"twice the crispiness"

[Nametag]

@Chez_Guevara

According to Table 4.3 of standard intensity crispness values for low moisture foods (Meilgaard, 1999) crispness begins at 0 and goes up to 9. It’s a bit like the Mohs scale of hardness, only slightly more tasty. A granola bar, for example, is given a crispness value of 1 whereas melba toast gets a 9. I’m surprised to see goldfish given a 6, though. All those I’ve eaten have been quite moist, if not downright wet.

Bones, dude. Bones.

[ArmenE]

@Sunspace

Or 13.5% more lushness in metric. Because American companies use US Customary units.

nitpick - percentage lushness change is unitless and the same for any lushness unit.

[Shamozzle]

I hate phrasing like that in ads.

“The appearance of fine lines are diminished by 36%”
Really? How did you measure that, with a face-analyzing supercomputer? Can it beat Deep Blue at chess?

“Gets teeth five shades whiter.”
What is the measure between shades? Aren’t there an infinite number of shades between any two? Why not use 50 Billion shades?

“Most cargo room in it’s class.”
Surely the car company defined the class such that a competitor model with more cargo room would not be in the same class, no? How convenient.

As paraphrased from the late Bill Hicks:
“Oh, and for those of you in advertising or marketing… kill yourselves. Seriously. Kill yourselves. I know it sounds like I’m trying to be funny, but I’m not. Really. Kill yourselves.”

[billfish678]

Man, you guys are making it way too hard.

Mushiness is SO much easier to measure and so much more accurate.

Then you take 1 and divide by mushiness.

Want it complicated, call an engineer. Want it easy, call a physicist.

[Sapo]

The google ad I am getting is just this image:

with no text or explanation of any sort. (it turned out to be a load cell for measuring weight and force)

[johnspartan]

@Tom_Tildrum

So, can crispiness ever be negative? Or does it just go down to zero?

I would think that crispiness value would have to be positive, but could approach infinity as it approaches zero. In order to be negative crispiness it would have to not only be soggy in its own nature but automatically eliminate neighboring crispiness.

Come to think of it, water would make a wafer less crispy. Maybe it’s a PH balance thing, bases and acids?

[Kobal2]

@Tom_Tildrum

So, can crispiness ever be negative? Or does it just go down to zero?

Are you talking about the prophetized coming of the anti-crisp ?

[billfish678]

@Kobal2

Are you talking about the prophetized coming of the anti-crisp ?

O, what foul overcooked bowl of instant grits slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?

[Santo_Rugger]

@Tom_Tildrum

So, can crispiness ever be negative? Or does it just go down to zero?

A non-Newtonian candy bar, especially one with caramel, could have negative crispiness, if it sticks to your teeth and requires force to separate the jaw. It’s got to be modeled in the second order for candy bars that have both positive and negative values of crunchyness, RMS will not suffice.

[Sapo]

@Santo_Rugger

A non-Newtonian candy bar, especially one with caramel, could have negative crispiness, if it sticks to your teeth and requires force to separate the jaw. It’s got to be modeled in the second order for candy bars that have both positive and negative values of crunchyness, RMS will not suffice.

They call them Tootsie-Rolls

[Cervaise]

@Santo_Rugger

I bought a bicycle seat once that promised 82% more penile blood flow. I wasn’t sure if it was volumetric flow rate, velocity, or… well, something else.

I can promise you 6500% more penile blood flow, but it only works once.