Thoughts while waiting fifteen minutes for the band to hunt up a melody at the jazz festival…

If there’s no tune, it’s jazz.

If it’s a bad tune, it’s country.

If there’s one tune, over and over, it’s metal.

If you know the tune even before the song starts, it’s folk.

If it’s somebody else’s tune, it’s hip hop.

If you can’t get the tune out of your head even when you want to, it’s pop.

If it’s a great tune, but the band is out of tune, it’s rock.

If there is no tune or music, it’s rap

If it’s a tune you only know from school, it’s classical

If it’s intentionally out of tune, it’s punk

If it’s a very twiddly, clever tune and the lyrics include ‘cosmic’, it’s 70s prog rock

If it’s a tune, but just not a very good one, it’s Phil Collins on tour

If there’s a tune, but with a million extra notes peppered all over it for no reason, it’s Mariah Carey

If it’s a good tune, just not quite as good as you remember it, it’s a tribute band

If it’s a tune you only know from cartoons, it’s light classical.

If you’ve never heard the tune or the lyrics before, but you can sing along with no problem, it’s Blues