I think that you did him a favor, but he’s not likely to thank you for it anytime soon. He was living in a wonderful castle in the air, and you pointed out the lack of foundation. His dreams are, one hopes, crashing down now. They were such lovely dreams, too, that promised love (and probably sex) and money.
I think you did the right thing, but you’ll have to comfort yourself with that knowledge, 'cause the guy won’t thank you for saving his butt.
You forgot to say “Merry Christmas!”
One day, when he can get over it, you’ve got to show him 419eater.com. The two times I’ve read that site at work, I was laughing so hard I caused a disturbance. It would probably be therapeutic for him once he is ready.
I commend you for the extensive research you did about the specific elements of the scam he was involved in, and the long detailed letter you wrote. One would hope this will be more than sufficient to convince your neighbour (while a more general reference to the Nigerian scams might not have been sufficient).
You did the right thing, and IMO, the best you could possibly do, and very tactfully so (including thinking about the potential reaction of the real, live-in girlfriend).
No more of this, thanks.
You did the right thing.
Oddly in some of these scenarios many people are told point blank over and over by friends & acquaintances that they are being scammed … and they still persist in communicating and sending money. I’m thinking it’s got to be a borderline mental disease at play in some of these scenarios not just simple gullibility.
Good for you, choie.
Please let us know what comes of this, if anything.
I think you did the right thing.
The letter you wrote is excellent: it’s informative without being over-the-top in-depth, and you’ve given supporting materials if he wants to know more. If he doesn’t, then at least your letter covers the main points and will hopefully dissuade him from going further down this path.
I think you’ve done a very good thing.
I think you really went the extra mile for this guy.
Also, what Lynn said, unfortunately.
Take it from me - the people taken in by this kind of scam are NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU. I asked the board once if I should tell a library patron about it - I was kind of professionally torn because it’s none of my business to look at what he’s doing, I just happened to notice it. Anyway, I did tell him, and he was furious at me and didn’t speak to me for months. He got over it, though, and just a few weeks ago was asking me how to tell when a flight from Nigeria to Charlotte was getting in. Anybody want to place a bet on the chances he met anybody getting off that flight?
Thanks so much for the kind words and support, guys. (And a grateful nod to Marley23 for the cleanup on Aisle WTF.)
Ugh, Peanut Gallery, I know, the timing really sucks, holidaywise. I wanted to put off giving him this bad news the night before Christmas, but I felt time was of the essence–I was hoping to prevent him from taking any further steps down this mucky road.
I love 419eater too–over the years I’ve learned a lot about these scams through them. Actually, if my neighbor does decide to do any research on “Linda Lopez” he’ll end up at 419eater too – that’s where I discovered “her” history.
To Lynn and everyone who commented about the likely reaction … I think you’re absolutely right. I imagine he’ll feel a great deal of embarrassment and possibly resentment; I know I would. So yeah, if I were him, I’d do my damnedest to avoid anyone (even a ‘good samaritan’ who was trying to help) who knew about my stupidity. Of course, I’m really torn between thinking this guy’s an ass who’s sorta getting retribution for being a jerk–what’s he doing with this so-called ‘girlfriend’ when he’s actually living with someone?–and genuinely feeling pity for the guy for actually believing this absurd crap.
And it is remarkably absurd. I just … I just can’t fathom how one gets to be in your sixties, living in NYC, while still retaining that level of gullibility. Or maybe it’s greed. Or maybe he’s actually a bit dotty. How do you send off thousands of dollars without doing the slightest bit of due dilligence? It took no time to Google “southbank barristers” or “financial house bank” and discern that neither exist in London. And he does know about Google–he knows enough to have a Yahoo email account.
I’m also curious to know what the story is with his computer. He told me it wasn’t working, but… I dunno. Seems mighty coincidental that this happens in the middle of this correspondence. Maybe his live-in girlfriend didn’t like his online activities and forbade him from using their computer for these purposes. In which case I feel rather used at being part of this sleaziness. Then again, it’s my fault for not saying anything in the first place. Assertiveness IRL is not my strong suit.
Anyway, blah blah blah. I’ll let you all know if there are any reprecussions. I really appreciate the advice and encouragement, and am relieved that I don’t seem especially creepy for sending that treatise.
Edited to add: Zsofia, that’s depressing. But you did the right thing. I really really hope his question doesn’t mean he sent someone to Nigeria! I’ve read some very scary stories about abductions and muggings resulting from excursions due to these scams.
Excellent letter, choie, and you’re absolutely doing the right thing. Good on you!
As some of the other posters have said, don’t expect this gentleman to listen to you, or be grateful for your help if he does.
