Two questions about menstruation- DoperWimmin, help me?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I didn’t address the weight issue because I though WhyNot addressed it pretty thouroughly. That said, teenaged girls are so sensitive with weight issues, so it would be a good point of discussion to talk about those changes,Cartooniverse, and body image. I remember all those new fleshy areas being confounding, so open discussion, especially with a sympathetic Dad, could be a great help to get beyond the ultra skinny image foisted on young girls.

I was curious about information on the web, and, of course, there was tampax.com Seems pretty friendly, I wish there was that level of info as a teen. It’s a commercial source, yep, but can see that it will serve to back up Dad in his advice.

22

Make sure she has a good supply of panty liners. These can be a real lifesaver (and pants-saver). She can wear one with a tampon to catch any leaks. She can use one alone on her light days. And she can wear one on those days when she thinks she might get her period, so she doesn’t have to worry about it quite so much. There are lots of brands and types out there. Let her try a few different ones to see what she likes. (For some reason, I find the Always ones comfortable, but some other brands so uncomfortable as to be unwearable.)

As far as tampons, I recommend the Pearl by Tampax. I find the applicator way easier to use than cardboard applicators. It’s easier to get in, and it provides a non-slip grip that makes it easy to hold when I push in the “plunger” part. The tampon itself is shaped in a very unique way–almost like the wings of a bat. It works really well. I swore off Tampax years ago, and never thought I would use a plastic applicator, but the Pearl is so good that I’m happy to use it. I also like O.B. tampons. I’d rather use an applicator most of the time, but the O.B.s are so tiny that they’re really convenient to carry.

Come to think of it–you know what would be kind of cool? Get her a small zippered bag or purse that she can put some supplies in and keep in her schoolbag. That way, she won’t be caught unawares, and when she is actually having her period, she’ll have a place to keep her supplies.

As far as the “baby fat” thing, I always thought it was just something people said to teenage girls so they were less likely to feel bad about being a little pudgy. In other words, if the girl complains about being fat, the mom might say “it’s just baby fat. It’ll go away.” Of course, there are biological reasons for girls to gain weight at times in puberty–the hormones are going haywire. But I always thought “baby fat” was chubbiness left over from childhood, not new weight put on.

23

IANATampon Manufacturer, but I had a lot to do with the information sheets and labelling from the bureaucracy side.

The terms like “Super” and “Regular” are more marketing terms, and don’t translate between brands. The boxes should also say “suitable for light/medium/heavy” flow, as appropriate. These will be equivalent between brands, so she can try the eg “heavy flow” in one brand and compare it to the “heavy flow” in another in order to compare brands. Different brands of tampons swell differently, and some will be more suitable for her internals than others. This wil let her find out.

Also, the amount of flow will vary through the course of her period - she may have a “light” day and 2 “heavy” days. Just buy different absorbancies - don’t use one size and leave it in longer (risk of TSS if she is a carrier of the relevant strain of Staph aureus ) or take it out earlier (if the tampon is not saturated it is uncomfortable to remove and there is a risk of microabrasion of the vaginal wall) or insert several to cope with a heavy flow (just increases the likilhood of leaking and discomfort). Truly, if they are inserted correctly they are almost undetectable to the wearer till they are full.

Don’t use a lubricant - if it isn’t comforable going in, work out why. It means there is a problem. Maybe the insertion angle is wrong. Standing with one foot on the ground and the other on the toilet lid may give a better angle. And if you can say THAT to your daughter, my hat goes off to you!!!

Tampons are one of the most shoplifted items by young girls. Can you afford a special allowance for it for a few months while she works out what she needs? With a panty pad and maxipad bonus while her cycles settle into a pattern?

Something I find fascinating: tampon usage is a cultural thing - certain cultures have almost zero use, some almost 100% use. The almost zero usage changes to match the usage pattern in the country of residence not the country of origin. In terms of units sold worldwide, it is about 50/50 applicator/nonapplicator. The applicator usage is boosted by teh American usage patterns, which is predominantly applicator. Most other countries are predominantly nonapplicator, but America has the weight of numbers!

Most good manufacturers have web sites to answer the questions young girls are embarrassed to ask, and even help lines for direct questions. They had (at least here in Aus) tended to hire ex-nurses to staff them and to do in-school info visits. She may find them helpful, and the web address will be on the info sheet in each box.

And a special container, such as a little purse, is a good idea. If they rattle round in the bottom of her bag the wrapping will break and the tampons will become dirty.

There is a nonapplicator brand here which come in little opaque ziplock bags which are colour coded by absorbancy, but i don’t know if they are available in the US. It is a very good solution IMHO.

