Top 15 Bad Romance Novel Opening Lines

The Top 15 Bad Romance Novel Opening Lines

  1. “He snapped my bra like a Concord taking off, and I was unhooked for love.”

  2. “Yes, she was a woman who had once been a man, but she still knew how to flutter her eyelashes as well as those other hussies.”

  3. “The heaving waves on the vast, ink-black ocean sent a salty spray over the proud bow of the three-masted ship, leaving beads of water on the exposed alabaster skin above the bodice of the tall, raven-haired woman who stood sobbing on the deck, her salty tears mixing with the storm-tossed sea.”

  4. “Scarlet’s hair was as red as my persistent canker sore.”

  5. “Nicolette let the silk blouse fall from her shoulders, wrapped her left leg around John and deftly cut some cheese.”

  6. “Robert was new at this prison thing, and he felt frightened and confused. But the moment he laid eyes on #472825994, he became a prisoner of love.”

  7. “Sam liked to hump.”

  8. “Though flanked by two swarthy state troopers, Paula found her gaze drawn to the chubby saxophonist.”

  9. “It was a dark and horny night.”

  10. “Gentle cascades of vermilion poured over Daphne’s heaving, lily-white bosom. ‘Call 911, Scooby,’ she breathed.”

  11. “His flatulence reared up like a proud stallion.”

  12. “‘Miss Savannah, is there room for both of us in that hoop skirt?’ Chandler mocked with a slight bow and a sweep of his top hat.”

  13. “Within minutes of their meeting, Representatives Beth (D-Florida) and Eric (R-Montana) lumbered into the bedroom where soon the unmistakable sounds of wet, naked bodies engaged in a sexual congress were heard.”

  14. “He smelled of pork. Rotting pork, in fact, and lots of it.”

and the Number 1 Bad Romance Novel Opening Line…

  1. “Omaha Beach, 0800 Hours: reinforcements from 2nd Panzer Korps arrive, their well-muscled young torsos glistening with man-dew.”

Anything that contains a phrase from this thread.

Belching, gently waving, Loquanda felt the salty-spray-heaven intruded by his delicate crunchy but manly husk of a voice, saying “Ahoy there, you juicy wench,” and she finally knew love’s astonishment.

As she tended the pungent and technicolor sores that adorned the lean shaft of his manhood, Lady Dupressa of Queasywood Manor knew she had at last found her soulmate.

I looked up from my pool of vomit, and there she was, in all her glory. It was then that I knew that I always wanted to see her when I looked up from my pool of vomit.

She knew now that she truly loved Brock the ambulance driver. Wasn’t it amazing, she mused, that she would never have met him had her nose not melted in a freak microwave burrito incident.


“You call that a penis?” she said, mockingly. “I’ll show you a penis.”

(Apologies to Kevin “Bloody” Wilson, whose lyrics I am stealing).

*Do you fuck on first dates?
Does your Dad own a brewery?
Can I feel your tits,
Or will you show them to me?

'Cos you’ve got a nice head
And you look pretty honest.
So my face will be leaving in quarter of an hour

  • I’d like you to be on it*

::bursts into laughter::

Now that the puss had stopped dripping from his member, Victor was ready to find some loving.