Well, I moved this weekend. I’ve been without net access since late Friday night. That’s discussed more in a previous rant and I won’t go into it here. Anyway, starting a little over a week ago I began calling over the DF/W area trying to find a rental truck. A nice little 14’ would do just fine. I couldn’t find anything, but had a bunch of companies who said they’d call me back when something came up. I wanted to move Saturday. I get a call Wednesday from one of the rental companies. I won’t say who they are, but the name has “U-Haul” in it. They said they had a 17’ automatic and that I could come pick the truck up at 5pm on Saturday and have it back at the same time on Sunday. I figure that gives me plenty of time. I can park it at my place and get an early start the next morning. I also liked that it was an automatic, because I hate driving things that big anyway (insert joke here). One thing led to another on Saturday, and I realized I wouldn’t be able to pick it up that night. I called them about 4:20 and asked if I could pick up the next morning. They said sure, no problem. So, I got in there Sunday, only to find out that they hadn’t moved my reservation. They’ve already rented out the truck I was supposed to use. They didn’t appologize, but did ask if I could take a 24’. I was willing to take about anything at that point. I pay and they pull up this monster of a vehicle. Real big on the side it says “Gentle-Ride Van”. It also says Automatic/AC/Power steering.
I get in (side note: you also have to rent one of their smaller trucks as well. The ones with the bed. You have to climb into the smaller one, then into the bed, and from there it’s just a short leap up to the big truck).
This thing is big. The first thing I notice is that it’s a manual. Shit. Lie #1. I can drive one, but I don’t like to. Not on something that big.
I turn on the radio. Problem is, the knobs have been pulled off and the little metal thing poking out is all that’s left. So, I highly recommend taking plyers with you on any rental. They are some of the most useful things I had on me. The radio blasts! Just kidding. There was one speaker in the cab near the front. I believe it may have been one of those high end 10w speakers. Problem is, it was powered by a 5w radio. Translation: both are pieces of shit. If you turn it up high enough to actually hear, it’s so distorted you want it off. So, no radio. Just the sound of the loudest fucking engine I I’ve ever heard. Planes are quieter.
It’s 150 degrees outside. I turn on the A/C. Lie #2. Oh how I love the feel of hot air blowing on me. I’m guessing no freon. It’s warmer in the back of the truck with the big-assed door(from here on refered to as the BAD) closed. Unfortunately, you can’t drive from back there.
I throw it into first and get on my way. I pull out onto the access road. After turning the wheel 37 times, I realize I have discovered lie #3. This is not power steering. I then throw it into second. This is when I figure this part out. Somebody or somebodies previous to me had a great deal of trouble driving a standard. 2nd gear is ground all to hell. About 2 out of 5 times, I would go into 2nd, and catch nothing. This proves to be a problem when somebody comes around a corner doing 50 and you don’t know how fast you’re going because the fucking speedometer is doing a little jig between the pin and 10. I hit the access rode doing about 20mph and a short 30 minutes later am coming up on 60mph. Yes, I’m booking now.
When you hit about 40mph, you realize “Gentle Ride Van” is the biggest load of horseshit you’ve ever heard. Buggies in the early 1800’s had better suspensions. Extra word of warning: piss before leaving. If you have to go at any point during the ride you will not be able to hold it. Your kidneys are pissed already and just the slightest bit of pressure will give them the excuse they need to humiliate you. Luckily, I pissed before leaving and didn’t have to deal with the humiliation. It still sucked, though.
I got the truck home, everybody showed up and we got ready to pack. Problem. The BAD won’t open. Some prankster apparently decided to weld the thing shut. Our cries of words that our mothers still don’t know that we know managed to scared the BAD a little and he gave way.
We got everything loaded and back to the new place. Unloading took alomst no time at all and I took the truck back. The inspection went pretty well, but it wasn’t until then that they charged me almost $0.50 a mile. The original truck I was going to get was an in-city fleet vehicle or something like that and mileage didn’t cost anything. This one was not like that, and nobody told me. I checked the paperwork and saw that I did sign it, so I was obligated to pay. I payed the difference and left.
So, I’m all moved in now and will never use this company again. It’s my first experience with a rental company, because before I’d always been able to find a bunch of freinds with trucks. They have all since bought cars for the sole purpose of not being called upon in times of moves. It doesn’t work, however, because they can’t resist the bribes of pizza and beer and end up helping me move anyway. I feel better now, anyway. If only I had internet at home, I’d be complete. 
