First off: Screw YOU, Jimbo. You gonna tell me? HA. I’ve been a CALVIN & HOBBES FAN SINCE MY JUNIOR YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL 1988, son. There’s a fucking amperand.
You wanna play that “verify by looking at the spine” game on ME, son? I got a whole shelf full of Watterson books right here! You wanna play? Let’s play.
(mumbling under breath)… gonna tell ME… there ain’t no ampersand in Calvin & Hobbes… must be crazy… (Grabs The Lazy Sunday Book)
Look! (thumps book triumphantly) SEE?? Here it is right…
(Double-take.)
(Puzzled.)
(Grabs “Yukon Ho,” bewildered.)
(Grabs "Scientific Progress Goes “Boink.”)
(Grabs “THE ESSENTIAL” Treasury.)
(Grabs “THE AUTHORATATIVE” Treasury.)
(Grabs “Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons.”)
(Grabs “There’s Treasure Everywhere,” “Revenge of the Baby-Sat” “The Tenth Anniversary Book” and “It’s A Magical World.”)
(Grabs the Exhibition Catalogue from the exhibition at the Ohio State University Research Library from a visit back in 2002.)
(Goes into cold-ass garage, opens trunk of old clothes, grabs an old T-Shirt and goes back eleven years in time to the 1995 Atlanta Dragon-Com where he purchased unauthorized bootleg iron-on patches of a dancing Hobbes and a dancing Calvin on the back and the strip logo, which clearly reads, “CALVIN & HOBBES.”)
(Cold certainly sets in)
…
Huh.
I can only arrive at one conclusion.
Somebody here at the SDMB is fucking with me.
WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE? HAH? WHO THE FUCK CHANGED THE TITLES OF ALL MY BOOKS? HAHhh? HOW’D YOU GET MY FATHER TO GO ALONG WITH SUCH SICK SHIT???
BY GOLLY… WHEN I FIND OUT WHO… uh… GAINED ACCESS TO MY PRIVATE COLLECTION AND FLAWLESSLY ALTERED THE COVERS AND INTERIORS OF EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY STRIP IN EACH AND ALL MY BOOKS, THERE’S GONNA BE HELL TO PAY.
THANK GOD FOR MY BOOTLEG T-SHIRT!! IF IT HADN’T BEEN FOR THIS, I’D HAVE THOUGHT I WAS LOSING MY MIND! THANK GOD FOR INDEPENDENT CORROBORATION AND THE HIGH REPRODUCTIVE STANDARDS OF ILLEGALLY PIRATED MATERIAL PURCHASED MORE THAN A DECADE AGO!!!
Pretty pathetic, jrfranchi. Kiss my ass, RickJay.
…
Neener neener neener.