Nobody ever has to spell a name.
Cop on the phone, to “BCI”: “Yeah I need you to run down Ignatz Ratzkiwatzki. K thanks.”
Never “No, that’s S as in Sam, not F as in Frank. Sam, no Sam, like *Uncle *Sam.” Never, “Yszygdycz? How do you spell that?”
In soap operas, the only reason there are steps on a set is so that the pregnant character can fall down them.
In sitcoms, the husband can be fat, bald and ugly, but his wife is always drop dead gorgeous.
If the series has all white actors, there will be a token black actor at the table when they have their Friday night poker game.
Sofas are always in the middle of the room, never with the back of the sofa against the wall. Televisions are always placed in exactly opposite the sofa.
Front and back doors are never locked and people just pop in, unannounced, 24 hours a day.
At crime scenes, even though they are wearing gloves, they will never turn on a light…they will use flashlights to look for clues to the crime.
Unless she’s black, in which case she will be rigorous but scrupulously fair.
When cops approach a suspect, they always announce themselves while still 10 feet away, allowing the perp to flee.
and the perp always looks guilty - never tries to bluff his/her way out of being apprehended - unless s/he is a successful business person
Oh, the cops always know at a glance. It’s always, “Lemme see, she wrote down her address on her employee card… here it is: 523 E 22nd St.” Cynical cop rolls his eyes: “That’s right in the middle of the East River.”
They will also approach the suspect in the middle of a crowd of people, and will announce themselves and give every detail of the crime before handcuffing the suspect, allowing said suspect to flee, take a hostage, or pull a gun. Even if the guy is a mass murderer, there will only be two cops makiing the arrest.
When the suspect’s lawyer is present, he/she will object to all the basic, inconsequential questions at the beginning of the interview.
Cop: Where were you last Saturday night?
Lawyer: That’s it, this interview is over.
But the lawyer will mysteriously fade away–they won’t even appear in the camera frame–once the questioning gets really interesting and incriminating.
Cop: Isn’t it true that the reason you went into the bathroom was because you were smuggling a gun in your rectum? The very gun with which you shot and killed your mother? Isn’t it? Isn’t it true?
Suspect: My mother never really liked me.
Cop: Did you or did you not shoot your mother?
Suspect: Yes! Yes I shot my mother! And I’d do it again!
Lawyer: [crickets]
I think Becker had one or two episodes with an asshole in a wheelchair.
DNA samples are processed in a matter of days or hours
Typing a seemingly unrelated clue into the NYPD Intranet pulls up immediate results linking the suspects to the crime, many times complete with a photo of the suspect
Dim lighting is best in which to locate clues at a murder scene
Same dim lighting also works great in the morgue when completing an autopsy
Convienience store surveillance cameras can pick up details from several yards away AND can make out reflections on windows
That’s because computerised image processing is so refined that it can yield information which wasn’t actually in the original picture: if you blow up a photo enough times, you gain resolution, not lose it.
I thought it was rather amusing on Malcolm in the Middle where the father’s poker buddies were ALL black. I assume that was a commentary.
On the mediocre but inoffensive show Yes Dear they had a good bit where the wife decided to redecorate the livingroom and turned the sofa to face the fireplace. So the rest of the show they shot the back of the actor’s heads, while they commented that “this just doesn’t feel right”.
Well, I thought it was funny.
Maybe we should have a thread about shows that undermine the sitcom cliches.
I was also thinking of a thread about MODERN cliches. Not the ones that go back to Lucy. The one’s that could only have happened since the '90’s////
Like the kid who refuses to dissect the frog for animal rights reasons. Has been on at least three shows I can think of.
And the new Thanksgiving cliche…where they serve a tofu turkey. I swear, far more tofu turkeys on tv then in real life.
There was an episode of The Sopranos that skewered this. AJ and one of his pals had broken into the school (for about the third time). Principal calls them into the office and says, “We recovered your DNA from the scene.” They panic and confess everything. Later, AJ is on the phone with Meadow and says, “I had to! They got our DNA!” Meadow informs him that a) it takes at least six weeks to get DNA results and b) it’s not like there’s a world database of DNA that lets you identify one person’s DNA without a sample for comparison. AJ further breaks down. 
Anyway.
– Prostitutes are always gorgeously slutty (or sluttily gorgeous). They never have cold sores, matted hair, bruises or anything like that.
– Restaurant kitchens and waitstaff operate at the speed of light. You order, you get your beverage, your appetizers and your entree all within five minutes. Then you don’t eat the entree, of course, because right then there’s a crisis and you have to take off (after tossing a bill on the table that you know, without looking, will cover the bill AND the tip).
– Grade-school children are capable of making complex, detailed science, art or wood/metal shop projects without help and in one night. (The science projects often illustrate college-level concepts.)
– When someone has to write a story, poem or article, they simply sit down in front of the typewriter or computer and pound it out with no revisions. They might get hung up for a while looking for the “right word”, but they never go back and change anything. Then they hand it in without even checking for typos.
– Whenever a sitcom character suddenly has a pet that’s never been seen or mentioned before, that creature is toast. Similarly, adopting a pet is a simple matter of naming it; you don’t have to take it to the vet for shots or get it licensed or even paper-train it.
–No matter how out of character it may be, all women are bi-curious.
–Bartenders are psychics. A person can walk into a bar that he has never been in before and just say “beer” and will get the exact brand in a bottle or draft without saying anything more.
– Surprised that no one has brought up the “L” shaped blankets yet
Except on the Law & Order shows.
And even then, prostitutes sometimes look suspiciously healthy.
Well? Enough years on the force, chasing down addresses real and imaginary, and you probably would know that at a glance. So would a taxi driver.
Characteristic of too many shows to mention: There is no weather to speak of unless it somehow relates to the episode’s plot.
You know, some of these “TV cliches” are actually conventions of dramatic presentation in general. Practically everything you see or hear has some kind of relevance to plot or character development. IRL a conversation can go in all kinds of random directions with people stepping on each other’s words, but a playwright won’t show us that on the stage, unless he/she is more concerned with an experiment in realism than in telling the audience a story.
[Family Guy]
Porn Director: You got a nice wiggle, baby! Wanna be in a movie, huh? Little girl/girl action, maybe?
Lois: Uhh, Peter!!
Peter: Good luck, buddy. I’ve been barking up that tree for 17 years.
[/Family Guy]
Some more favourite “Law & Order” cliches -
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it’s usually #3 and occasionally #4 in the line-up. Never 1,2,5 or 6
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The detectives of the 27th precinct have a 100% clearance rate - they never seem to fail to make an arrest. It’s the DA who fails to get the conviction.
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subdural haematomae are invariably fatal
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The detectives always will come back to the squad room empty handed and the Lieutenant will tell them the most obvious next place they should look, and she’ll
roll her eyes at them as they leave. Convenient for exposition, but not really complimentary to the detectives… -
oh, and in New York City only one woman gets raped at a time, allowing the entire SVU to concentrate their resources on finding the perp/mook/hump/doer.
mm