Unclear on the concept

So I get this piece of postcard junkmail yesterday from one2one, my mobile phone network provider, which contains the following text:

That’s it. That’s the whole text.

So what the hell was that all about? :confused:

Are they:

a) Really softpedaling their information services

“Hey – you’ve got a phone! And you use it sometimes! And you could, y’know, maybe sometimes call one of our premium information service lines. Hey, you like to travel, right? We’ve got a travel line! That’d be worth some cash, right? Right?”

b) Besieged by calls to their helpline from people who’ve been wondering what the hell that thing with the buttons is that’s been lying around the house for the last three months

“You mean you can call people on this thing? Wow!”

c) Besieged by calls to their helpline from people who are unaware that, for mobile phones to work, you actually have to have it with you

“Look – I pay good money to one2one so that I can make phone calls from anywhere I go! You never said anything about needing a phone!”

d) Pathetically begging their customers to spend more money on phone calls

“Please, people, we’ve got families to support here! If you don’t send at least three text messages a day, my kids’ll starve! Have a heart, folks!”

or e) In radical need of a new marketing department.

And to top it all off, they can’t punctuate very well either.


Pfeh? Is that a variation on pifffle or feh?

Well, after hearing a tech support story about a woman who didn’t know you needed a computer to access the internet, I’d say anything is possible.

Indeed. :wally

Since most words starting with “PF” are German, I’d say it was the German pronounciation.

(You mean that you don’t pronounce “feh” with a slight unvoiced bilabial plosive preceding the fricative? It’s much more derisive that way.)

I pfind that my pflat Midwestern accent comes off just pfine in most message-board posts. If you don’t like it, you can pfuck off.


Is there some sort of record or award for getting your thread hijacked in the very pfirst response?


::hands jr8 a pfetching statuette of a nekkid lady holding a cell fone::

Dear Mr. 8:

I would like to apologize for highjacking your thread; also for killing it. It was thoughtless of me. It will not happen again. See atonement below.



Dear Mr. zone:

I would also like to apologize to you for telling you to pf*ck-off. There is no call for that kind of language in MPSIMS. It will not happen again.



In atonement, I would like to address the OP. I have the cell phone plan with the smallest number of minutes permitted. I tend to use it only in emergencies (like when I need to know whether to get mushrooms and onions on the pizza). I sometimes forget I have it with me. If I were to change my habits and begin taking my phone everywhere and using it even in non-emergencies, why, my cell phone services provider would obtain more of my money. So, the postcard was probably sent to you by mistake–I am clearly their target market.

Should further atonement be required, you may instruct your cell phone services provider to direct all future marketing materials to me.

What? Oh, erm…

I meant to reply, really I did, but I’ve been busy admiring this lovely statuette.

In the bathroom.

With the door locked.


Actually my cellphone use is restricted almost exclusively to communication with my wife. We both lead busy lives and only see each other in the morning and in the late evenings, as we never seem to be home at the same time. So having a means of regular and reliable communication has kept the marriage going, really. If we could get two reliable long-range walkie-talkies, it would probably work about as well.

So, it wouldn’t hurt you to call your wife right now, just to say hello. I’m sure she would appreciate it. Tell her I said “hi.”

You know, you can use a cell phone to keep in touch with family.

Really? Wow.

And here I thought a WAP phone was just something you hit people with.

Oddly, this postcard would have made both more and less sense if it had been sent to me, as I don’t have a cell phone.