And all through the house…
Not a creature was stirring…
not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung,
By the chimney with care…
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled, all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads
And mamma in her kerchief and I in my cap
had just settled down for a long Winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Like a titanium armoured deathbot with deadly claws all a-clatter!
Away to the window I flew like the Flash.
Open the shutters, and threw up the hash.
With breasts like the moon fallen new on the snow,
Too silly, too silly! Sergeant Major!!!
Gave the Dolly Parton like shadow to objects below,
when, what to my bloodshot red eyes should appear,
But a wobbly old elf, half whacked out on beer.
With eight tiny reindeer, so solemn and grave.
I knew that this guy must be sexually depraved.
He came through the window to the children’s bedroom
And then it came to us he a was a bringer of doom
The large ax in his pocket did give it away
So in order to cease him i did begin to say:
What in the hell am I doing out here;
Everyone that lives in this house;
Doesn’t deserve a thing, not even a louse.
Frank had affairs at a fleabag hotel;
Doris made porn movies, she’s going to hell.
Johnny the oldest sold crack and cocaine;
And Tommy was busted for theft again.
Lisa’s a hooker and makes lots of dough;
And little Joey is wasting away on death row.
My hem’roids are aching, I need to crap;
None of them deserve anything, not even a slap.
On Dancer, on Prancer get the hell out of here.
I’m going home to get wasted on whiskey and beer.
Looked like this thread was going to die before it was finished so I helped it along.