I have had to stop a couple of colleagues at previous jobs from getting involved in both Nigerian Scams and Russian Bride scams, and to the best of my job none of them sent any money overseas, but one or two of them were convinced that they were going to get $11.23 Millions United States Dollars from Dr. Mbutu of the Nigeria Oil Company Board and that I was either jealous of that or wanted to get the money for myself! :rolleyes:
It wasn’t until I showed them various Australian Government and other reputable websites about Nigerian Scams that they realised I was telling the truth, but they still weren’t happy about it- after all, they’d thought they were getting lots of Free Money™ and now they weren’t, and nobody likes disappointment.
I think you’re quite likely right on the computer thing. I’d bet he told his live-in girlfriend about this, or she saw some of the emails, and she either realized it was a scam and told him not to get involved or she at least had some suspicion about the whole thing. (Or worse, he doesn’t want her to know about his potential “windfall”.) For whatever reason, he probably doesn’t want her to know he’s pursuing it.
Can I suggest you direct your friend to www.scamwarners.com? This is a sister site to 419eater.com, but it specializes in helping and advising victims of these sorts of fraud.
Your friend will be able to read similar stories to his own (which may help him come to terms with the fact that he is being scammed - he’s probably in denial at the moment). He will be able to talk to experienced advisers who hopefully may be able to convince him not to send any more money and, when (and if) he finally comes to terms with the situation he could even post his story as a warning to others. This can all be done completely anonymously.
Unfortunately, as has been said above, some victims get so caught up in the scam and the lies that these slime spin that they cannot accept they are being scammed and eventually send everything they own to the scammers.
I hope your friend is not one of these.
You could also visit scamwarners.com, Choie, and seek their advise on anything else you could do to help - but remember that ultimately it is the victim’s choice - you cannot live their lives for them.
One more thing - you might want to warn your friend about recovery scams.
It is fairly common, one the victim realizes he has been scammed, for the con men to contact him/her again from another email address claiming to be able to help recover the stolen money - they often masquerade as the FBI or the Nigerian EFCC. Unsurprisingly, recovery of the funds requires the payment of fees for lawyers, etc. etc. And so the removal of the victim’s wealth continues.
Unfortunately, the reality of the situation is that the chance of recovering any of the cash sent to date is virtually nil. Sending more money will not improve those odds.
Thanks, George Fox! I just learned about that ‘recovery scam’ last night. Boy, these people are real scum, preying on their own victims to bleed them dry. Ugh.
Well, here’s an update. “Fred” came over today to explain that he received my packet but that I don’t understand his situation; you see, guys, his money is in a London bank (“Which bank?” I asked him. “Finance House Bank,” i.e. the one that doesn’t exist according to my research) and they require taxes and whatnot to get it out. He knows all about those scams but they don’t apply to him and his situation.
When I told him FHB doesn’t exist, he said “It does, I know someone who’s been there!” I asked who, and he claims it’s the sister of some guy down the block, this nice dentist he knows. I asked why they don’t have their own email addresses, using free yahoo.co.uk addresses instead, and he said, “Oh they do! Yahoo in the UK and Europe is different from the one here.” He also said that his own attorney (“Barrister Jonathan Goldring” from the original message posted above) has assured him that the money is there. Again I said, Goldring doesn’t exist, or if he does, he’s not really an attorney. Fred claimed that Goldring is in some Reuters directory. “You should check it out. I just wanted to let you know.”
After this I literally threw up my hands (well, I lifted them, anyway) and said: “Fred, I just don’t think this is true. But I sincerely hope you’re right. I’ve done what I could.”
And that’s how things stand. I know I’ve done as much as I feasibly can, so … why do I feel like crap?
(Edited to add) I wonder if part of my dissatisfaction is due to the fact that now I’m second-guessing my own research. Tell me guys, do you think there’s even a slight possibility that I’m wrong here? Not about the lottery, but the rest of it? I really don’t think so, but …?
Of course you’re not wrong. Money just doesn’t happen like that. He’s totally being scammed, and you feel horrible because he won’t see the light and you know he’s going to lose a ton of money. You keep thinking that if you can just say the right words, he’ll stop, so you feel responsible. But you’re not responsible. You’ve done the best you can, but if he is bent on giving money to scammers you can’t actually stop him. I think I would look into whether it’s possible to get someone from the FBI to talk to him directly, but I don’t know what else you can do, really. You done good.
I appreciate that, dangermom. You’re right, you’re totally right.
If you can believe it, he just came to my door asking to use my computer again! I said, “Not if it’s being used for what I think is a fraud. I’m sorry.” And he said “okay” and left. I feel nauseous, like I’m a bad person, just because I said no! (I really need to work on why that’s so difficult for me. But that’s a whole 'nother big pile of mundane and pointless, so 'nuff said!)
Of course the real issue is, how do you have the nerve to ask someone to use her computer if you know she’s against what you’re doing? Dayum, that’s ballsy. He can go to the library if he really insists on going down this hellish path.