Hello. I’m sure you’ve never encountered me before. Let me introduce myself; I’m Angel of the Lord. You might recognize that handle, as it is stored on my computer. You know, the one you entered this afternoon without my permission.
I’d like to let you know that I am fully enjoying the benefits of your work. You managed to reduce my connection speed to one-tenth of what it was before, which was a huge help. Our brand-new cable modem was too fast anyway.
I also love the random “there is not enough memory. . .” messages. They turn what would otherwise be a boring computing experience into an adventure, an excursion into the unknown. God knows my life was too mundane.
But the best part–the absolute BEST part–is that I am now afraid to work on my computer, lest I lose valuable information. I really didn’t need to work on my new short story this week. I didn’t need to use a fast connection, either–no, AOHell is just great; ideal even. Silly me, to think that I might want to use a computer that was made in the past five years, that has all my files on it, and that possesses all of my preferences.
I hope that all the kindness and courtesy that you have shown me is given back to you in spades. Truly, an action such as yours should not go unrewarded! As my father’s security network–while it was defeated–managed to capture enough information about you to verify your identity, I’m sure that your reward will come on swift wings, whisking you to far off places and new encounters, things that you cannot possibly imagine.
The only think I can’t figure out is this: why did you choose to gift my family and I with such a wonderful surprise? There is nothing special on our computer, just a bunch of old writing and school projects, coupled with the occaisional MP3 or original graphic. This data, while precious to me and others in my household, held no significance for you. Yet you chose in your infinite generosity to change it, to make it inaccessible to us. Thank you for protecting our precious files from ourselves.
Sincerely,
Angel of the Lord, AKA Gabe, AKA Rachel, AKA one angry chick.
