I realize that the title may imply that this is a rant, but it’s actually a humble request from my fellow oh-so-smart dopers.
In a nutshell, my narcissistic brother and his wife recently became parents (14 months ago). They live in another country from the rest of the fam, so we don’t see them on a regular basis. Messages we get have pictures attached and gush about my nephew.
My parents recently visited them and, apparently, it’s idiots on parade. They refuse to baby-proof their house (despite staircases, etc.) and both got quite rolly-eyed and annoyed when my parents told them they should have socket protectors and do something about the sharp edges that are on just about everything in their million dollar home. My parents were informed that the nanny watches my nephew, that they are not going to turn their house into a playland.
and a big
Needless to say, my parents did everything possible while they were there, including buying Mr. and Mrs. We Have Everything a baby gates for their goddamned staircases.
What the hell do you do in a situation like this? What do my parents do? My parents could give a rats ass about offending them. My brother and my parents’ relationship has been a wee bit strained as of late so part of me thinks that my brother is being passive aggressive and letting my parents think he is a worse parent than he really is. But still, he sounds like he royally sucks and that his home is a tragedy waiting to happen.
They have a nanny with three sets of eyes and fifteen pairs of hands to monitor the child every single second, do they? Does she ever pet-sit? 'Cause she’d be just the trick for taking care of our dogs.
I assume the baby’s not been terribly mobile for very long, if they’ve not had an accident yet. But when the nanny gets tired of 24/7 accident patrol and quits, they’ll learn. Probably the hard way, more’s the pity.
It might help to explain the difference between making small, not terribly visible modifications like outlet caps and gates on the stairs and turning the place into a playland. Tactfully, of course.
I can understand not wanting to redecorate your entire home to make it baby-friendly. I mean, their tastes and preferences didn’t change just because they had a baby. However, letting obvious dangers like open staircases and uncapped plugs go unremedied is just irresponsible.
Golly. I must hang out with the wrong people. They’ve got three kids (4,6 and 8) Their houses have never been childproofed and all the kids have all their fingers.
When the youngest was about 14 months old, she toddled over to something, mom said “Don’t do that” and even though the kid couldn’t talk, she stopped and moved on to something else.
I asked if they childproofed the kitchen any, like moving the cleaning stuff out of reach and they stated they hadn’t. That the kids were instructed that those weren’t their areas and that they shouldn’t be there.
I’m sorry, but there’s a HUGE industry designed to make you feel neurotic over raising your pups, I don’t buy it.
Check back on this issue with us in 6 months. And in a year.
I have 3 kids (ages 1, 3, and 5). I child proof somewhat. There are rediculous products on the market, just trying to sell things to paranoid parents.
But moving glass knick-nacks off low shelves and knives out of reach are just common sense things to do.
I agree children need to learn which things are off limits. But small children can’t understand, and need (by nature) to test limits. And when they are around a year they are often fully mobile with no sense at all.
Maybe you think your child understands not to go into that cabinet, but if a family heirloom is destroyed, it won’t be the baby’s fault for breaking it. It will be your for leaving it out where she can get to it.
Yeah, You have to childproof some…I mean, put the computer on top of the desk so they don’t hit the reset switch while your using it. Make sure the safetys on for all the guns in their room. If your really parinoid, don’t keep a round in the chamber, but I don’t think thats neccesary.
Be sure that you leave them some water in a bottle when you put em in the closet to go to work…that sort of thing. Just a little comon sense.
There really is nothing you are your parents can do about it…It is there house and there child. That’s the bottom line. Talk to them if you like, but unless you can change their mind all you can do is hold your breath till the kid is old enough to survive on its on
Many people have no dam idea how quickly a little one can get into serious trouble. Our first wandered out to see what daddy was doing in the garage, came back in and informed me that “The water in the little jar tastes terrible.” Paint thinner. I made HIM call the pediatrician to find out what to do about it and get yelled at. Fortunately she had only taken a tiny, tiny taste and there were no bad aftereffects. Our second (you would think I would have known better by then) stumbled into a rectangular table and put a nice triangular hole in her forehead. I was no more than 2 feet away and watching her at the time. Also fortunate that she hit her head, not her eye. Some careful, tiny stitches in the ER, and she only had the very faintest of scars that hardly shows now. I had been very careful about lots of things, like making sure all the dangerous things were out of reach, but had missed the table.
As far as suggestions, I am stumped. It may very well take an accident to teach the parents, but maybe they will get lucky. I surely hope so, for the child’s sake.
If they are not turning their whole house into a playground, is there at least a play room where junior’s toys are? Maybe he is not usually out in the areas where the valuable and dangerous breakables are? If not, maybe an appeal to their vanity. Suggest that it’s too bad they can’t afford a playroom for their kid?
I have to wholeheartedly agree. I would put up a babygate at any staircases and I popped in outlet protectors (which neither of my kids ever went near), I’ve raised 2 kids to be healthy adults (well, ones an adult and one’s a preteen) with a minimum of “babyproofing”.
What are you going to do? Pad everything in the house? If you are watching your children during the time they are up, then you will be well within reach to prevent mishaps until they get old enough to know that “ouch, that hurts”.
