It’s really not that murky when you accept that transmen are men (regardless of their plumbing) and transwomen are women (regardless of the plumbing) because sex and gender are two separate concepts.
It’s really not that hard to grasp, either, once you strip away all the bullshit and the “but it’s new and weird !”. To whit : I’m a bog standard cis man. I never had any problem with that much even though I don’t really conform to some expected masculine behaviours or stereotypes or expectations. To put it most simply, and if I may quote Woody Harrelson : I’m just a regular type dude…with a big-ass dick…
If tomorrow I lost said mind-bogglingly massive penis in a freak acupuncture accident, would you say I’m not a man any more ? Obviously not. Least I hope not. Then we’ve agreed that plumbing is irrelevant to gender. I think I’m a man, feel like a man and would still do so were I to become a Ken doll. Case closed on my gender.
Some regular type dudes have a vagina.
Those regular type dudes are just as miffed about being told they’re really women as I would be if you asserted that’s what I am no matter what I think.
That’s it.
Nobody out there identifies as an attack helicopter.