right lane to begin with, we wouldn’t have this problem.

I will give you a reasonable chance to do the polite thing and move over. If you ignore me, I’ll pull a little closer to you to make my desire even clearer (or flash my lights at you if it’s dark out). If you further ignore me, I’ll pass you on the right and honk at you as I go by. Yet if everyone just keeps to the right unless they’re passing, all of this nonsense is avoided and everyone gets to drive the speed they want. Fancy that.

The bottom line is that if you ever find yourself thinking “why won’t this guy just pass me on the right?” you’re driving like a jerk.

9

Back to the OP: El_Kabong, I think that fuckstick is the one that crawled up Mr. Butrscotch’s ass the other morning for having the NERVE to follow his traffic lane up onto the freeway. (Mr. Butrscotch managed to reduce his effective speed to 12 mph on the ramp, bless his li’l heart.)

Mr. Fuckstick got so upset that he started driving like a major asshole on the freeway, swerving, honking, and generally proving that he deserved what happened next: He attracted the attention of the handy policeman in the next lane, and last time Mr. Butrscotch saw him, he was sitting stopped in front of the cop, beating on his steering wheel in frustration.

Doesn’t it just make your day when True Justice is achieved?
:smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

10

When did I ever say that? I said I moved over when ever at all possible. If I’m going to be passing every car I come up to in the centre or right lane there’s no sense in me moving back and forth between cars incessantly when I’m going to be spending the majority of my time in the passing lane anyway. That’s just dangerous. Why would I pass one car, move into the next lane, only to move right back and pass the next car I come up to? I’m not talking about cruising down lonely interstate highways, most of my driving is in the city, 4 - 6 lane highways under usually moderate to heavy traffic conditions. Sometimes the leftmost lane is actually an EXIT lane. People pass on the right all the time. I think as long as people use their signals and pay attention to what’s going on around them, it’s all good. If the traffic is heavy people are GOING to drive in the left or “passing” lane as you like to call it, it’s going to happen, there’s nothing you can do about it.

I’ve been driving for five years, and never had an accident with another vehicle except for someone hitting my parked car, once. I drive half an hour to work and half an hour back every day and see all kinds of crap, and I can tell you tailgaters and people changing lanes w/out signaling are by far my two biggest pet peeves. I don’t care how slow whoever’s going in what lane, I don’t tailgate people. It’s dangerous and stupid.

Flash your lights and honk all you want, it’s your blood pressure, not mine.

11

Oh, and I just thought of this, but unless you’re passing the car to my rear passenger side, you have no more business being in the passing lane flashing your lights at me, than I do cruising there.

12

And yet at the same time, you expressed that people should “just go around” on the right if traffic is light. Those seem to contradict. If traffic is light, this fits into the “when ever at all possible” that you should move over, not expect people to go around. Right?

And nobody’s asking you to. But if you are planning on camping out in the passing lane, keep an eye out and try to be considerate, ok?

I’m not sure why you feel the need to spend this effort justifying how you drive in heavy traffic, when I was responding to the statement, “if traffic is light, just go around”.

Well, then you must be one hell of a considerate driver. No wait, those things are unrelated.

Ah, this is truly the statement of someone trying to be considerate to her fellow drivers.

Well obviously I’m not going to get over into the left lane just so I can get on your ass. Of course I’m over there because I’m passing someone.

I just don’t understand this hanging-out-in-the-left lane mentality. It’s pure selfishness. “Of course I don’t want to be in those right lanes – there are people going slow over there. I’ll just drive over there where the slow people aren’t in my way. No matter that I’m needlessly in other people’s way; this way I don’t have to even think. Besides, anyone who wants to pass me must have high blood pressure and just needs to settle down. What-evar.”

13

If someone is behind me, I DO move over. I said that in my original post. And then when someone comes up again, I MOVE AGAIN. It involves less lane-changing on my part because I’m already going faster than almost everyone else on the highway, except for a few people who are usually ALSO cruising down the “passing lane” just 10-15 mph more than my speeding of 10 mph over the limit to begin with.

People weave in and out of lanes all over the place in this city. It’s not even “passing”. It’s more like cruising in whichever lane is open until you get up behind someone going too slow for you. If I’m in the centre lane and someone’s in the left lane, and I can’t get around that way, I just get in the right lane and go that way. I don’t see why it’s such a huge deal. That’s what I mean when I say “just go around.” Your argument makes sense for a 2-lane highway in the middle of nowhere but not for a 6 or 8 lane loop through the middle of a city. I can’t think of a single instance where I’ve been in someone’s way because I was in the left lane and they wanted to pass the driver to my rear right. The ONLY times I have to move over a lane to let people pass is when they’re cruising the left lane, like I said, just faster than me. I just do whatever’s necessary to not kill myself or anyone else.

And if I do get stuck behind someone going to slow for me, I just wait until I have a chance to go around. I don’t sit there and honk, tailgate them, flash my lights or engage in other obnoxious behaviour.

