Okay, not the middle of a scam, but the periphery – a very awkward position either way. Sorry in advance for the length…
I live in an apartment building. A neighbor on my floor, whom I know enough only to say ‘hi’ and ‘how are you’ to now and then, got into the elevator with me and after a little chatting, suddenly asked me if I had a computer. I said yes – I assumed he was gonna ask for recommendations for purchasing one. How wrong I was! He asked if he could come over and use it to send an email to his attorney, as his own PC was on the fritz and he really needed to send this ASAP since it related to an inheritence.
Being a sap who can’t say no, I said yes. He also mentioned that he had a girlfriend who was helping out in a foreign country with some legal matters, as his relatives were leaving him a significant fortune. I was all, hey, pretty sweet for this guy. Didn’t think much of it.
So later this guy, let’s call him Fred, came to my place and after I set him up with my computer, he happily started to type this email. Now the first thing I noticed was that he’d written a draft out by hand, which I thought was kinda cute (he’s an older gentleman, probably nearing 70 or older). He also had several faxes and Western Union receipts and so on. I still didn’t think much of it. I was off reading a magazine while he was typing.
At one point he had trouble because he accidentally deleted the message by hitting the wrong key, so I returned to the computer to help him out and was able to retrieve the text (CTRL-Z is a godsend). As I did, I glanced at the screen and saw that his email included the words LAGOS, NIGERIA and some lawyers’ names. Suddenly I was no longer ‘not thinking much of it.’ Red flags up the wazoo, y’know? I stared at it like an idjit for a little while and finally got up the courage to say:
“Um, Fred, I’m sorry and I don’t mean to pry, but I just noticed that you’re writing to Nigeria…?”
“Yes, that’s where my girlfriend lives now. She’s originally from Canada, she’s a lawyer.”
“Uh huh. Because … well, you know, there are a lot of scams that originate out of Nigeria. People pretend to be sending you huge sums of money and–”
“Oh I know, it’s terrible, isn’t it? No, this inheritence is from my aunt and uncle, they were Canadian and they moved to Nigeria and made a huge fortune there.”
I nodded and after a hesitation, went back to my magazine. After all, if this guy’s actual girlfriend is involved, and this inheritence was from his known Aunt and/or Uncle, it seemed less like a scam and more kosher. Maybe.
A few minutes later, Fred yet again screwed up the email message and deleted the text. Since this was taking a ridiculously long time and I was getting impatient to get back to my PC – and okay, to be honest by now I really really wanted a good look at this letter – I piped up and offered to type the letter for him. He was grateful and I took my seat as he dictated.
This is what his email said:
LL {this is the name of his girlfriend} I want you to say this was entirely your idea and your nickel when you speak to Jonathan Goldring (JG) in the AM. JG’s Tel: +44 701-XXX-XXXX. I also request that you e-mail JG @ southbankbarristerslondon@XXXXX.co.uk. Also e-mail Donald Travers @ donaldtravers@XXXX.com. Also e-mail me @ {Fred’s email}.
MTCN: 474-263-XXXX (MQ to LL) MTCN: (Amechi to PD)
LANRE ADEWALE PATRICK DANIELS
LAGOS NlGERIA LAGOS NlGERIA
(Q) What is pet’s name (Q) What is pet’s name
(A) {Fred’s pet name} (A) {Fred’s pet name}
You will be receiving $6,200 from Finance House Bank. You will be acting as my attorney. The money is to be spent as follows:
$2,000 to Mr. Nwoha Emmanuel. NE is the Reverand Peter Williams’ minion. So first you call Barrister Gideon Felton: +234-708-XXX-XXXX to ascertain the truth or not of my other $11.5 million inheritance. Follow-up with the Reverand Dr. Peter Williams: +234-803-XXX-XXXX. Next contact Stella Mohammed. SM works at Guinness Lagos Nigeria. I won the $50 million Guinness lottery in the spring. Take her for cocktails, and if she says we can still do it, give her the $1200 she needs. These are some of the factors that might bear on getting these funds out from both parties.
- Financial Services Act. On my $5.5 million - $950.
- Inland Revenue Tax. $5,500.
- Certificate of Origin and Document: $3,100.
- Patriot’s Act and Document: $8,000
- Bank Transfer Tax: $2,100
Now I cannot predict how much more or less of the $11.5 million might be required by these various agencies, nor can I predict how much of the $50 million Guinness Lottery might be similarly required.
Love,
Fred
BTW, these alleged lawyers’ email addresses are all yahoo / msn-type addresses. Really professional, y’know. Anyway, by the time he got to the ‘Guinness Lottery’ bullshit, of course, I knew this guy was clearly falling for the Nigerian 419 scam. Nevertheless I finished the letter, the whole time my mind churning with ways I could tell him what was going on that wouldn’t make him feel like an utter fool. When done, I turned to him and said:
“Fred, please excuse me, in all good conscience I must ask you – are you sure this is legit? This really doesn’t sound right.”
“I know, I’ve asked my girlfriend who’s going to meet with this Stella person and she’ll ascertain whether the whole thing’s legitimate.”
“And … you say this girlfriend is an attorney?”
“Yes, she’s really a quick thinker.”
“Do you …” (I tried to think of a tactful way to frame this…) “Do you know this girlfriend in person? I mean, you’ve met her and everything?”
“Sure, I met her here. She went to (name of respected law school in NYC), that’s where we met.”
At this point my mind was unable to come up with any non-obnoxious ways to get this guy to give me more details – remember, I barely know him – and finally he left, after having printed the letter out. He also showed me one of the faxes sent by this alleged barrister “Donald Travers,” with the letterhead from FINANCIAL HOUSE BANK (the logo of which looks whipped up in MS Works or Paint – not even Word!).
So now I’m sitting here, well aware that this guy has been sending money to these fuckers (the Western Union receipts made that clear), and he’s almost certainly lying to me about this ‘aunt/uncle’ thing (presumably because he doesn’t want to admit that he’s trying to get something for nothing) – and also about this ‘girlfriend’ (who’s probably not even a woman, but who’s flirting/seducing him via email in order to gain his trust). And this guy, judging from the email he just sent, is planning to send even more.
At this point I feel absolutely obligated to say something. I’m aware that this man is being defrauded, and I just feel sick about this knowledge. I can’t say nothing. But I don’t know what something to say. How in God’s name do I phrase this to him? I’m thinking of printing out information about 419 scams and giving the pages for him to read. How do I do this tactfully? Things will be pretty damn awkward if I tell him. And I keep thinking about that financier who committed suicide over the Madoff scandal … not that I seriously think Fred’s going to off himself because he fell for a notorious scam, but still.
YUCK. All this angst because I was a sap who couldn’t turn down the request of a neighbor. Any advice, people?