Recently, I opened a thread in Great Debates soliciting definitions of God. But, inevitably I suppose, it turned into a debate about the MOP. It meandered on for a long time — more than 500 posts — and brought us a new member, Indistinguishable, whose profound knowledge of logic systems provided a great challenge. He and I stalemated on the premise. He took it as an epistemological proposition, and I took it as a metaphysical proposition. Aside from that, it was wrangling as usual among the rest of us over matters like the definition and the applicability of S5.
But anyway, that’s not what I came here to talk about. That’s just the backdrop for what really stood out in the thread to me, which was this post from Tris. Long ago, Gaudere called his posts “butterflies”. I know that he’s ambivalent about the term, but it really is quite apt. Our message board has its fair share of thread-shitting, hijackings, and one-note-posting, but Tris’s butterflies are never like that. They stand out, but not for their heavy-handed obviousness; rather, it’s for their light and clarity. He has an uncanny ability to condense an otherwise complicated viewpoint into an almost Quakerish plain take.
This was the paragraph that got stuck in my head:
My reasons for denying logic, and proof in the matter of faith is not that it might fail, for if it fails, it is only me, being a fool. I am well aware that I am a great fool, and have learned to adapt. But there is the great horror that it might not fail. I might prove to someone that God exists. That seems to me to be a potentially evil thing, to take from you the possibility of faith (a pearl of great price) and leave you with nothing but proof. Reason is great tool, for this world. My faith is not of this world, and I desire that no one follow my lead. I am lost. Follow He whom I seek to follow if you choose.(Emphasis mine.)
And nearly a month later, here I am. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought back over his post, and now it’s time that I speak out about it.
He’s right. Fortunately, none of my arguments have convinced anyone of anything. I’ve often dismissed demands for empirical evidence of God for the obvious reason that God is supernatural and empiricism examines nature. But I’ve always insisted that logic is an appropriate tool for examining God because God is analytic. But that’s wrong. Our conception of God is analytic, but God Himself is not. This should have been obvious to me since anything said about God must of necessity be metaphorical.
In the end, the only appropriate tool for examining God is experience. I can know of Him only what He has revealed to me. I do not know why He has not revealed Himself to everyone else in the same way, but I’ve never thought there was any reason why He should. Our moral journey is a private one that no one else can share. What is the right place and the right time for me might not be the right place or the right time for anyone else.
To those who don’t believe:
You never know what’s around the corner. Maybe God will speak to you a year from now, or a month from now, or this afternoon. Or maybe not until you die. It’s not for me to say, and He’s never asked me for my advice or counsel. But this is just to declare and witness that I will no longer attempt to prove God’s existence to anyone. It is, like Tris says, potentially disastrous, robbing you of the gift of faith.
I’ve often said that I don’t blame you for not believing. In your shoes, I wouldn’t believe either. But I’ve always thought that I could convince you, and now I know that no logic will ever convince you. You will deny the premise, and so would I in your shoes. No miracle will ever convince you. You will find a physical explanation, and so would I in your shoes. No observation will ever convince you. You will declare it to be an illusion, and in your shoes, so would I.
This doesn’t mean that I will cease to argue in favor of God’s existence, or in favor of His gracious qualities. Nor does it mean that I will abandon the MOP or my own deductive theology. I will discuss it with anyone interested. All it means is that I will not expect to convince anyone, and will in fact stress the shortcomings of logic and observation that should make you wary of any proof. I will continue to believe because I cannot not believe. But if you come to believe in the course of any discussion with me, it will be only because God Himself has convinced you.
As Sentient once said, the only way that God could convince him to believe would be to change him from within. I agree. That’s exactly what happened to me. One instant, I was an atheist, and the next, I was a believer. I required new eyes with which to see Him, and a new mind with which to comprehend Him. These were gifts that did not come about by any set of inferences. They came about because of God’s grace. He gave me faith. I do not want to be an obstacle to yours.