I’d be glad to. When I get home and can check my email.
Thank you.
‘A black fly in your chardonnay’ or a ‘death row pardon two minutes too late’ is not ironic, it just sucks.
I often say, “Six and a half of one, half a baker’s dozen of the other”. Still accurate, but catches people by surprise.
I’m positive that Gaudere’s Law did indeed bite you. 
I like that one, I have for a while. I think it’s a really good description of relentless haggling. I think we should promote the phrase, and drive the earlier one out of use.
What is that called? The exchange of one phrase for another that people find offensive? Using ‘Judas Priest’ instead of ‘Jesus Christ’ as a curse.
Thanks! I was hoping someone would pick up on that!
My offspring would make a great poster-child for this very thing. I keep wondering if some of that weed I smoked in highschool wasnt harboring away planning an escape that would make Hogan himself proud…
These are a few of my favs:
One day (not too long ago) my <teenage> daughter asked me why she has a hard time sitting still for any length of time. I responded: “I dont know, maybe you have A.D.D”
puzzled look “A.D.D? What’s that?”
“Attention Deficit Disorder”
After a few seconds of methodical(?) silence, she rolls her eyes at me and gives me one of those “how dare you insult me!” looks and responds in a stern tone “Oh Mom! I do NOT require attention all the time!”
I laughed so hard I cried… though I’m not sure if it was from her naive nature or, from her naive nature.
Another (though not as funny):
The day before Thanksgiving (last year) I asked my daughter to make Strawberry Pretzel Salad while I was at work and told her to call me if she needed help with anything or didnt understand the directions.
I got home and saw the what-shoulda-been dessert sitting on the counter.
“Pickle! What the heck did you do?!” Every minute becoming more irritated as I gazed down on a pan filled with a pretzel crust, a layer of creamcheese mixture that appeared to have had a cup of red KoolAid poured over it. “Why wasnt this put in the fridge so the Jello could set?”
“Mom, I followed the directions just as it read, when it said to let it chill, that’s what I did - I left it on the counter to rest.”
I had to explain to her that recipes are not written in today’s slang and I have banned her from the kitchen (except to wash dishes).
And last, but definately not least:
I spent many weekends driving to and from Kansas and Nebraska when the chil’n were younger (it was a nice drive and Kansas is not as flat as you would think) and this was the opportunity to catch up on what they’re learning in school, etc. This particular trip I had decided to have the serious Mom-daughters birds&the bees talk. To keep their attention I would ask them various questions pertaining to the subject matter. I asked them to tell me the difference in the genitalia of a boy and girl.
JD piped up with the answer of the boys have a penis and Pickle jumped in with “Girls have the china!” :smack:
[QUOTE=Greg Charles]
[li]homophones – words that sound the same, but are spelled differently[/li][/QUOTE]
And hate gay people.
(I’ll be here all week, folks.)
That’s a “Minced Oath” - odd expression, more often we would say of a blunt speaker that he didn’t mince his words but we use it rarely in the positive sense.
A euphemism.
Anti-hijack: I’ve started a new thread to continue discussion of our vocal differences. 
Heh. There’s one on the way to boggette’s house that claims to be the “Evangelical Free Church of Christ”. I can never figure out if they mean that evangelicals aren’t welcome, or that you get one free each time you attend a service.
Maybe it means that they don’t have to pay? 
No, no, you’re thinking of the Free Evangelical Church of Christ. And even there, you only get a free one your first time (although you can get one for half off after your fifth service).
There is a store near us called,
Foreign Used Car Parts
Coming from a descriptive rather than prescriptive view of language, I don’t have a problem with this. It is standard in certain English dialects.
From the OED, **un- **
- The redundant use of un- is rare, but occurs in OE. unlíesan, and ME. unloose, which has succeeded in maintaining itself. Later instances are unbare, unsolve, unstrip (16-17th cent.), and the modern dialect forms unempt(y), unrid, unthaw (also locally uneave). Another redundant or extended use (= ‘peel off’) exists in UNPEEL v.
The word unthaw itself is documented in the OED in its own entry:
unthaw: trans. and intr. To thaw. Also fig.
I overheard this conversation in the mall today.
“You need a dictionary.”
“What?”
“You need a dictionary.”
“I don’t need a dictionary.”
“You need one of those dictionaries you write phone numbers in.”
I had a girlfriend who, though highly educated, was always saying things like “Call out the calvary!” or “The calvary’s coming to save us!” in reference to someone coming to the rescue. We broke up before I got around to telling her that the word was “cavalry.”
Forgive the bump, but how is it supposed to be pronounced?