Although she overcome deafness and blindness to become a renowned author and lecturer, Helen Keller never quite grasped the intricacies of the infield fly rule.
Ducks are unripe geese.
There is evidence that dinosaurs had names for each other and understood the concept of sarcasm.
In a pinch, an erection may serve as a crude sundial.
I knew that. Also, if you pick an unripe barnacle goose, its bones will not have formed* and it can be cooked and sliced to make sandwiches. You’ll need to brine it for a few days first, though, to remove the tannins. Otherwise, it will be bitter.
*Best picked when they are about the size of a cornish game hen. Larger ones will be full of cartilage, if not developing bones.
As immortalized in the ancient poem:
A sailor who slept in the sun
Woke to see that his fly was undone.
Said he, with a smile:
“My gosh, a sundial!
And I see it’s a quarter to one!”
The Romans, having no knowledge of vocal chords, believed that different pitches were sung by changing the shape of one’s diaphragm. Flattening the diaphragm was believed to lower the pitch, from which we retain the modern convention of “flats” and “sharps”.
If you leave a lime in the sun long enough, it will turn into a lemon.
Agnostida is an order of arthropods that aren’t sure whether or not there is a God.
Natural salami has seeds. Seedless salami is a result of grafting.
Leonardo DaVinci invented the toilet seat. Before then, wrist straps were used to help people suspend themselves over squat holes. The invention was nearlya complete failure, as many thought it was filthy and disgusting to defecate while seated.
Tampons were intended by their inventor as a specialized bandage for nose bleeds.
The film ET was originally a documentary, but was turned into what seemed like a feature film, so that the alien Technology that was made from speak and spells, and house hold junk could be kept top secret.
Cheese can be made from many liquids besides milk.
The christian rapture has already occurred - it happened in 1971 - and the few that were taken up were such upopular isolationist types that no one has reported them missing to this day.
You can put your hand in boiling water if you do the following first:
- make sure your hand is completely dry
- have removed all hair from hand and wrist (including knuckle hairs)
- keep your hand moving at all times
- repeat the following phrase loudly over and over “OWAH TAD UNSI YAM KAWL NIYUN WUN WUN!”"
You will still be hideously burned, but your friends will either be amazed or amused.
Apple juice is used as an industrial coolant in the manufacture of most smartphones, except, curiously, Apple iPhones, which use prune juice instead, owing to it’s superior purity and lubricating properties.
The spiky haircut did not originate with the punk movement in the latter 20th century, but in fact much earlier with the little-known 15th century Germanic keine Scheiße movement. They believed that by adopting extremely spiky hair-do’s then, in the off chance that any one of them ever became famous, and a great iron statue were to be built of them, then the statue hair would keep pigeons from landing and shitting on them.
Manx Gaelic - the historical and second official language of the Isle Of Man, has no word for ‘woman’
The best way to keep a dog from scootching his butt on the carpet is to stick your finger in his rectum.
Absolutely true but please do not look this up on YouTube, nobody wants to see that.
Ripley’s Believe it or not!" newspaper column was orignally called “Stupid crap I made up while drunk”
A typical domestic bee hive contains more than 6 oz of mercury, 2 oz of arsenic and 1/2 oz of cyanide. The bees collect these toxins as a way of detering other insect pests. It is kept separate from the honey by a special class of worker bees who are born with natural haz mat suits.
The average human penis is 12.5 inches long. If you think it is a smaller number, then you are a victim of a compasionate conspiracy designed to save the feelings of the unlucky bottom end of the bell curve.
Fred Astaire had a wooden leg and was completely deaf.
The myth that humans only use 10% of their brains is completely false. They actually only use 3%, the other 97% is just connective tissue that keeps your ears exactly the right distance apart.
Foam rubber is actually a naturally occuring mineral. It forms the same way as coal, except the orginal plant material comes from rubber trees. It is extensively mined in Paraquay and northern Canada.
Scientists have discovered that the Ludricetius Anomolia Snail communicate with each other via UHF radio. Their signals sound like very slow opera.
Until 1977, the glue used to bind paperback books was made from fetal dolphin cartiledge. The formula was changed when they discovered that fetal porpose carftiledge worked just as well, and was cheaper.
since soap is made from lye and fat, the best way to wash yourself is using a mixture of the two directly on your skin.
If you drink a mixture of lye and fat once a day for 120 years, you will live to be very old.
I heard that Victoria’s Secret now carries Freudian Slips. They’re just like the ones your mother wore.
A group of Soviet geologists once accidentally drilled all the way through to Hull, on the northeast coast of England.
The resulting constipation is the primary reason the Nazis were so darned mean. Part of the Allies’ job during the reconstruction after VE Day was teaching the Deutchlanders how to declench without the need for any vulgar use of German tongue.
Ther most commonly used letter in english is NOT “e”. it is “w”. The mistake is due to the fact that “w” is often not only silent, it is invisible as well.
If you suspend a McDonald’s French fry by a thread tied around its middle, so that it it hangs balanced horizontally, it will point to the nearest Arby’s. No one knows why.
The total of two randomly thrown eleven sided dice is physically and mathematically impossible to calculate.
Darkness travels faster than light. This is obvious with a moment’s thought - it always gets there first!
There is no such thing as “The Great Apes”, the error was caused when a taxonomist accidentally included instructions to his interior decorator in with his research. He was refering to “The grey drapes”.
The official language of Mongolia is actually Lithuanian. What sounds like Mongolian to tourists and travellers is actually Lithuanian spoken with a Mongolian accent.
Princton University will admit any student who tatoos the words “Yale Sucks!” onto their forehead.
Recursive sentences typically contain elements that refer to themselves, this one however, does not.
Snail shells are the evolutionary vestiges of fingernails. They gradually changed over time when snails transitioned away from arborial locomotion.
Avocados and mangoes are the same species - they just produce different fruits in alternating generations - that is, if you plant an avocado stone, you get a mango tree, and vice versa.