Yes…but… (and this may be my crotchety old fartness showing), I can’t picture ANY demographic thinking ‘This thing needs more robots humping.’ Megan Fox? Yeah, I’ll buy that. But Mojo gettin’ busy…and it has NOTHING to do with the rest of the flick? Inject all the humor you want guys, but this is the best you can do?
I saw it, I semi-enjoyed the first one - mostly because the amazement of seeing Transformers as a live action movie.
I really didn’t like this movie. Without exaggeration, this film might be the worst movie out of Hollywood this decade. It really is right up there with Elektra and Catwoman. I don’t even know where to begin…but I’ll try.
First, I’ll ignore all the Michael Bay-isms. The movie is full of them and I can’t be bothered to list them all, but to give you some examples:
-the establishing shots he uses for new scenes are pretty standard
-his plots and themes from one movie to the next are also pretty standard
-his plug and play scripts
-you can always count on a montage of slow motion military walking and driving
-you can also count on some idiot politician taking things over and making mistakes
-bad dialogue written by fifty year olds who have never lived in the real world (off the top of my head, think of Sam meeting his college roommate for the first time)
-you can expect a universe that consists solely of swimsuit models
-you can expect someone sacrificing themselves during the climax
-loads of slow motion
-you can usually expect some very blatant product placement.
etc.
All of this I have to accept because I paid for a Michael Bay movie so I can’t be mad that I received one.
The comic relief was entirely unfunny - that didn’t help. The parents of Sam exist solely for comic relief but at the end we’re supposed to all of a sudden take them seriously at an emotional moment? The plot is incomprehensible. It’s not like I didn’t understand what was going on, it just didn’t make any sense. Other than airlifting a package, I’m not clear on the purpose of the military. You really need a grand total of 3 humans in this movie - Sam, John Turturro, and Josh Duhamel (whatever his character is). The rest exist for nothing other than comic relief. There is a solid hour in the middle that is just a series of scenes tacked together.
All this might be salvageable if I liked the action but it was impossible to follow. it’s almost as though he’s afraid to stay on a wide shot. The fight scenes are almost entirely CGI, you can make the robots do whatever you want so you don’t need to cheat with quick edits and closeups. The robots themselves - at least the big ones - look very similar which makes it doubly hard to follow.
The climax/dream sequence/whatever was laughable. I really can’t think of a single thing I liked.
Hey, I never said it SUCCEEDED, it’s just whatever minds came up with that one probably weren’t thinking of Little Timmy.
This, I think, has been one of my bigger problems with these two movies…how the Transformers in battle were filmed and framed. It was like if you filmed a Bruce Lee fight scene with a handheld camera, two feet away from the action.
There seems to be (surprise, surprise!) an emphasis on showcasing the effects of the robots, rather then using the effects as means to an end. And it wasn’t all the shots that were like this—some of them, even some whole scenes, were actually shot pretty well, which just made the rest more galling.
What the movie failed to mention, was that they were at the Air and Space annex near Dullas Airport, The Udvar-Hazy Center. So that part was actually pretty accurate with the open grassy fields outside. But since they didn’t make that clear in the movie, most people would have expected them to be in downtown DC instead.
(btw, if you ever go to DC for a tour of the Smithsonian, and you like the Air and Space museum, you’ll freakin LOVE the Udvar-Hazy Center. Make the trip, you won’t regret it)
Very disappointing. I cannot recall a movie with more Jar Jar Binks like characters. The characters who did nothing to advance the plot and could have easily died in their first scenes, thus relieving my torment, were:
Sam’s mother - endless whining, knowingly ingests drugs when told not to
Sam’s father
Leo - endless whining that induces another character to taze him - too late.
The other two roommates - what were they saying?
the decepticon seductress - every scene more horrible than the one before it. Really a healthy male can’t rid himself of an anorexic girl.
the two stupid trash talking autobots - maybe in the directors cut they will delete all their dialogue. Won’t hurt the “story”
the interfering Bush era political aide - out of date
the Pirates of the Caribbean decepticon/autobot and what about that crap - “oh you don’t have to stay a decepticon, and put up with all that negativity, you can just change sides.”
but an oscar to the guy who, with a straight face, managed to say some crap about “us spilling blood, sweat and precious metal.” Had I eaten popcorn I would have brought it back up.
