Okay, I’m flipping the channels and I surf into this “show” on SciFi. The first thing I notice is that there’s this scantily clad female CGI character with breasts that move like static charged balloons. This just strikes me as wrong, somehow. I mean, are there really guys out there so pathetic (more pathetic than me, even) that they have nothing better to do than jerk off over badly CGIed sex pots? Because it’s pretty obvious that’s why she’s there, no apparent brains, see-thru clothing, jokes about her nipples, her sexy squeals, and so on.
Even more bizarre is that I recognize some of the voices (not hard to do, since whatever plot/storyline the episode had was so transparent and predictable as to be unnoticable), and in doing a google search, I hit the official website for the show and discover that if you mouse over the character Choad (he’s the 3 eyed purple alien) you get to hear Milton from the movie Office Space say, “Who’s your daddy?” That’s just so wrong on so many levels. (Because now, I have this image of Milton looking out his window at the squirrels and shouting, “Who’s your daddy?”)
Maybe I’m turning into an old fart, but damned if I can get this shit. Really, the whole point of the episode seemed to be, well, making cheap sexual jokes and zooming in on CGI breasts. IIRC, one can use this thing called the internet to view all the real breasts he or she might so desire. Hell, you don’t even have to bother with horribly contrived situations before the unveiling of the breasts. Just make the right google search, and it’s tit’s a poppin’ baby! So who the fuck watches this shit on a regular basis? Good Christ, the crap on Skinamax is better than this, why not watch that instead? At least there, the boobies move in a semi-natural fashion.
And hell, if you’re going to put a show on the air which is so blatant about characters wanting to get laid, why not just skip the pretension of actually having a plot or a storyline and feature nothing but people screwing their brains out? I mean, you’ll get your ratings if you do that. That’s a given, so why not just come (pardon the pun) right out and say, “Okay, folks, you want to watch people screwing on TV, we’ll give it to ya!” and have 30 minutes of people fucking like rabbits? Level with America! Give them what they want, and that way they can evolve into little more than eyeballs with reproductive organs attached (which seems to be the way we’re headed). Probably be cheaper than all that CGI animation, too. I’m sure there’s tons of geeky folks out there (both male and female) who’d willingly pay money to get laid on a show which would air on the SciFi Channel. If you’re afraid that it won’t fit the SciFi Channel’s theme, then spray paint the women green so all the guys can pretend that they’re Captain Kirk. (Note: I know that it was Christopher Pike who saw the Orion slave girl, not Captain Kirk, and that Pike didn’t bang her, but come on, it was funny as shit when Eddie Murphey said that Kirk fucked a green chick, and that’s what most people think of when you bring up the subject of green women [Except those who have a fetish for She-Hulk, of course.], not what really happened in those episodes.)
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go scrub my brain out with some real porn to try and forget the crap that I just saw.