Turning squallor into sanitized sanity (LONG)

Long, but it’s not like you’re doing anything at work anyway.

There’s only two weeks until Doperéal, and since I’ll be having three people staying with me (punha, my heart is broken :(), I absolutely MUST return my place to a livable, perhaps even, pleasant place to stay.

Now, I knew this was going to be a daunting task, but now it’s proving to be a complicated one in terms of planning the order in which I do things. Bear in mind the following chores will be done over the period of a few days.

First thing: buy cleaning supplies. I’m almost out of Pine Sol® and out of Windex®, so I’ll be picking those up on the way home today. I was going to buy Swiffer Wet® pads (not the WetJet®, but the pre-moistened pads), but I’m just going to soak regular Swiffer pads in a 50-50 water/Pine Sol solution instead. Besides, Pine Sol probably has more cleaning power. I’ll be using the Swiffer not only on the floored parts of my place, but also on the bathroom tiles, and the walls. Mmm. Pine-fresh scent! :slight_smile: Which reminds me, I need air freshener (reasons why detailed below).

But see, I can’t do the bathroom until I do the dishes, because I need to soak them in the bathtub with bleach in the water a) because some of them are a bit funky, and b) some of them are encrusted with food.

(I know what you’re thinking: these are the kinds of problems you wish you had. But to quote an episode of ::ick:: Ally McBeal: “Why are your problems more important than everyone else’s?” Ally: “Because they’re mine.”)

I figure the first step will be to clear my apartment of extraneous stuff piled up on my precious [Edina Monsoon]surfaces[/Edina Monsoon], plus the stuff on the floor, like the 80 million old Saturday papers. Like, how difficult is it for me to put them in the green recycling bag and take them down to the basement and dump them in the big green recycling thing? Well, apparently too difficult for me not to have done it on a regular basis. Now I have no choice.

Then there’s the empties. Months and months of them. Granted, the store is just down the block, but those tallboys are damned heavy. I’ll take back maybe 20 a day (two trips’ worth) over a couple of days. If any are left, I’ll just bring them down to the recycling. I know they’re worth money, but I’m not that hard up for cash. Then, the empties of any beer I drink in the interim will be returned on a regular basis.

Then there’s the other crap on my dining room (like I have a dining room :rolleyes: ) table. Some it is crap; some of it I must sort through. Oh, and the crap on my computer desk. This will give me an opportunity to wipe said desk down as well as clean my PC, mouse, and keyboard. And I almost forgot! I can Pledge the table! :slight_smile:

Now that the dishes have been soaking for a good 24 hours, I can then proceed to do the dishes, which will probably take a good couple of hours. But they’ll be DONE, and any dishes I use between now and the DopeFest will be done on a regular basis.

Now that the bathtub is empty, I can proceed to cleaning the bathroom. This is the least difficult of the tasks at hand, as my bathroom is rather small.

Then I have to get all of the dirty laundry off the floor of my bedroom and launder it. But there’s a bedroom task I’m not looking forward to: fixing the drawers of my cheap IKEA dresser. My parents bought it for me when I moved to Montreal 10 years ago, and I haven’t thought to replace it. Anyway, those things are an absolutely beeyotch to fix. Then I have to replace the clothes that is currently hanging out of them.

Bedroom done.

I have a lovely balcony that’s adjoined to my bedroom. In case any of my guests would like to sit on the lanai and enjoy a cool mint julep, I must wipe down the dirt from my patio furniture.

By now everything’s almost done. Now in the days leading up to Doperéal:

  • Use Shout carpet spray in the living room. My place smells like a freaking bar (spilled beer, cigarette smoke). This is also the reason for the air freshener (that, and the fact that the bathroom is adjoined to my bedroom, and there will be four people having number two’s).

  • Dust, re-Pledge the table, wipe things down in general.

  • Pitch out unidentifyable lifeforms thriving in my refrigerator and wipe down the surfaces within.

  • Spiff up the bathroom.

The day of my first guest’s arrival, I must:

  • Change Bunny’s litter and quickly vacuum.

  • Do any dishes in the sink.

  • Use air freshener liberally throughout the day.

That sums it up. I believe it’s a testament to my desire to make staying with me a pleasure for my guests, as opposed to a biohazard. :slight_smile:

Sounds like my apartment. And yeah, it’s going to take the prospect of someone coming to visit for me to clean it up. Fortunately hermits, even the urban kind, receive few visitors.

Good luck!

Ug. Sounds like about as much fun as a root canal.

I cleaned my whole house yesterday, so trust me when I say I feel your pain. My advice? So glad you asked ;), blare some tunes, crack a cold drink, lock the door, take the phone of the hook and just GO. Marathon cleaning sessions are much less stressful than letting chores linger on your mental “to do” list for days at a time, IMO. And you’re done quicker too.

::crossing fingers for scott evil::


If I didn’t have people over (my gaming group) every single Sunday, my place would never[ get cleaned.

scott evil = urban hermit. No, really.

Ugh. Crap. I got absolutely nothing done last weekend. I had to ask for Friday off.

Anyway, I know I’ll feel so much better once it gets done.

Update: I’ve taken the day off, only to wake up at 11 AM. In any case, the dishes have been soaking in the bathtub since yesterday evening.

I’m going to take a nap, return some empties, then tackle the dishes and the crap on my dinner table.

This isn’t panning out the way I wanted it to.

I must be tired; I read that as ‘and then crap on my dinner table’, and thought to myself that it would certainly make some kind of impression on your guests :eek:


So, question to you three dopers crashing with Scottevil?

Does this thread make you doubt your decision? :slight_smile: