US Gripped in "Left Behind" Epidemic

The BBQ Pit
1

Today, a nation weeps. Or, at least, it should, if it knows what’s good for it.

I’m visiting relatives in VA for the weekend, to do some college visiting, but we didn’t have anything on the agenda for today. So, we took a trip out to the mall, and visited the local “Books a Million” store. Hey, don’t yell at me, I didn’t name it.

Anyway, upon entering the newest of mega-hyper-needlessly-large corporate book giants, I laid eyes on the biggest atrocity since the New Coke.

Sitting smack dab in the middle of the main aisle, between the “Children’s” and “Sexuality” sections (Hey, don’t yell at me, I didn’t design it), was a table, nay, and altar of left behind books. Featuring a big cardboard sign stating that I had reached the “Left Behind Station”, this monstrosity bore dozens of copies of every Left Behind book ever made. Joining the literary mistakes known as the LB series was a stack of copies of Left Behind movies. Everything was flouted in the face of decency by technicolor banners and fancy computer designs meant to portray the anguish that one goes through while reading the Left Behind series.

I practically broke down in tears right there. But, being the sado-masochist that I am, I ventured up to the table, and even managed to pick up one of the videos without being burned too badly. Upon reading, I was somewhat amused to discover that the plot summary mentions nothing about the Rapture: only that people start randomly dissapearing. In fact, the packaging was modeled more like a sequal to “Dune” than a movie with heavy, if crappily-delivered, religious overtones. My relief vanished, however, when I realized that this meant that some unsuspecting sci-fi fan might be suckered into actually buying this crap, taking it home, and exposing themselves and their loved ones to this crap.

Truly, the virus is spreading. What’s next? LB Video Games? Prime Time sitcoms about the Revelation? Rapture Breakfast Cereal (Now with more Bad Acting![sup]tm[/sup])?

I feel dirty just from being partially exposed. I can’t help but think what this means for the future.

2

Wow. That kind of sucks. The title was supposed to read “US Gripped in Left Behind Epidemic”, just so you know. Not really sure how that happened.

3

OK, I’ll bite (or call me confused), but what is Left Behind? Wacky religious tomes, or what? Freaky Sci-Fi? Please help the ignorant.

4

if you use the ‘preview’ option, anything you had in the thread title inside quotation marks disappears (much like the Rapture, I believe) or so I’ve heard.

E-mail a mod for the forum and they can help fix the thread title for you, so it reads more than “US” if you want.

On the OP, I guess I’ve led a very sheltered life, I’ve never heard of the LB stuff except for here.

5

BF:

The Left Behind books (and movies) have been kicked around in a number of threads. A few of the more notable ones:

I broke down and started reading the Left Behind series

The “Left Behind” movie - a priceless Dopefest opportunity?

A Movie That Might Change Your Life . . . and its sequel.

6

wring, you are one of the lucky ones.

7

Gotcha covered.

8

Well the books sell. If they didn’t they would be on the discount table at the grocery store.

I have read all the books, plan to read the next book. They stay fairly true to what many churches teach about the catching up or rapture of ** the church ** as is written about in (Revised Standard Version) 1 Thessalonians 4:16 - For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the archangel’s call, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first;
17 - then we who are alive, who are left, shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air; and so we shall always be with the Lord.
18 - Therefore comfort one another with these words.

I have not seen the movie at this point, but I may sometime in the future. I doubt anyone will be “tricked” into reading more than a few pages, once they figure out what is going on they will either take the book back for a refund or maybe be intrigued by it and keep reading. But I don’t think anyone will be harmed by reading the books, either you will believe or you won’t, it is still a free choice that each person makes for themselves.

9

A far as a pit rant goes, the OP scores lowly.

Bone up on sarcasm and mockery and get back with me…

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Nuts. Well, as a more or less inexperienced ranter, save one about Eminem and the grammies, I’m still getting the hang of things. Thanks for the feedback, and I’ll get back to you when I get the proverbial clue.

11

Aaahh. Clued in. Well, since KO commented on it, and this is the pit… Fargin’ bastiges!!! Sheet! guh-dam, get off your ass and jam, I say, Sheet!, guh-dam…
Sorry, got carried away…

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[Mel Brooks]

“Left Behind, the breakfast cereal! Left Behind, the toilet paper!! Left Behind, the flamethrower!”

[/Mel Brooks]

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They already have the toilet paper-whatta ya think the books are?

14

Tonight on “You Asked For It,” a poster named Krispy Original requested a Pit-worthy rant on the Left Behind.

