Two gunslingers walk into a bar...

Cafe Society
1

Seeing as they both have excellent eyesight one of’em shoulda seen it. Anywho, they get up and dust themselves off. They get to drankin’ and steely eyed starin’ and the next thing you know;

Roland of Gilead: I heard Quantrill was a Jayhawker and buggered sheep.
Josey Wales: Well I heard Authur Eld was a cuckold and buggered fairies.
Roland: Laura Lee courts Comancheros!
Josey: Susan Delgado kisses hags!
Roland: You have forgotten the face of your father.
Josey: You gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?

hands blur, pistols blaze, the smoke clears revealing the steel-eyed gaze of…?

2

Will Sonnett could take them both. No brag. Just fact.

3

Josey. Because he is Clint Motherfucking Eastwood.

4

185 gunslingers walk into a bar. Bartender sez “I’m sorry, we don’t serve gunslingers in this bar.” The 185 gunslingers reply “But we just wanted a shot…”

5

So’s Roland, or at least directly based on him.

6

Latigo.

*Jug: You hit that fellow from behind?
Latigo: Just as hard as I could! *

7

Roland. He one-hand-reloads one of his six shooters while shooting grapes flung from a slingshot with the other six shooter. It’s even more over the top than Superman.

8

The headless Thompson gunner stands alone.

9

They got their steel-eyed gazes from when they walked into the bar, right?

10

Shane kills them both.

11

Gooseman?

12

He came back?

13

Of course, he never got his sodie-pop.

Will Munny was seen heading towards the bar later. 'Course with his eye-sight…

14

… the Hubba Bubba cowboy, contemplative over the tragic tableau of the dead and wounded.

Shaking his head sadly as he turns to leave, he is heard to whisper “Big bubbles. No troubles.”

15

“Look Curly, It’s Ringo…How ya doing, Kid?”

16

In what world would a gunslinger start gossiping with the man sitting next to him at a bar? Not likely to happen.

17

Did he get shot and die as he rode into the sunset?

18

Got shot, but it’s Shane for heaven’s sake. Do you think a bullet could stop him? No, he’ll be back. He’ll be back when we really need him.

19

Walk ? *Walk *?! A gritty gunslinger doesn’t just walk [del]into Mordor[/del]. He moseys.

20

Roland’s abilities are essentially superhuman. King tries to write him as having gone through the most unbelievable sort of medeival-meets-Old-Weast-meets-Navy SEALS training, but a “gunslinger” in that world has shooting powers beyond those of a human being (and, not incidentally, probably physically impossible given the weapons they use.)

Clint Eastwood, be he Josey Wales, the Man With No Name, The Preacher, or whomever, is a hell of a gunfighter but still human. He wins because of observational bias; he’s the hero and you are watching a story where the hero wins.

Roland would gun him down. But Stephen King would somehow write Eastwood back to life.