Traffic circle-jerk

The gripe:
What is so hard to figure out about this? Most of us learn the gist of it by age 15 prior to getting our permit:

Everyday I see fuckwits cruise into the circle without looking. The scrote-muffins in the circle stop at every spoke either because they are as dumb as a sack of rocks, or they fear the non-yielding fuckwits. Meanwhile the whole system grinds to a halt, and accidents are commonplace. Could the town post traffic signs making the right of way clear? No, and not only that, but the town police navigate the circle in the exact same asinine fashion.

The nauty words:
I feel bile rise up in my throat every time I approach this abortion of misapplied civil engineering. I want to hijack some fucknob’s car and zip around the circle slamming into every gerbil-stuffing goat-fucking enema-guzzling buttplug that fails to yield.

Loosely related rambling:
And another thing… to the assbasket pizza delivery cretin: your white Taurus with the red sign strapped to the roof makes everyone slam on their breaks when they see it from a distance. Paint that car day-glo green, ride your goddamn bike, or just get the fuck off the road, you police impersonating syphilitic dick-weasel.

Since your pizza delivery guys are in cop cars, can they turn on the siren and get your pizzas there faster?

6.0 The enema-guzzling was a nice touch, but a little heavy on the hyphenation

8.3 Much better. The syphilitic dick-weasel part was especially appreciated.

I, like you, grew up expecting certain things to be unalienable truths. Things like Article 26 §1145. But no, not too far from my house there was a satan spawned circle. One where people entering had the right-of-way. Most people using the circle were tourists going to the casino, so there was no end to the skid-marks. It just recently changed to the more accepted configuration, but now we have people getting into trouble 'cause they are used to the fucked-up method.

Hey Abe, read the first chapter of Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson. :smiley:

I’d be a pizza delivery guy too, if I got to do it like that dude.

fuckwits, scrote-muffins, fuckwits, fucknob, gerbil-stuffing goat-fucking enema-guzzling buttplug (whoa!), and syphilitic dick-weasel

Hasn’t even been here a month and already has a decent (beginner’s) grasp of obscene invective. All it needed to be a 9.0 in my book was the actual word “felch”, but “enema-guzzling” was an unexpected surprise. 8.9

We had a traffic circle in Saskatoon, the small city I grew up in (about 200 000 people there, I guess). It finally got taken out and replaced with traffic lights because there was no way people were ever gonna figure it out. Makes me wonder about the future of humans, ya know? We think we’re so smart and all, and we can’t figure out an efficient system like a traffic-circle.
(Oh, BTW, I just thought I would mention how impressed my fiance is with my ever-expanding vocabulary from the Straight Dope. He thinks the stuff I say after reading these rants is just hilarious. Keep up the good work, guys.:D)

sewalk, Felch is indeed a good word, but the fact that you look for it indicates overuse. I saved my trademark Horse wanker™ and Toss monkey™ because it wasn’t really a masturbatory themed rant, that is better left for the flaming of an individual.

Thanks for the high marks, though.

Yeah, Wav, but if I don’t see it, how can I be sure you’re ranting?

I wish we used circles in the US. Oh sure there are occassional ones, but they’re very rare and usually only used in residential neighborhoods. When we were in the UK we were so in love with the circles… oooohhhh…

I, on the other hand, HATE traffic circles.

Always have. Presumably always will.

Just my couple of cents.

8.8 based on


Otherwise nice rant, good flow, bobble on the dismount cost points.


In New York, we get traffic circles WITH traffic lights.
Defeats the whole damn purpose, if you ask me.

Are you people talking about roundabouts?

I was convinced this was going to be a rant about porn sites… that’s what the Top Ten lists of banner pages that lead to other Top Ten lists of banner pages that lead to other Top Ten lists of banner pages are called.

[emily latella]Never mind[emily latella]


I find that it isn’t so much the drivers themselves as it is the circles. The way I used to drive to work I passed two traffic circles. The first one sucked; i know the laws, but I’ve been honked at for following them at that one. The second one, not a mile down the same road, is executed almost flawlessly all the time.

Traffic circles are like four-way stops without the stops (if they ain’t necessary), and are an awesome thing to behold in traffic. I actually like the ones everyone respects much better than the corresponding “regular” intersection.

And, much to my dismay, I share the existence of a traffic circle with stoplights; though to be fair they only activate when pedestrians are trying to cross.

Yeah** kabbes**, some people here call 'em that, as well.

Well round these parts you can’t drive more than about a mile before you encounter a roundabout. We don’t have ANY all-stop intersection thingies like you do.

They are embedded into the national psyche and so everyone is used to 'em. I think that they work pretty well, unless one entrance is swamped by a continual stream of traffic from the entrance before. Where this happens though, you can counter the problem with lights.

Many of our major roundabouts have traffic lights that only operate during rush hour.


I have been reading this thread with interest, as in the course of my work (London Bus Driver), I come across roundabouts constantly.

Kabbes is correct when he says that they are so ingrained into the national psyche of pretty much every UK driver, indeed I can’t think of how any other road layout would work here.

So to all you American drivers who are having difficulties getting to grips with this road layout, may I humbly offer my services to “gently persuade” the more errant drivers in your fair country into the proper way of using this wonderfully democratic road junction. I’ll come over with my bus touring the country, spending a day at each and every roundabout you care to mention just driving around and around thereby any car wishing to enter the junction will have to give way, as per the rules of the road.

To take up this generous offer, all my expenses will have to be met by your good selves, but a small price to pay - you’ll agree - if I bring harmomy back to the roads once more.

When roundabouts were first introduced in Australia, they were universally loathed. These days, the comlaints are few and far between because people are used to the new system. You will appreciate roundabouts if you ever live on a quiet street and have to turn across the traffic of the busy road at the end of the steet (right turn here, left turn in the States). In peak hour, I used to have to wait for an eternity back when my street was roundabout-less. Sure traffic lights could do the same thing, but they are expensive to install, so for most quieter locations the only alternative is a Stop or Give Way (Yield) sign.

I like roundabouts. They’re cute. I’ve named the one in my street “Kevin”.

Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament…
Big Ben, Parliament
Big Ben, Parliament
Big Ben, Parliament
Big Ben, Parliament
Big Ben, Parliament
Big Ben, Parliament
Big Ben, Parliament
Big Ben, Parliament
Big Ben, Parliament
Big Ben, Parliament
Big Ben, Parliament
Big Ben, Parliament
Big Ben, Parliament
Big Ben, Parliament
Big Ben, Parliament
Big Ben, Parliament


Here in New England, rotaries are fairly common forms of entertainment, especially when clueless turistas in 40 foot RVs encounter them.

Unfortunately, they are a dying breed here. Too many halfwits whose previous mode of transport was a fucking ox cart find the concept of following another vehicle and yielding the right-of-way far less fun than stomping the gas for lack of ability to do anything more intelligent.

It’s a damn shame, because rotaries are highly efficient when properly designed and built. Too many are being replaced with 4-way red light monstrosities with separate turning lanes and all that happy horseshit. Of course, every red light gives a new opportunity for The Man to pop you for running it, right?

Miserable fascist rightthinking scum…