If, during the Rapture, the LB’s get taken up to heaven bodily, does that include the contents of their lower intestines? What about the LB’s who would be in the process of evacuating their bowels during the Rapture? Are they allowed to quick pinch it off, or do they go to greet their savior with their pants around their ankles and a stool protruding?

If you ask a devout Christian this question, they assume your’re being insulting (an I am, but only partly). The physical logistics of this isn’t adequately answered, and addressed not at all by a devotee who assumes it to be no more than a rude question.

If the LB were all to drop dead with their souls in Gods’ care, I’d accept that scenario. But it’s the Assumption of the Flesh that bugs me. What if an LB and I ate the same undercooked pork and got eyeworms, or If I were to shake hands with an LB right before the Rapture and transfer bateria. Why do the germs I contracted have to suffer for my sins, but those on the LB get a ticket to Heaven?

But that’s too (a) complicated and (b) offensively challenging for you Saved simpletons. I understand, though: life in general was too complicated and offensively challenging in the first place, thus your silly, smug belief in fairy tales like the Rapture.

This will go way over your LB heads, but aren’t the vast majority of you LB Protestant - meaning you believe that the just will live by faith - not by relics such as scraps of the Baby Jesus’s diaper or splinters of the true cross? But with this “full-body rapture” you are turning yourselves into holy relics - superior to the dust of Genesis that was good enough for all the rightous souls before you to inhabit. This is no less self-idolitry than the sinners you shun who live only for the pleasures of their flesh.

“Warning - In case of Rapture driver will disappear.” What really scares me is that you’re allowed to drive and vote and sit on juries during the time you’re down here!

15

Not to poop on a wonderful rant, but the “Left Behinds” are the people who dont get the express lift to the big Guy upstairs.

Just wanted to point that out.

16

I know - sorry for not making that clear. I meant “LB” as in “believe in the concept of LB” Sort of like “Homosexual Damnation” means not the gays but rather those who believe in its doctrine.

17

Well, one good thing I can say about the LB phenomenon is that the books have weaned millions of slack-jawed yokels away from watching tractor pulls on ESPN and Jan Crouch, the demented Pomeranian lady on TBN and has actually got them reading books. Not very good books, admittedly, but starting a Fundie on the road to literacy can only be a good thing. Next thing you know, the Fundies will start going to libraries and bookstores and be exposed to opposing points of view contained in other books. They might actually start reading Stephen Jay Gould instead of quoting him out of context to support creationism. Of course, the more likely upshot is that the Fundies will demand that books on science be burned, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take.

18

Ouch. And ouch. And ouch again. Some of you are making generalized potshots that are just… mean. I’m Christian, I like the LB series and I can’t imagine anything that I have done anything to you as a Christian or a LB reader that would deserve some of these comments!

19

Now,now. nobody here is picking on Heloise, who I’m sure is a lovely person. Nobody here is picking on Christianity. The
LB series richly deserves to be teased because, well, they’re not very good books, and still they are being devoured by the thumpheaded masses who up til now have never read anything more complex than TV Guide. It’s a shame, really, that the LB series is so badly written because the basic premise of the Revelation of John being fulfilled could be a really exciting series of books in the hands of a skillful SF writer.

What I find annoying about the Christians who read these books is that they a)forget this is fiction and think that Rayford, Hattie, Chaim, and Nicolae Carpathia really exist, and, more seriously, the Christians focus on eschatology and totally ignore their daily Christian duty. I have met any number of Christians who talk about the devil and the LB series and the imminence of the Rapture, but they do not practice charity or kindness in their daily lives. I see no point in getting het up over possible future events, while disobeying God in the here and now.

Really, I see no difference between God and Satan in the LB books. LaHay and Jenkins don’t show that that God is good or loving, just that He is powerful. Really, the Tribulation Force and the Global Community are just two opposing sides fighting over territory.

If the books are meant to be entertaining fiction, they fail . If they are meant to evangelize the heathen, they fail on that count, also.

20

I was visiting several friends this weekend, and I discovered our host (a rather rabid atheist) had the LB series on his bookshelf. A few thoughts that arose out of the conversation:

  1. In disagreement with you, goboy, if you changed the name of Satan to S.P.E.C.T.R.E. and God to “M”, some of the books would make halfway decent Bond short stories;

  2. As for the Rapture itself, I realized that I, as a NYC lawyer who doesn’t own a car and never watches television news, it would be days before I noticed anything had happened. :slight_smile:

Sua