I rated it 4 out of 10 on IMDB but every time I think about it I am tempted to go back and lower my rating.
You mean the Obama appointed incompetant who stated the President’s position was to negotiate with the Decepticons and open to the possibility of handing over a US citizen? The one who Obama appointed specifically because the President didn’t trust the military (the whole “vetted by the White House” exchange)?
And yes, Obama was named specifically, which, since the movie was written before the writer’s strike, shows that Bay went out of his way to add it. I don’t think Bay’s a fan.
Does Dulles Airport have mountains in the background?
Those mountains are why I assumed the sequence of filming locations was:
- The enter into the downtown museum. (IMDb does say that they filmed there)
- Inside they’re actually in the hangar at the Udvar-Hazy Center.
- Then once they go out the back door they’re in one of the plane graveyards around Mojave, CA.
You’d think if you were a director and chose to work in the big budget action flick genre you would learn how to choreograph and shoot an action sequence. I can put up with bad humor, shia of the beef, gaping plot holes, and even unfortunate racial stereotypes if there’s a good battle at the end. It really isn’t a good sign if I’m re-editing and writing the battle scene in my head while I’m watching the movie.
My god this movie was bad.
Yes, The Shenandoah Mts start just West of there. You start to see the foothills when you pass the Dulles Area. The whole annex out there is an area of plane ‘graveyards’. It’s where they have always kept their aircraft collection and do the refurbishment/preservation work. They opened the Udvar-Hazy Center as a way to showcase the more important aircraft kept out there.
The Dulles area used to be along my daily commute, and the area in the film seemed fine to me.
The only reason I posted about this was to bring the center to people’s attention. Udvar-Hazy is enormous, and I’d hate for someone planning a vacation to the area to miss it. Personally, I find it more impressive than the downtown museum.
(ps… even if they got this right, I still think the movie sucked, for all of the reasons mentioned so far)
I’m not doubting you, but I thought it would be neat to look at the graveyard in Google Maps?.
That seems to be the hangar they were in when they found jetfire, but I don’t see any sign of a giant field of retired planes.
I liked the preview but am very concerned that Shamalamadingdong is directing it.
Oh and, by the way, all the criticism is spot on.
-The fight scenes were often edited in such a way as to make it extremely hard to actually see what was happening.
-While in the show the transformers transformed into fairly sleek humanoid forms, here they’re (again) all jagged edges and such with spars of metal sticking out all over the place. That makes it even harder to figure out WTF is going on in the claustrophobic fight scenes.
-I am evidently racist against deceptions, because they all look the same to me. Aside from the Constructicons and one or two others (I think there was a bright green one) they’re all pretty much identical. At the final climactic battle I was never sure who the hell was being blasted by the tanks. Cannon fodder, Megatron, Starscream, Beuler?
-The ‘comedy’ was designed for children. Young children. Who think that “poop!” is the height of witty reparte. There were, I think, no fewer than three ‘humping’ jokes, maybe four or five fart jokes, several jokes about testicles, one joke about eating pot brownies and immediately flipping out like a chimp on speed, etc…
-The movie makes clear that small arms do pretty much jack shit to the robots. So in the very first scene what does the US army do? Send in a bunch of soldiers armed only with rifles. Gee, think that’ll work well? Too bad there wasn’t a huge (semi) Communist country with a massive army that could’ve sent in some, I dunno, tanks.
-Railguns are expensive. US army can’t afford two railgun slugs.
-Shia, The Beef.
-“Negro robots”
-Robot angels
-Pointless Sexbot [del]six[/del] Suck there only to create Relationship Drama, also can’t even properly deal with a car windshield
-Wimpy Obama-terrorist-appeaser
-Hairy man-ass in jockstrap.
