Types of child actors NOT to cast

With all the hatred vented towards the Pepsi Girl, we should all band together and send this to Hollywood casting agents:

Dear Casting agent,
Please, for the love of all that is sacred, DO NOT cast ANY children who have the following traits:

  1. Snaggled teeth. Oh, sure kids from the ages of about 4-9 have all kinds of trouble as their adult teeth come in. It is only cute ONCE. (read: the Pepsi Girl)

  2. Speech impediments. Lisping isn’t cute or funny. Jut ask Susan “Cindy Brady” Olsen.

  3. Bowl haircuts. Cousin Oliver (Brady Bunch). Ricky (Partridge Family)

  4. Big round glasses (whether necessary or not). Again see Cousin Oliver.

  5. Chubby, gopher cheeks. NEVER cute. See the Pepsi Girl and the grape juice girl (didja know the grape juice girl was once a regular on “Step By Step”?)

  6. Overweight children cast just because they’re overweight. That movie about the kids at the fat camp was an insult.

  7. Weird voices. Jonathan Lipnicki, for example. Remember Froggy from the Little Rascals?

So, Casting Agent, STOP IT NOW!! We know approximately where you live.

Maybe it’s just me, but this is much more worrisome than someone telling me they know where I live. The “approximately” gives it that extra added touch of verisimilitude to make it sound like a real threat, plus it’s got that “malice aforethought” thing going with the implied “and I’ll find out where exactly.”


:The poster is not nor ever has been a casting agent.:
:The poster does, however, own a couch.:

:The couch is approximately in his living room.:


Could someone here tell KneadToKnow what a joke is?

Perhaps not, but I can tell KneadToKnow it’s “malice and forethought,” not “malice aforethought.”


I think that was a joke…

Apparently the Georgia legislature also needs to be briefed. (Not that I can’t imagine that bunch mangling the English language.)

I can count on one hand the number of kids in starring movie or TV roles that did not bug the hell out of me: Sarah Polley in “The Adventures of Baron Munchausen”, Craig Warnock in “Time Bandits”, Hayley Joel Osment in “The Sixth Sense”, and the actor who’s name escapes me, but he played Jim Hawkins in “Muppet Treasure Island”. Actually, that last one may be debatable, as he seemed to be going through puberty during the movie and may not precisely qualify as a child.

If any director other Terry Gilliam was helming “Good Omens”, I would go have a good cry in the closet. I already have severe doubts about “Harry Potter” due to the involvement of Chris Columbus.

See ‘Radio Flyer’ for outstanding child acting by Elijah Wood and the kid from Jurassic Park, Joseph Mazzello.

And alternatively, do not see anything with Charlie Korsmo in it.