To the SOB that seduced my 14 Y/O niece

The BBQ Pit
21

When I was 15, I dated a guy who was 20, then 21 (he had a Bday 1/2 through our relationship). It worked out well for me (self-esteem boost, learned how to say no, realized that just because a guy likes me doesn’t mean I can’t dump his ass, etc). At 16, I dated a 23 year old. I actually didn’t date any teenage males until I was 17, and I went through a LOT of boyfriends in those two years (8, if you’re interested). All the guys my own age made me want to stab them in the head (“Heh heh . . . boobs.”). I had a reputation around my school as a lesbian, because I dated HS girls, but college guys.

At the time, I thought it was DAMN cool.

One of my friends is actually engaged to, and buying a house with, a guy she met at age 15. She’s now 20, and it’s been one of the most stable relationships I’ve ever seen. He’s 5 years older than she is, I believe.

However, now that I’m 20, I can’t even imagine dating someone who’s 15 or 16. Hell, my little sister is 15. If one of my guy friends who’s my age started dating her, he’d get a swift punch in the eye. One of them almost did, just for hitting on her. So, I have to wonder what the HELL was going through these guys’ minds when I dated them. I’d like to think I was mature above my age, but who knows. I couldn’t have run into that many pedophiles, could I? (And I got hit on by a lot of early-20’s guys I didn’t even date.)

So, I don’t really know where I stand on this issue. I’d like to say “kick him in the hoohah!” - but then I pause and think about my relationships around that age, and none of them were bad. I never felt used or pressured, and the guys didn’t seem like pervs. I’ve always been able to tell someone to fuck off. I dumped all of them. I’ve seen a few since, and they still seem like decent guys. I guess it depends on the guy, maybe. And the girl, but to a lesser extent (we all know that some people just mature faster than others).

Of course, I think the minimun age for sex ought to be 16, not 14. That seems young, even to promiscuous ol’ me.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I might be flamed for it, but I’m just sharing my experiences with this situation.

22

Nonsense. Teenagers know whether or not they want something.

Manipulation… maybe. But it’s definitely not rape. Rape has an unwilling victim, and a girl who sneaks out at night to meet up with her boyfriend is not unwilling.

23

Eh, “definitely not” is too strong. I guess it’s possible that he secretly raped her, but nothing in either of the OP’s posts suggests that he did.

24

There are plenty of silly 14 year old girls out there that will quickly wiggle out of their panties without too much coercing for a “cute” boy. It’s not like he’s kidnapping her in off the street into a car. IMO the fact that she’s sneaking out at nght to let him bang her in a motor home makes it a stretch to consider him a “predator”. Immature, slacker creep with bad judgement maybe, but “predator” is a bit of a stretch when it’s the 14 year old that’s eagerly pursuing the relationship. 14 year olds may be immature but they’re not complete retards when it comes to consequences and what’s right and wrong, and there are plenty of immature 21 year olds out there, that are no more mature than 14 year olds.

I also suspect that it’s one of the main reasons the mother is not pursuing rape charges. You can set the statue of limitations at ony point you wish, but if my daughter was as aggressive as the “predator” in pursuing the relationship the “rapist/predator” label is bit hard to affix in a pragmatic sense, even if it’s legally applicable.

As a side note does this 14 year old girl have a father actively involved in her life?

25

I don’t mean to speak for another poster, but there is such a thing as rape that has a willing victim…statutory rape. This is a legal term and a legal offense. It occurs when a person under the age of legal consent has sex with a person over the age of legal consent. However, I don’t know what the legalities are if both parties are underage.

26

Just curious - did that 21yr male know your niece was 14? I am a 20yr old male, and have met girls at parties who appear to be late teens 18-19ish, who were coming onto me, that when I asked how old they are, turned out be 13 or 14. Thankfully, I remember to ask first before I do anything with a girl I just met, and as far as I know, haven’t broken any laws (though theoritically a girl could have lied to me about her age), but if this guy didn’t ask, he might not of known she was 14. And if he did ask, your niece may have lied about her age as well. (It happens at that age these days)

Of course, if that guy did know your niece was only 14, and still slept with her, then he strikes me as a rather pathetic guy if he can’t find someone his own age.

27

“Statutory rape” is known by another name in many states - including Texas, I believe. Since there is no unwilling victim, and since having sex with a 14 year old is legal in 41 countries (including both of the United States’ neighbors) and may even be legal in a few states, IMO the term “rape”, with all the connotations it brings, is hardly appropriate here.

28

What the fuck was she doing sneaking out at night to meet strange people? She’s lucky she wasn’t murdered and dumped in a swamp. While we’re locking up this guy for statutory rape, let’s lock her up for being stupid.

29

Not where sex is concerned. They’re too young to make a well-considered decision, certainly. But children they ain’t. When I was 14, we all knew what sex was, and most of us were already actively seeking it with reckless abandon.