24

I’m a 38 year old woman who has given birth (and I stopped being a virgin some time ago) and I still find tampons uncomfortable. And they were not usable at all until my twenties, by which time my hymen had stopped providing resistance. They were very painful to insert until then. I just didn’t swim during that time.

Now, its possible that with KY jelly, plastic applicators (or no applicators), and slim sized tampons, I would have been able to do it - if swimming were important enough to me.

As for the baby fat - does your daughter have that typical Korean build - stocky and square? (My son doesn’t, he looks like he is going to be tall and skinny if his growth pattern holds) If so, that isn’t going to help. And going off topic - However, its probably worth it at this age to call around, find someone who specializes in Asians, and take her in for a makeover. I know a lot of white mom’s have a real problem helpingwhen it comes to Asian teens and putting on makeup, taking care of the hair, etc. And with adopted kids, their friends are usually pretty pink, too - so the sharing makeup and tips that happens at that age doesn’t really work.

25

Our Bodies, Our Selves is a great book. Good job for you on the dad-daughter stuff; it can’t always be easy. I don’t use tampons, but that’s just probably because I didn’t get the hang of inserting them as a teenager. Definitely try out a variety of brands, sizes, and the bit of KY is also a great idea I would never have thought of.

Mothers can be weird. Mine told me that my period stopped when I went swimming. Uh, mum? You mean was “diluted” not “halted”.

That bit about tampons being shoplifted the most by girls is appalling. It’s hard enough being a teenaged girl without having access to the supplies. We just put it on the grocery list like any other bathroom product. For some reason it was called “ammunition”.

“Do you need any ammunition?” my mother would say. “I’m going to the grocery store.”

I was never expected to pay for supplies myself. It was just part of things my parents supplied like toothpaste, toilet paper, and so on.

I am old enough to remember that when I first got my period, all the pad boxes were advertised as now being BELTLESS! A sticky strip to fix it in place on the panty was a new inovation. I can’t imagine doing all the clips and stuff. Ugh.

26

My mother still believes this. Whenever she tries to convince me (which she does a lot), I try fruitlessly to reason with her. How would my blood-laden uterus know that I’m swimming? Do neurotransmitters travel to your cervix and slam the door shut the moment your ass hits the water? What would be the purpose of such a mechanism? Shark-attack prevention? It doesn’t make any sense!

(If it was a real phenomenom, you’d never get me out of a swimming pool.)

Another thing that might be helpful is to teach your daughter how her to do her own laundry (or allow her to do her own loads, if she already knows how). My dad was the one who did laundry when I was a teenager, and it was embarrassing knowing he was seeing my stained shorts or whatever. I wouldn’t make it yet another “Now that you’ve started your period” moments, but just have it be another chore of hers, or something. I dunno. Just a suggestion from someone who often has accidents and lives in horror of everyone knowing about it.

27

Well, it doesn’t stop, but if your flow is light or even reasonable (as someone who has spent hours of PMS time in the bathtub) the flow isn’t noticable. The only time I ever noticed flow in the bathtub with post-birth, and anyone who has given birth knows that is an unusual situation (run to you doctor if your normal menstrual flow involves a week of hospital pads and passing clots the size of ping pong balls).

The theory presented by me is that the pressure of the water outside your body keeps the flow inside your body. Don’t believe it, but its not completely unreasonable.

28

Oh man, I love you people. I’m just now online again after posting my O.P. First of all, I thank everyone for the varied responses and ideas. A few comments. ( I hope I don’t sound defensive- nobody here knows me well enough to know what I have or haven’t done or read ).

We gave each kid the " What Is Happening To My Body " books a few years ago. Son is 15. They peruse as they see fit, which is fine by me. I read them both through. Lots of overlap in both books which I most heartily approve of. I referred to it as " What in the HELL is happening to me?? " book for a while. Both kids found this title to be amusing. Till they actually hit puberty. At which point, it lost it’s humor value. :smiley:

" Our Bodies, Ourselves" is something I got my neice when she was about 15. I did not read it all the way through, although when I was a teenager I read the first edition of it. ( Neice got her copy about 9 years ago, I do believe it was 2nd edition of the book ). An excellent excellent book. I just felt, as I read some of your posts and wondered if I should get that as well for daughter, that “O.B., O” spent a bit too much time dealing with the assumptions and realities that go with being fully sexually active. That may be my daddy fears showing through. She’d find ways to tell me if she was even petting with a boy, we’re that blunt with one another when alone. She isn’t there yet, and for some reason that book feels more “grown up woman” than “What Is Happening To My Body?” Again, perhaps I owe her the time spent reading a copy of " O.B., O " and checking those feelings at the door against the value of the book in her hands. If I cannot be reasonably open-minded, I shouldn’t be doing this.