14

Give it a rest. My “obnoxious behavior” consists of getting a little closer OR a single flash of my headlights. The two universal signs for “I want to get by, please.”

Part of the problem with people who park it in the fast lane is that they don’t understand driving etiquette, so any reasonable request for them to move aside is taken as “obnoxious” or some kind of personal affront.

15

Jin’s driving in Houston.

Sometimes, the only way to pull over to another lane to let Speed Demons From Hell (or Dallas) pass you is to BACK UP.

When i’m doing 85 on the Beltway and everyone in the center lane is doing 65, I can’t immediately move over, and inevitably SOME jerk will zoom up behind me and flash their lights. There IS no opening to move into, I have to slow down to be able to merge into the slower lane, and if Comb-over Boy in the new Porsche can’t deal with it, he’ll just have to have that coronary he’s been shopping for.

That said, I always get a giggle out of driving past those guys at the toll plaza as they scrounge for cash because the toll roads don’t take American Express. Or Visa.

And, for the record, I am a responsible adult and would never drive 20 MPH over the limit. Hardly ever.

16

Hey, fuckstick…oops, sorry, nfucker, did you miss the part where I said the guy drives up my ass before I even have a CHANCE TO MOVE OVER FOR HIM?!?

Here, let me reiterate it, since you were too illiterate or maybe in too much of a hurry to read my first post properly.

I check my rear mirror constantly and when I see someone coming up on me, I ALWAYS move over for him, because it’s the proper and polite thing to do, even if the OTHER guy is being an asshole…never mind the fact that I was doing 30+ over the speed limit on a 4 lane highway in the first fucking place. If traffic in the other 3 lanes is going 30 mph less than I with moderate-heavy traffic, it could take a minute for me to even be ABLE to move over for the jackass. Especially since DFW drivers aren’t very fond of letting people over in the first fucking place. I turn my signals on well in advance to let the guy know I’m TRYING to move over for him (bolded, because I wouldn’t want you to miss that fact, since you so blithely ran past the fact that I always move over for someone going faster in my first post), if he can’t wait till I’m safely able to do so, when I’m going 30+ over the speed limit anyways, too fucking bad for him, he’s just lucky I drive a nice car now, so don’t want to slam on my brakes forcing him to rearend me.

FYI, on 4+ lane highways, that lane is RARELY used as a passing lane, it’s usually referred to as the fast lane because people going fast drive in it. I’ve NEVER seen a 4+ lane highway in any major city where that lane is used strictly as a passing lane. And, I suspect, neither have you.

If it was a two lane highway where that lane WAS a passing lane I wouldn’t be in that lane in the first place. Unless I was passing.
And FYI, if I’ve got my turn signals on, signifying that I’m TRYING TO MOVE OVER FOR YOU, ASSHOLE, then yes, you riding my ass or flashing your lights even once, is fucking obnoxious.

17

I’m so very glad the other Texans in this thread understand what I’m talking about. Thank you, jinwicked and thatDDperson
ntucker is apparently the people we’re talking about, which is why the views we’re trying to express whooshed him.

18

No problemo. I drive 45, the 610 loop and 59 to get to one of my jobs, and the Beltway to get to the other. I guess you just gotta experience it to understand it. :stuck_out_tongue:

19

Oooh, I used to drive the Beltway and I-10 when I lived there. /shudder

20

Clever, but I think a kid named Jimmy from my 3rd grade class beat you to the punch.

Listen, you didn’t make it clear that traffic was so heavy you couldn’t move over – just that you thought it necessary to slow down before changing lanes. For all I knew you were one of those easily-spooked drivers that clenches up when they have to make a lane change. After my initial post, my entire argument was specifically referring to the light traffic conditions brought up by jinwicked, which obviously doesn’t apply to you. So get a grip.

Terrific. You’ve clearly mastered driving etiquette. That answers my only question. Wasn’t that easy?

Well you’ll have to point it out, because your first post didn’t actually say you always move over for someone going faster. It said you pull over for people driving up your ass. In fact, you’ll see that in my response to you, I tried to clarify whether or not you normally pull over for faster traffic.

Spoken like somone who has no clue what happens when you get rearended at freeway speeds.

This is the problem. They’re ALL passing lanes except the rightmost one. Yes, by virtue of being the lane that passes other passing lanes, the leftmost one is supposed to be the one with the fastest traffic, and therefore is commonly referred to as the “fast lane”. But lots of morons seem to think “fast lane” means “if you consider your speed ‘fast’, you should get in this lane and ignore anyone who wants to pass”, which is stupid.

I’ve never seen a highway in any major city where everyone used their turn signals either, but you’re still a dickhead if you don’t.

Well, since this is the first time you’ve mentioned turn signals, how the fuck was I supposed to know you were using them? You’re right, anyone who continues to flash their lights at you after you’ve indicated you’re moving over is a complete asshole.