The age of consent is like turning 16 and getting a driver’s license. It doesn’t mean a 13 year old can’t learn to drive (or that every 16 year old has). It means that society isn’t ready to trust them with the consequences of those decisions yet.

I do say cop the punk though. It’s one thing for your niece to be a teenager and want to have sex. It’s another thing for a 20 year old to take advantage of it. And if he did it once, you can rest assured he’s probably done it a lot more times and isn’t about to stop.

30

At least she didnt take candy from a stranger.

Eh?

31

Nonsense. Teenagers know whether or not they want something.
True. When I was fifteen, I wanted to screw half of Hollywood, I wanted to tell my old man to go take a flying leap, I wanted to drive really hot cars really really fast, and I wanted all the drugs and booze my poor body could stand. This does not mean that indulging my desires would have been legal, or even a good idea.

A 21 year old male and a 14 year old female might not seem that bad to the participants, and even to some observers, but it is dangerous and unacceptable on a great many levels, most of which have already been covered by others posting here, so I won’t repeat their arguments. In particular, I would be concerned with the 21 year old asshat, and whether he is likely to repeat this with the girl in question, or others… and whether or not the girl in question was likely to keep experimenting recklessly with sex.

Could be that sudden ohmighod-in-your-face sanctions could convince both of them either to abstain, or at least to be MUCH more careful when screwing around.

Although I am generally against threats of violence on the boards, I am greatly intrigued by the idea of stretching someone’s scrotum over their head and stapling it there. Could be some serious deterrent factor inherent in this for sex criminals, you know? And it could revolutionize Hair Club For Men…

Lastly, I would also be concerned with my relationship with the family. You could report this mess to the cops, but how would this affect your relationship with Mom and Dad, much less your niece. Is it worth it?

32

Do we even know that they had sex?

33

Craneop2, I have heard (though I do not know if it is true) that the police will pursue charges with or without parental and victim consent. It is considered a crime against the state or somesuch.

I strongly recommend that you go to the police about this.

34

(Bolding mine.)

I’d say that means that the girl admitted as much, wouldn’t you, LaurAnge? It’s also implied that the guy didn’t use condoms, if I’m not much mistaken.

35

It is easy for all of you armchair quarterbacks to read 2 paragraphs of an OP and recommend them taking an action that will have consequences for the next 30 years.

It is much easier to claim you have a moral high road than to have to think about the fact that maybe there are circumstances that are not so black and white. Before you advise ruining this boy’s life, or the life of the girl for that matter as well (which is really what is more important) why not try and take a moment to think about what you post before you advise violence or life altering legal action.

Bring that knee back from its unjerked position.

That isn’t to say that this guy isnt a scumbag, cause he could be. It is impossible to tell from the OP. All I am saying is that before you condemn this man and girl to lifelong problems, take a moment and realize that you really don’t know anything about what is going on other than the fact that these two kids liked eachother.

I was 15, she was 19 my first time. I’ll sure as shit let you know that it was consensual (and legal in Canada but that is another story) and that I was not used, abused, or taken advantage of. If anything, it was the other way around. But of course, that is probably different because I am a boy, and the person in the OP is a sweet innocent little girl.

36

Mr.2001, using Canadian age of consent law as an example is a bad idea.

Current Canadian laws regarding age of consent are very controversial and are under review as we speak. See Bill C490.

Our laws seem pretty confused and outdated. They are not useful as examples, except maybe for how difficult it is to legislate anything that can be so subjective according to the mores of a given time period.

I’m not sure where it stands now, but there is/was a law that naked photos of people under the age of eighteen is child pornography. So under Canadian law, it is/was okay to have sex with 'em, as long as you don’t take any pictures…? Furthermore, looking at the site you linked to, it appears that the age of consent for sex between males is eighteen. WTF?

My understanding is that these current age of consent laws were enacted back in the 1800’s. I’m sure you’d agree, very different times.

37

Woman here, FYI.

And thank you CC.

With all due respect to the OP’s personal investment in this matter, when I was 14 (31 years ago) there were lots of girls my age making the decision to have sex. Today’s kids are much more savvy than we were.

She made a decision that millions of girls make. Yeah, she’s young and dumb and could end up pregnant or diseased, but that’s doesn’t make the young man a rapist. The gap between 14 and 21 is not all that dramatic, depending on the individuals involved.

I’m a woman and a feminist, and I get really sick of females being held apart as these delicate flowers that cannot be held responsible for their own sexual decisions.

This relationship was ill-advised. Neither of them should have their feet held to the flames and be made to suffer endlessly for what was and is a fundamentally normal thing.

38

Well, unless the girls mother is certifiable you should leave this situation alone. The girl and her mother know a lot more about this situation than you or anybody posting on this thread. IMO.

39

I can’t imagine a good reason why a 21 year old would have sex with a 14 year old.

40

What if the 14 is pursuing it like a kid running after the ice cream truck? What responsibility does she bear for her choices?