Unfair: We Need Some New Words/Phrases

If you sneeze, people will say, “God bless you!” or “Gesundheit!”
It is just a blast of air through the nose, yet comment - in two languages no less!

But if you blast air out of any other part of your body, there is a lack of words and good wishes. That’s just unfair.

A good old belch or burp? Shouldn’t it have a good wish?
How about farts? Shouldn’t it have a wish as well?

My suggestions:

  1. Belch/Burp: “Chow Bellow”

  2. Fart: “Chow Below!”
    Give me some examples:

  3. Belch/Burp:

  4. Fart:

Oddly enough, I’ve recently begun extending “bless you” to all bodily eruptions. At least among family.

I insist that we replace “Bless you” and “Gesundheit” with “You sneezed!” or “Heard you sneeze!” Makes more sense and is just as necessary, which is to say, not at all.

I’ve always said “Ready for seconds?” after a burp/belch.

After a fart, just comment on the unusual “scent” of that air freshener.

My grandfather was an Englishman. He was too young for WWI & too old for WWII. So his main contribution to the war effort was to say “Heil Hitler” whenever he farted.

I don’t think it’ll catch on today, but the sentiment is timeless.

After a fart, one should yell: “Who fired that shot?”

“I concur”

After a fart: “Thank you, Senator.”

After a fart, I say “Bad dog!”*

However you must know that no sneeze has ever caused a roomful of people to stop talking and abruptly leave the room.
A real stinker is in a class of its own… :eek:
*this works best when there is a dog in the room. :wink:

The usual exchange in this house


Herself: That was disgusting

Himself: What? It slipped!

Herself: Hell no. It was PUSHED.

“You are SOOOO good lookin’”

(courtesy of Elaine on Seinfeld)