Please understand- I have no tampon-pushing agenda. ( boy…there’s a slightly horrifying image. ) I really don’t. She has only used pads insofar and I wanted answers and thoughts regarding their use, comforts, etc. The poster who felt that she and I were not well educated enough because I didn’t specifically spell out concerns regarding T.S.S. was - understandably- wrong. It is a huge fear of mine. However, there is a lot of research regarding the frequencies of the infection and the materials used in different tampons. Obviously, frequency of changing them is the finest preventative measure. But some brands have caused more infections than other brands. As this Harvard Law School brief discusses, the Rely Tampon brand showed markedy higher rates of T.S.S. Interesting read.

My Korean daughter seems to- at this point- not have the stocky long-torso’d body of the stereotypical South Korean, but rather the more slender legs and lithe torso of Vietnamese or Thai women. She shows- in many physical characteristics- Siberian/Mongol blood more than the stocky build of some other Asians. Anyway- my question regarding “baby fat” ( which may have been a poor use of words, now that I think about it ) was not directly related to daughter at all. As she approached and moved through menarche, she hasn’t thickened up at all except in the sort of average girly areas of her body. ( insert proper aghast gaze of terror from father that his little girl even has girly areas now. :slight_smile: )

Swimming. Yeah. A conversation just a few nights ago yielded total agreement from the women at the table, " Oh yeah, it always stops when you swim or shower. Dunno how the body knows to do that. It’s cause deep down we’re just animals and nature takes care of that". I’m sitting there, obviously without an informed opinion, thinking WHAT?

As for the prime opportunity to take shots at my wife, I will leave that to you posters. My Op was about trying to work with my daughter and my relationship with her, and wondering things about…things.

Keep those thoughts and responses coming. This is enormously helpful to me, and anyone who is unsure of the answers and wants to proceed with care and love.

29

Well…anecdotally, they’re right. With the exception of post-childbirth and a dreadful period after Depo-provera, I’ve never had a problem with blood flowing out while I was showering, bathing or swimming, and I have pretty copious periods.

If I was to WAG, I’d say that it has something to do with the surprisingly little amount of menstrual fluid passed each cycle. Women pass, on average, 50-100mL each month. That’s 1.5-3 Tablespoons for the whole period. Not very much. Over a period (hah!) of several hours, it’s enough to stain a pad or panties, but it’s only a few drops an hour. (Yes, it looks like more on a pad, I understand. But liquid always looks like more when it’s spread out on a flat surface. Go pour a teaspoon of water on your counter and see what a huge puddle it makes.) Also factoring in that it has to work its way down 8 inches of vagina, and is caught up in the labia and pubic hair…well, if you wipe well before going in, you’re not likely to shed any noticable amount of fluid in only an hour.

30

Actually, Cartooniverse, my dad and I handled this sort of thing as well. My mom didn’t have a problem discussing it with me, it’s just that I got along much better with my dad (mom jokes that she gave birth to her husband’s best friend). What’s important is that your daughter has someone to help her through this, who has a positive attitude. Mom may come around once she gets used to the idea. But if she doesn’t, your daughter’s still got you and that ain’t bad. She understands that her mom doesn’t think it nasty, she’s just uncomfortable talking about, right?

I believe I’ve seen boxes of tampons in a variety of sizes. That way you can buy just one box until she knows what she needs. TSS is a bad thing, but I think it should be concern not terror when I think of it. Use the smallest that will do the job and change as recomended on the box. It wasn’t too long ago that they were advertizing that tampons were now considered safe for overnight use. Though I second that she should have a visit to the GYN before too long, to make sure everything’s in working order and get over the sometimes scary first visit when she’s got a parent to lean on.

31

If she wants to use the kind of tampons with applicators, I suggest the ones with plastic applicators. They seem to go in more easily. I like the Playtex brand, although YMMV. Also, make sure she realizes that neither the applicator nor tampon is flushable.

If it’s difficult for her to get the tampons in, putting them in at a bit of an angle helps. I normally put mine in angled slightly down and to the side, but every girl’s body is different.

Also, O.B. brand tampons, which are applicator-less, are a little shorter than the applicator tampons, so I have an easier time with those. They may be slightly messier to get in, but I rarely have a problem with it. I like them much better.

If I were you, once your daughter decides what brand and type of tampons she likes, I would buy one of the packs that have the different types of tampons in them (light, heavy, regular, etc).

Especially before she gets used to being able to judge what heaviness of tampon she needs to use at what time, it might be a good idea for her to wear old underwear or very light pads during her period so that leaks don’t mess up her underwear. Heck, I still have leaks sometimes. I generally try to wear black underwear when I have mine- blood stains don’t show.