-Enough scenes with massive chunks of rock being propelled at high velocity in a cloud all around the protagonists who emerge without a scratch.
-The Oracle said I’d fall in love with a man, and that man would be the one. So you see, you can’t be dead. I love you. Do you hear me? I love you. Now get up!
Honestly, the worst, longest, biggest budget movie I’ve ever seen in the theater.
Oh, and:
I was too busy hating the rest of the movie and missed that bit. Rather hilarious.
But yah, assuming Shamallamadingdong doesn’t totally ruin Avatar (or insert a wacky twist!), the preview for that movie is actually the single best part of this piece of shit.
No worries about doubting me. My memories of seeing the planes all lined up were from before the Udvar-Hazy opened. Even then it was from articles in the Wash Post from where they had an open house at whatever depot they had back then.
So, yes. You do have the right place. No, there are no fields of planes on the google-map. From reading their website for the Paul E. Garber Preservation, Restoration, and Storage Facility, it looks like they typically keep all of their aircraft in hangers. The huge field of planes must have been shot out West. <shrug>
However, I still contend that even as a (former) local, the shots at the Udvar-Hazy Center did not require a whole lot of suspension of disbelief. My brain had much more pressing matters to wail about during the move in that department.
The thing about this movie is that it’s everything about the first movie turned up to 11. The robots, and the fights, and the “humor” - everything. However, Bay is being pretty restrained here. She the Beef was remarkably unannoying (and actually the “brain flipping out” scenes were pretty funny, and about the only funny thing in the movie). No monuments were destroyed, and only one measely aircraft carrier and a submarine, and a few buildings in France. One pyramid lost its cap
By the way, I dont’ think Michael Bay has a problem with Obama. I think he inserted some thigns to ake it more “current” and seem a bit more real. Givent hat movies have been using the irritating ignorant high-ranking bureaucrat thing for a long time now, and the one in this movie was much less obnoxious or stupid than in previous examples, I don’t think this was a knock against Obama. The few mentions of him were pretty much exactly what would happen.
Al in all, the Nostalgia critic got it right: most awesome… adequately satisfying movie ever!
Sir T, where do you live? If your local IMAX theater is a new one in a multiplex, I suggest you not waste your money. It’s probably a digital IMAX with a screen not much larger than the conventional 35mm one it replaced.
See here for Roger Ebert’s take on on the new digital IMAXes, and here for a map showing what kind of theaters are located where. (If you have Google Earth, use this link.) Ideally, you want to go to a GT or SR theater. If it’s MPX or digital, don’t bother.
I haven’t seen it and will be waiting, if I can resist, for DVD.
But, I figured with the Major Media Blitz lately of All Things Shia and All Things Megan Fox, that the movie must be pretty horrid.
I believe this to be one of the worst blockbuster films I’ve ever seen. EVER.
It was The Phantom Menace bad. No, worse. It was Attack of the Clones: Deleted Scenes bad. It was Post-SW-Trilogy-George Lucas-hopped-up-on-NyQuil-and-huffing-glue-bad.
Why, WHY?!!! (why?!) have two Jar Jar Binks like characters, redressed as a crunked up Amos 'n Andy, when you could have been using the real Autobots from the original gang? Where was Iron Hide, Ratchet? Cameos, and just barely. Bumble Bee even seemed to be demoted to chauffeur, and just barely.
And Michael Bay needs to get laid. Honestly. That, or he must dine on ten hookers a day, where it’s damaged his judgment on what real girls are like. Jesus. I love tits, legs and ass as much as the next guy, but I seriously think MB is pounding off to this movie every chance he gets.
Then throw in all the other complaints about action that’s too close to make sense of, and dumb plots that make zero sense. Also, some of these new robots shouldn’t even exist. Where are they getting their personalities from? They come from Cybertron with a built in Brooklyn accent and attitude? I just don’t get it. It was worse than unfunny, it was insulting, lame and laughable.
Whooo. That was retched, horrible, horrible shit.
aaaand it looks to have made 200 mil this weekend.
Zombie Jesus wept.