Until one of us dies, I guess.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

That’s how long my mom is going to keep telling me about the thing I did at my neice’s other grandparents’ house at Christmas 1974 when I was 4.

I was on the phone with her yesterday, and somehow we got onto the subject of photographs. She mentioned that she has a photo of me at my neice’s other grandparents’ house at Christmas 1974 when I was 4. “And that’s the time when you [did that thing].”

Oddly enough, I don’t even remember doing this thing. I doubt my neice’s other grandparents remember it, nor any of the other people who were there. My neice was 3, so she’s unlikely to remember it either. Hell, I don’t even remember being there, much less doing this thing. The only person keeping it alive is my mom. I have heard about it, and I have heard about it, and I have heard about it.

And I am sick of hearing about it.

Well, first I tried to apply the advice given by Miss Manners, by way of missbunny, in this post. “Mom? Why do you keep telling me about that, when I don’t even remember it, it’s not something I would want to remember, and I am tired of hearing about it?”

“Well, I think it’s funny.”

“Do you remember telling me about it the last time we talked? Which was four days ago?”

“It’s still funny.”

“…”

The thing is, it wouldn’t be so bad in and of itself, if I’d only had to hear about it a time or two. But I think she’s brought it up to me forty times or more since then. It’s the exact anecdote I was thinking of when I posted to the linked thread, the one that my mom thought Miss Manners was defending her telling of. That’s the first thing. The second is that I don’t have corresponding anecdotes to tell about other people, to take the heat off me. I have some cute anecdotes, but nothing that degrades others the way this anecdote degrades me. And third of all, why does she keep reminding me? What does she want me to do or say? What’s the purpose?!

I came this close to telling her to get a blog, so she can get her rocks off by telling it to random strangers on the net. But I didn’t, because I don’t know how many years I have left in her. And to be fair, I’m also aware that this may by this point just be an old-people thing: telling the same anecdote over and over. But she didn’t have that excuse in 1986, and she was gleefully telling it then.

Sigh. I can see it now. “Mrs. Rilch? Would you like to have a few moments alone with your mother?” [nurse closes curtain] “Oh, Rilchie…Do you remember when we were at your neice’s other grandparents’ house in 1974 when you were 4?..”

2

Rilch, your mum is getting old. And her memory is obviously fading. And it is the ‘bright things’ (like the memory of your antics when you were 4) that keep her mind alive.

I was just on the phone tonight to my mum (who is 81) with a memory like a sieve. We chewed the fat over the weather and the various health/sanity statuses of the family members, and then she asked me whether I had ever been stung by a bee. :confused:

And I told her the story of when I was three years old when I went bee chasin’ with my home-made bee trap, got stung, and went screaming into her workplace whingeing like a three-year old…the story that she had regaled ME with for all of my childhood/youth/early adulthood. She laughed like a maniac, as if she had never heard it before.

'Cos, as far as she’s concerned, she hasn’t.

Love your mum. At the end of it all, you’ll treasure the funny memories like these…if you still have a memory that is!! :stuck_out_tongue:

3

Yeah. My mom used to do the same sort of thing to me.

I just flat out told her I was sick of hearing about crap I did when I was that age. She gave me the ol’ “But it was so cute!!” so I repeated that I was sick of it and I wasn’t going to talk about it any more.

Next time on the phone with her: “Oh it was like when you were three and -”

<click>

She called me back. “We were cut off.”

“No, Ma, I hung up on you. I’m not talking about when I was three anymore.”

It’s been almost ten years since she’s brought it up again. To me, anyway. YMMV, of course, depending on your relationship with your mom. Good luck.

4

kambuckta, it’s not a ‘bright thing’, is the problem. It was something I did wrong, that I got punished for. I don’t think she’s bringing it up because she thinks it’s cute; I think she’s still holding it over my head, like there’s no statute of limitations. I’m sure she does think it’s funny, but in the nature of a Things Your Kid Did That You Could Have Strangled Them For thread.

It’s not like when my neice was informed that her shoes were on the wrong feet, crossed her ankles and proclaimed, “Now they’re not!” Or when one of my aunts stage-whispered that she thought my cousin was “J-E-A-L-O-U-S!” of his infant brother, and he proclaimed, “I know what that means! That means ‘handsome’!” There’s nothing inherently funny about it; she’s just twisting the knife.

Uvula, I’m glad that worked for you, but I don’t think hanging up on her would work. She’d just get my dad dragged into it, or maybe my sister, or both. I think, though, that next time I might go silent, and when she asks if I’m still there, I’ll say, “I’m sorry; I must have dozed off. My mind goes blank every time you tell that.”

5

My dad told me a story about helping his father castrate a pig once when my dad was 5 years old. My dad was supposed to hold done the pig, while my grandad castrated it, but my dad let go and the pig ran off. That was in 1934.

One Christmas in the late 80s when my grandad was still alive, I mentioned the story at dinner and my dad got this “oh crap” look on his face. My grandad then chewed out my dad about that pig like it happened earlier in the day. More than 50 years after it happened.

That’s when I knew my family lacked the gene to just drop a subject.

6

Ahhhh, so it’s a 4yr old BAD thing. You killed and disembowelled your baby sister?

What the hell could be so bad that YOU feel bad that your mum is still bringing it up after all these years?