I’m going to second the idea of getting a cute little container to keep supplies in. When I was her age, I would have been mortified to have had to ask someone else for a tampon if I got caught unawares, or if someone had found one in my backpack. Menstruating was something that we all knew that we all did, but none of us ever talked about. I wasn’t comfortable with discussing on the subject until high school.

Tell her to begin marking the dates of her period on a calendar. This way, you can find a pattern. When girls start menstruating, a lot of times they don’t follow the strict 28 day cycle- if you find out she menstruates about every 20 days, or every 35 days, or whatever, she can better predict when she’ll need to be prepared for it. I always put a star on my calendar to mark the day when I was expecting mine, so that I wouldn’t forget and be caught unawares, and then wore light tampons for the few days before just in case it came early. Also, if she doesn’t follow an exact cycle, or is a little early or a little late, it’s okay.

If your daughter has any questions that she’s not comfortable discussing with you, I think there are websites and stuff that can help. If she wants, she can email me, if she doesn’t think it too weird to ask personal questions to someone her dad met on the internet.

I think it’s great that you can discuss these things so openly with your daughter.

32

I’ll go you one better: what your daughter needs, cartooniverse is none other than Vinnie’s Giant Roller Coaster Period Chart & Journal Sticker Book! A truly tremendous product that makes keeping track of your period fun (it comes with Vinnie’s Tampon Case as an added bonus). I carry Vinnie’s Tampon Case in my own purse – it’s autographed (swoon) by Vinnie himself, and yes, he really is a unibrowed Brooklynite who cares an unusual amount about menstruation.

Know Your Flow!

33

The sad thing is, until quite recently I had a spare copy – mint in case as it were – I would have been happy to give you ( a girl can only use so many once she’s on the pill and her period comes every fourth thursday… regular like the clocks in Geneva).

You see what happens when you make packrats get rid of stuff! Yousee!? packrat angst whimper

34

Um. God. Another misinformation fixed. I thought pads were not flushable but tampons were. ??? Yes yes, the applicators are never flushable but I was under the apparently mistaken impression that ( to put it delicately since we’re all ladies here :wink: ) the in-need-of-changing tampon was removed whilst steated on the toilette and dropped into the bowl and flushed away.

You mean to tell me this is incorrect? Lawdy.

This guy, Vinnie. I must make his acquaintance. Brooklyn, you say?

I try to handle it with humor and respect with daughter. At some point in the last few months we were in the stupidmarket and strolling down That Aisle. I pointed to one package and declared excitedly, " Hey, I bet you should try those. They have wings- that signifies you having taken flight into womanhood, right? "

Sometimes, my daughter, she beats me up in public. Not that I’m saying anything, or anything… :smiley:

35

Your ship’s in pally, cause Vinnie and his Flow-Friendly bros will be at the Sheep Meadow in Central Park this coming friday after school hours giving out 100 Free tampon cases! Coolest ever!

For more info on Free Case Fridays, go to www. tamponcase.com, click the “Tamp King” icon (second from right) and follow links to learn more.

36

Tampons are often flushable, but older septic systems don’t handle them well at all. And rather than risk it (even with a newer septic system) a lot of women throw them in the trash.

At home we wrap “used products” it toilet paper before tucking them in the trash, btw.

And while she stablizes and gets a count, wearing a panty liner every day might keep the embarrassing “unexpecteds” to a minimum.

37

Joking aside, assuming your daughter decides not to make the leap to tampons (it is a little daunting, I still haven’t) it might be a good idea to get her to try different kinds of pads to find out what kinds she prefers, if you haven’t already. Thick, thin, wings, no wings, different brands. When I first started it took me a while to find a brand I liked–I didn’t like wings at the time, but I had gawdawful heavy flows and it took a couple tries to find a brand that didn’t leak horribly. I’ve never really been able to use the same kind my mother uses. (And maybe I’m a freak, but for a while at least, I preferred the feeling of the thick pads to the thin ones)

38

I’ll second Hello Again’s Vinnie’s Tampon cases recommend. Very funny, nice artwork, and breaks down the taboo barriers. Seems like a fine Dad/daughter outing to head to Central Park on a holiday weekend for Free Tampon Cases. That’s the stuff memories are made of!

39

No cite, but wearing tampons when you don’t absolutely need to do so is generally considered a relatively bad idea…just sayin’. :slight_smile:

40

I always attributed the weight gain during the few months before I got my first period to the fact that I’d just shot up 6 inches rather suddenly (yes, before that, I was even shorter!), and then suddenly my rate of growth decreased drastically, but I was used to eating sufficient calories to sustain the rapid growth spurt. Things regulated themselves, though, as my body started to look less girlish and more womanly.