Tourist unaware of the first rule of Australia

And that is, of course, if it is a plant or animal in Australia, it is trying to kill you. This includes the blue-ring octopus.

Didn’t realize how small those things are. Thought a blue ringed octopus would be around the size of a human adult arm or something, not something snail-sized.

HMM… Death picked up a book at random and read the cover. "DANGEROUS MAMMALS, REPTILES, AMPHIBIANS, BIRDS, FISH, JELLYFISH, INSECTS, SPIDERS, CRUSTACEANS, GRASSES, TREES, MOSSES, AND LICHENS OF TERROR INCOGNITA, " he read. His gaze moved down the spine. VOLUME 29C, he added. OH. PART THREE, I SEE.

He glanced up at the listening shelves. POSSIBLY IT WOULD BE SIMPLER IF I ASKED FOR A LIST OF THE HARMLESS CREATURES OF THE AFORESAID CONTINENT?

They waited.

IT WOULD APPEAR THAT-

“No, wait master. Here it comes.”

Albert pointed to something white zigzagging lazily through the air. Finally Death reached up an caught the single sheet of paper.

He read it carefully and then turned it over briefly just in case anything was written on the other side.

“May I?” said Albert. Death handed him the paper.

“'Some of the sheep, '” Albert read aloud. “Oh, well. Maybe a week at the seaside’d be better, then.”

WHAT AN INTRIGUING PLACE, said Death. SADDLE UP THE HORSE, ALBERT. I FEEL SURE I’M GOING TO BE NEEDED.*

This may be true, but for the most part they’re not killing you to eat you.
Leave the fuckin’ things alone and you’ll both be so much the happier.

In comparison to the real nasty/stingy/lethal fellas they are:
Irukandji jellyfish

As Irukandji are small enough to get picked up and blown about in sea spray these nasty bastards can sting and require hospitalisation for treatment even if you are only near the water.

My first thought when I clicked the thread title was, “Everything in Australia can kill you.” :smiley:

It is the only continent with venomous rocks.

I’ve been to Oz a couple of times and never saw a venomous creature in the wild. I feel cheated!

On the plus side, you’re a lot less likely to get your head ripped off and eaten by a bear here

So what are you saying? The bears just wait for everything else to kill you, then have a leisurely lunch?:eek::smiley:

Aspidistra is alluding to a rare arboreal bear and really shouldn’t have done that.
:wink:

Drop bears are deadly, mate!

Because a bear wouldn’t last an hour out in the wilds of Australia before something killed it. Probably a local butterfly.

They need to protect themselves from the trees!

So many tourists think drop bears are like koalas, and then don’t know what hit them. Tragic.

The phrasing “less” likely was carefully chosen, yes :cool:

That video has been around for a while. I suspect there’s more to it.

If anyone needs a background song while reading this thread, may I suggest this one?

Giant Flesh-Eating Koala of Legend Was Real

Please explain

Humour