So I went to Gelson’s market today and the place is hopping because of the clerks’ strike at the major chains, and I’m sort of eyeing the registers to see which has the shortest line and CHA-CHING! - there’s a register with only one guy buying just a bottle of juice. So I get in line behind him as the cashier is ringing up his ONE BOTTLE OF JUICE, and this numb-nuts starts writing a FUCKING CHECK. FOR A FUCKING BOTTLE OF JUICE.
O.K., strike one…
Allright, don’t panic, Blowero - we just might survive this thing. Cashier says “May I see your I.D.?” Well, that shouldn’t take too long… Cashier examines I.D. for an inordinate amount of time, then begins writing customers driver’s license no. on the check. The thought occurs to me that Mr. “I like to write a check for a fucking bottle of juice” might want to have his D.L. number printed on his checks since grocery stores ALWAYS write it on the check - but still no biggie… Cashier says, “May I have your phone number?”. WHAT THE FUCK? Exactly how brain-dead do you have to be not to have your phone number printed on your checks? Have you EVER paid with a check when they didn’t ask for your phone number? If you can’t do that, could you at least have written it on the check ahead of time? Did I mention that it was for a FUCKING BOTTLE OF JUICE?
Keep a cool head, Blowero - we can get through this. After all, how long could it possibly take to buy a bottle of juice? Cashier writes phone number on check… examines check some more… picks up phone… Oh, God - here it comes… “Manager to aisle 7”
I quickly bail on the line, go to another lane, and I’m out the door with 9 items before juice-boy even gets his check approved.
I invite you, sir, to join us in the 21st Century and get yourself a debit card. It’s smaller, lighter, more convenient, and takes a mere fraction of the time of using a check. May your juice be like bile on your lips.
Did I mention the word “juice”?