I am confused here.

7

Anyone continuing to bring up old stuff like that, no matter what happened, is tiresome. Even when it’s family. Sorry that it looks like there’s no end in sight, Rilchiam.

8

All right; I didn’t want to get into it, but I suppose I’ll have to.

I said a Bad Word.

But it’s the context, the circumstances, the fact that I clearly knew what it meant and used it correctly in the sentence, and it did apply (depending on your point of view) and my neice’s other grandparents were so very very shocked and appalled, and an apology had to be extracted, and all the details of how it was extracted. And through it all, she’s never acknowledged one thing:

Where does she think I heard that word?!

But of course, that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I said it, and I didn’t know, when I was saying it, that it was bad and wrong and inappropriate. It certainly wasn’t her job to teach me any better; it was all. on. me. And as with madmonk’s dad, I will never get to live it down.

And I don’t have a baby sister. I am the baby sister. Which means I’m the bottom feeder in the embarrassing-story food chain.

9

Oh, bless your heart. :smiley: There was an ad on the telly here a while back, infamous for its use of the b-gg-r word. And kids everywhere were copying it, because the cute dog at the end of the ad said it (as well as the farmer at different times). I’ll bet there’s a horde of people out there with parents who have mental files labelled “When my kid said this.”

Still – I can appreciate you’d be sick and tired of hearing about it all these years. Kinda like parents who whip out the naked baby butt photos, I guess.

10

Wow. Just the other day my mom offered to take down a large pencil drawing of me and my brother as kids because I mentioned he’d taken a bit of good-natured ribbing about it from his friends. (He’s wearing a pyjama top that says “I know my colours” with various crayons on it. He was about six, I think.)

With every breath, I give thanks that my family just doesn’t do the drama thing.

11

Heh. I used to hear a lot about “the time you ran up to us in the park and asked at the top of your voice what ‘Fuck’ means.” Yay graffiti. I haven’t heard about that in a while and that was in the nature of cute things not bad things I did. I’m sorry your mother can’t let it go. Good luck finding a way to get her to drop it.

12

How’s about you repeatedly work the same bad word dozens of times into the coversation whenever mom brings it up. Especially fun at public venues when spoken in a loud clear voice.

13

Or, at the next family gathering when mom brings it up YET AGAIN, you could say, “Ya know, I always wondered why you got all upset when I said that word. It’s a word I heard all the time around the house from you and dad and it didn’t seem to bother you to say it at home.” Be sure to have an especially innocent look on your face while doing it.

14

Damn, I feel for you. I’m the baby sister, too, so I know exactly what it means to be at the bottom of the pile in the Embarrassing-Story Line.

My mom brings up crap like this all the time and it bugs the shit out of me. Sometimes it’s not really even relevant, but I think she does it just to embarass me. My own daughter is about to graduate from high school, and suddenly she (my mom) is telling stories about stuff I did in high school that is clearly meant to do nothing but embarrass (and hurt) me. Some of it I would swear is not even true or even about me.
There’s one in particular she keeps bringing up about something that happened one time when she called me my first year away at college - I’m not even going to repeat it here, because I would swear on my life it never happened - and she cackles with glee whenever she tells it. Even my sisters have told her to stop, when it clearly embarrasses me. She just doesn’t get it.

15

Have you actually tried to make her feel responsible, or did you just wait for her to admit it? Just say “yes, I wonder where I could have heard that word, and learned how to use it in context as a pre-schooler?”

My elderly relative loves to tell the story of how I got drunk at his house. He brings it up every time he sees me, no matter who else is around (my roomate got to hear about it this Thanksgiving). One day I’m probably going to snap from hearing it so often and point out that: 1. Giving a two year old alcohol is pretty dumb thing to do, even if they do ask for it, 2. I could have died and 3. He could have ended up in jail for child endangerment. Of course, it probably won’t do much good, but maybe the story will be retired for a few years.

16

At least once, maybe twice. She just shrugged it off.

My sympathies to all who have to deal with the same thing.

17

Oh, and booooooooo to your elderly relative! People really did used to think that was funny. :rolleyes:

18

Let me get this straight…

You’re 36, and you’re still embarrassed by something you said when you were four years old in 1974? And you’re pissed-off that your mum still brings it up to you? And you’re not a kid anymore?

I’m bemused. :rolleyes:

19

No, I’m not embarrassed about having said the Bad Word. I’m fed up with my mom making it into an epic story, as if no kid ever did such a thing before or afterwards, and with the way she dwells on it, as if it defines my life. And currently, with the fact that she brought it up twice in a week.

It happened. It’s not a big deal. But she insists on making it into a big deal, and one that reflects badly on me, and only on me.

20

I feel for you. When I was about 11 or 12, I caught my mom *making up * stories about me for neighbors and family. And this was not a nice story. She told them that I was torturing the dog while she was out of the house. She made sure to tell this story when she thought I wasn’t around. Needless to say I wasn’t happy and started crying. It turned into an ugly scene in which my mom was basically busted in front of friends and family so I have at least that much satisfaction. But in the 20 years since, I’ve always had the knowledge that my own mother would paint an image of her own son as an animal abuser just to have a story. And I also have to wonder what kind of stuff is out there that I don’t know about.