This is not to say that it’s just AOK to let them roam the house by themselves, but they’re not glass.
Are your brother and sister in law acting in a way that suggests that, other than refusing to go buy out Babys R us’ entire protection stock, they aren’t going to be careful normally protective parents?
You know, generations upon generations of us were raised without all that fancy smancy stuff and we did quite well.
(not meaning to sound snide, merely matter of fact. trust me, I’m old :D)
CanvasShoes, I agree with you, but I just want to comment about our generations doing quiet well.
We survived but what about the kids that werent in the same classroom as us? The ones that fell out of shoppping carts when they were babies, had glass bottles shatter and embed into their eyes? The reason we have many of these new protectors is because of the accidents that befell generations before now.
I hate to say this but it sounds a little bit like your brother and his wife think of their child as an accessory to their life to take out when needed to complete the ensemble. A real eye opener for them would be to get rid of the nanny and raise the child themselves. I kind of wonder if something serious did happen, would they blame the child?
My outlet protector was a stern NO! to littlecats when she got curious about electrical plugs, and the next time I saw her touching a socket, her fingers got smacked. If that makes me a bad parent, then call CPS.
I grew up in a non-childproofed home that had knives, guns, poisons, and (gasp) books-yet my activity was supervised. So far as I can tell, I’m still not dead.
Thank you for all your advice. To clear it up a bit – it is definitely a situation where they don’t have any babyproofing vs. having too little. Personally, I don’t think they are acting like careful parents, not out of negligence but out of stupidity; I think they are both idiots who think they have a small adult on their hands.
While I do think that childproofing has become an industry meant to feed off neurotic yuppies, there are certain situations in which having a toddler means you do more than merely supervise.
Of course supervision is the most important thing a caretaker can do. But some people have more luck than sense.
When one is trying to cook dinner or take a long-distance phone call, it’s kind of nice to have a babygate up or the poison out of reach. A stern “no” doesn’t do much good when a 14 month old darts over the edge of a steep staircase.
**Sat on Cookie, ** If absolutely no child-proofing at all is to be done, it would be interesting to see how long that nanny lasts.
I too grew up in a house with no childproofing. When my brother came along I was 9 and I got to be the childproofing for him. Yay me
Now I have a 2 year old and while I do agree that kids need to learn the value of the word no… I also think that the more stuff I can simply make off limits to her the better. It’s not like I want to spend all day only telling her ‘no’
So we have outlet covers and the breakable stuff is either way up high or locked behind glass and the lower kitchen cabinets are locked as well. I also have these very annoying covers on many of the high traffic door knobs and a bolt on our cellar door.
Paranoid? Maybe. Realistic? Yes. The little one normally follows us around like a puppy dog but she can also escape her room in the middle of the night. Do I want her escaping the house while we sleep? No! Sometimes I have to pee… or cook dinner… and she is FAST. Before we put the doorknob covers on she was merrily watching elmo while I made dinner. Turned to grab something off the counter and turned back to find her stepping out the front door!
Oh and the little locks for the tops of bifold closet doors are a godsend! The cats can’t pull the doors open anymore!!!
But you can’t browbeat someone into being a good parent. Hell I don’t even know if I am a good parent myself. I try but thats all I can do! I wish their little one luck.
I used to work for parents like this. I watched a toddler from before she could walk til the age of 3 and her parents were the most unresponsible people you’d ever meet. They moved into a new unfinished house and there was a HUGE HOLE for the stairs leading down to the basement with no banister on it yet! They let her toddle and trip around it without batting an eye. I had a near heart attack when i first saw it. I refused to let her play in the living room til it was fixed, even when i was there cause I know in a blink of an eye she could’ve tumbled down headfirst onto the concrete below. The dad who was fixing it up at a snails pace left his power tools PLUGGED IN and lying around the house. Jesus Fuck many a time I’d come over and find her alone in the basement fingering his POWERSAW!
That’s another thing, the left her alone incessantly. She was allowed, from the age of 1.5 to go into the UNFENCED backyard alone! Her mom would laugh as she said the wee one would disappear up the road and she’d have to go looking for her. I ended up having her spend most of her time at my cramped apartment which I filled with used toys and colouring books and such. I know they didn’t like it but too bad. Her safety and my sanity came first.
Picture a two-year-old literally surrounded by three adults (one of whom was her mother) standing around talking in our kitchen. Suddenly I looked down and the kid had my big carving knife, held point down, and was gnawing on the handle. (She had grabbed it from off the counter, next to the other clean dishes.) I never moved so fast in my life to grab it before she shifted her grip or dropped it. Fortunately it was a bit dull.
Even responsible parents miss stuff. I shudder to think what happens to the kids whose parents aren’t even looking.
I didn’t get socket protectors. I did move household cleaners out of reach. I didn’t dull ever sharp corner. I did put all the glass knick-knacks on the upper shelves. I didn’t put baby gates around dangerous areas (we didn’t have stairs), but I did get rid of our broken glass-topped coffee table.
I didn’t make our apartment a playland but I didn’t leave it a baby DMZ either.
