I’ve had a lot of problems all of my life with not meeting expectations, being easily distracted, what I called “phasing out”, etc… I went to the Child Study Center here in Ft. Worth when I was in 4th grade to find out what was wrong.
But that was 1971, and I doubt they had even heard of Attention Deficit Disorder. I never heard of it until I was out of college (and I majored in Psychology!) When I heard about it, it was considered a “children’s disorder”, and that you “grew out of it”. Well, that’s bullshit, but doctors have a bad habit of taking a book’s word over the patient’s experience. I digress…
Anyway, I have known that this is my problem for as long as I’ve known the problem exists. But I’ve coped, and found ways to adapt my problems to my world and vice versa. And I am blessed with the kind of intelligence that grasps things intuitively (had I done all my homework in school, I would have probably been an A student).
But I’m losing my flexibility. And my ability to cope. I’m in a position where I just can’t screw up, and while (after being laid off) I know I can handle being laid off, I also know what I can lose more intimately. So some of my coping mechanisms are making their own stress. And I always wanted that little bit of validation - that I have the “official” diagnosis and not just my say-so. And that I wasn’t just a bad, lazy kid.
So I’m going to a neuro-psychologist tomorrow to get tested and evaluated for Attention Deficit Disorder. And none too soon. My problems seems to have hit me full force recently - at work I will hit a wall in the middle of writing a sentence or between steps in checking something and switch to a non-work thing to take the pressure off. And when I go back, I spend so much time getting back to where I was that I am nearly maxed out again, and can barely get an skooch farther in my task. Last night I was so exhausted from just trying to move things forward at work that I felt like crying. I hope I get something to make this life a little easier, so I can get back on track and moving forward at work and at home.
Good luck and remember, during the testing, look out the window and remark *Look at the dog with the fluffy white tail! *
You mean life is suppose to *move forward *? Did I miss the memo?
Mtgman - you want to come help with the yard work?
I took the tests and talked to the doc. I like her - she doesn’t act patronizing or smarmy. It’ll take about 10 days to find out the results.
Hardest test - She read off a list of 8-10 words and I repeated back as many as I could. 4 times we did the same list, then we went back to it later
Next hardest - a recorded list of numbers, after each one I had to add that number and the previous one. By the end I felt like a bit bucket that had gotten way too full.
It’s good to get tested even as an adult. My husband was not diagnosed with ADD until he was out of high school, but it still helps to know he has a real condition and has medications available to him if he feels it gets too out of hand. He tried Ritalin but didn’t like the sudden switching from “On” to “Off”, and tried Concerta with better results. Currently he is choosing to be off medication and is doing ok with it. He has that same kind of intuitive way of learning you describe. (with the bad grades )
I know how frustrated he can get when life seems too overwhelming. It is hard for him to sort out and prioritize after a while, and it all gets to be too much. When he talks about his head being too full, I know he needs some time to relax and try to pick one thing to focus on for a while.
I hope your tests and the results will help you in the future. At least it will be good to know for sure. Good luck!
Yard work? Oh crap, it’s almost yard work season again isn’t it? Tree pruning, hedge trimming, yard edging, mowing, tilling, fertilizing, poisoning the goddamn ever-present fire ants, man I hate this time of year. Moxmaiden and I got ourselves into an even bigger mess this year because we’re composting and we’re tackling the bald spots the previous tenants let build up. Crap! It sucks to have enough money to afford a place with a yard and not have enough money to afford to have professionals take care of it.
Maybe we should set up some sort of deal with the other DFW dopers where we have a day each week and we rotate from place to place just doing yardwork. Some of those big projects that require lots of hands could get done at each person’s house and it’s an excuse to get together during the summer when the days are long and have cookouts and such. The person whose yard is being treated at the moment could provide food and drinks and then we could all just hang out afterwards, look over the fruits of our labors and chat. Maybe bi-weekly?
hmmm
Hope the tests provide some insight on how to deal with your job and the other pressures of life in general.
You know my son has ADHD. Since he was diagnosed, in November of 2001, and has been on Ritalin, he’s a changed boy. He’s made such amazing progress socially and emotionally.
We were lucky that he was diagnosed as early as he was, and that his prescription seems to have been the right one, right off the bat.
Good luck, Zy. I hope you have the same success my son has had. Keep us posted, too. I’d be interested in learning of the diagnosis, the follow-up, your progress, etc.
Actually the ADD diagnosis has been around since way before 1971, but was called different things. One earlier name was Minimal Brain Dysfunction, or something like that. It’s been treated with stimulants for decades, I believe.
My IQ is just below genius level (my words, I don’t have the letter with me). However, on the other tests I only functioned at average levels which is not right. (My thought is “So this is what it’s like for normal people? Poor things”)
However, I am also showing definite signs of clinical depression. Since depression can cause the same characteristics of reduced functionality and inattentiveness, I can’t be diagnosed as ADD if I can be diagnosed as depressed. So I need to get something done about the depression first. She did acknowledge that ADD can cause depression due to the negative messages that I got all my life, and I got the feeling that there was a certain subtext of “I would say you were ADD if I could, but I have to follow the rules, so get the depression taken care of so we can get back to this” That may be wishful thinking. Or it might not.
I had some trouble accepting the diagnosis of depression. I can accept that I have been depressed in the past, but I still have some problems of acknowledging that right now, I have got depression. Partly because I am basically happy. I have bubbles of unhappiness, but I generally like my life. But I am realizing that the light that I experienced when I left my ex may have felt like I had finally ended my depression, but in reality that light was just an incandescent bulb, and I can step into the sunshine if I work at it. (Partly it’s because I’m a psych major and I should be able to fix myself, right?)
I have started on Zoloft and been on it for about a month and a half. It is helping (more in that I can work with my problems easier) and I have a lot more energy (and oddly enough more physical strength and endurance - I didn’t expect that at all) My internist also started me on weight loss medication, so I’m going to wait until I’m not taking that anymore to get re-evaluated. I do still believe I’m ADD, but this has brought me back to a place where I can live with that.
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