Well, he has to hurry back to his car - he left it parked in the fire lane.
You forgot how much he loves avatars.
False. I humbly request that you cite that he enjoys blue people, or else you should give me 1 million dollars.
Does anybody actually think Geller is appearing at the 2016 Conference For Consciousness And Human Evolution to perform a magic show?
In all seriousness I’d say his suggestion that his mindpower cured AIDS was crossing some lines.
I like how, in the next column, he compares his trials and tribulations to those of Simon Wiesenthal. :rolleyes:
Well, no. He’ll go on and on with some bullshit presentation–he’ll probably use Powerpoint and just read the slides. Like I said: No stage presence at all. 
What pisses me off is that I make some (minimal) effort to remain conscious at least 12 (okay, 8) hours per day and am a firm believer in, and have contributed to, human evolution, but I’m afraid that conference would cause me to violate the former. I use '70s Art Rock to lull me to sleep, and this won’t even have Rick Wakeman or Keith Emerson to drown out the lyrics.
Your kids are mutants?
Aren’t they all?
You should. He will stroke you gently in your mid section and then when no one is looking he will manipulate you in ways that will cause those around you to exclaim when they see what he has done.
In the end it comes to down to pragmatism. Steven Wright jokes that someone stole everything in his apartment and replaced it with an exact replica. Maybe someone did and maybe someone didn’t but in the end what difference does it make?
Let’s assume Uri Geller has a doppleganger named Gri Ueller, who conducts himself in exactly the same way as Uri Geller (never breaking character) and who actually is trying to get people to believe his powers are real and who doesn’t see himself merely as a performer.
If we think Gri Ueller is doing something wrong, then what difference does it make if Uri Geller’s conduct is indistinguishable from Gri Ueller’s conduct, and they can only be distinguished by internal motivation of which we have no evidence?
And when he’s done with you, you’ll be little more than a useless souvenir.
I don’t know why, but I found this both vaguely disturbing and utterly hilarious.
Strange. All I did was describe what Uri Geller does to spoons. I hope you aren’t insinuating anything? Surely not.
You mean–
HE’S A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER???!!! :eek::eek::eek:
I think I just threw up in my mouth, a little.