On an episode of Numb3rs, they had Bruce Davidson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. They deliberately used that cliche to pull the old switcheroo.
Wiggum: We need a DNA test.
Tech: Ooh, ooh, ee, ooh, ooh, that takes, uh, eight to ten weeks.
Wiggum:(hands him a carton of cigarettes)
Tech: Did I say weeks? 'Cause I meant seconds.
(runs file)
Wiggum: What do you got, the whole town’s DNA on file?
Tech: Yuh huh. If you’ve ever handled a penny, the government’s got your DNA. Why do you think they keep 'em in circulation?
For some reason, detectives feel that they must inform their suspects that they are on to them, and that it’s just a matter of time before they figure out how they did the crime.
Yeah. Like that won’t compel these folks to start destroying evidence or create false leads.
Do you know all those people walking around in the background?
Those are the other detectives working on the other cases.
When praising a girlfriend (or a potential one, at least), a male character will usually start by saying “She’s smart, she’s funny…” and, optionally, a third item that ques audience laughter. ("…and she can drink a sailor under the table…" or whatever.)
Work appropriate dress for female police personnel is skin tight jeans and low cut t-shirts.
All detectives have perfect memories and can memorize an address by glancing at it if written or hearing it once.
Most female police detectives and female District Attorneys have closets full of expensive designer clothes.
There are no white, overweight female police personnel in prime time.,
Chasing and and stopping an airplane while it’s taking off is possible with a car or truck.
Police CSI labs can extract usable DNA if the perp even so much as farts in the crime scene.
Police are allowed to slap the crap out of suspects if they get “mouthy”.
Slightly built female police detectives and CSI techs can easily take down and manhandle 250 lb + criminals.
Male detectives of slight to medium build can easily manhandle, terrorize or knock out muscular hulking criminals any time they care to.
Witnesses will lie to the police over and over again and there will never be repercussions.
Police will agonize over shooting even the guiltiest criminals and be forced to a attend therapeutic counseling for their own good
There’s always a handy parking place in NYC.
A perps clever and expensive lawyer will become a potted plant the instant the detective starts his accusatory riff.
A corollary to this, half the time the character would see that life was actually better without them (spouse marries into wealth, kids are perfect, etc…) but would return anyway out of spite and/or jealousy.
I don’t know if this counts, but every reality show’s teaser for next week’s episode proclaims that the elimination ceremony/contest will be the most shocking and dramatic ever.
I know it’s done for dramatic reasons, but it drives me nuts:
The detectives discover that someone’s life is in danger. Instead of calling it in and having a nearby patrol car go to the rescue, the detectives always drive there themselves.
There was a recent episode of CSI: Miami where the suspect is going after a rape victim who’s hospitalized, the quickest thing to do would be to have hospital security (and tell me a Miami hospital doesn’t have security) sent to the room, to be followed by a uniformed cop. Naturally, this doesn’t happen. Instead the suspect is choking the life out of the victim – I picture Horatio trying to park his car while this is happening then running down the long corridors of the hospital – arriving when the poor victim is only half-dead. Good thing the suspect didn’t use a knife or a gun or else Horatio would have gotten there too late.
This is something that’s always bothered me. It was even mentioned in Big Trouble, where Janeane Garofalo (a Miami cop) actually says, “the house where the TV got shot.”
No doubt inspired by some of the hack reporters whose work I have been unfortunate enough to have to edit.
All waitresses, waiters and hosts remember the faces of everyone that’s ever been in the restaurant by site. Especially criminals, because they were “acting weird.”
Witnesses and other people the cops talk to always know the EXACT address of whomever the cop is looking for, offhand. Co-workers, drug dealers, ex-boyfriend’s grandma’s house, the guy who runs the deli. I don’t know anyone’s exact address other than my parents.