do you know of an authoritative reference that says this kind of thing is not okay? The grinned part, not the who part.
“I know who you like,” Suzie grinned.
It depends on what you mean by “authoritative.” Most guides for beginning writers stress that you should avoid using words other than “said.” See, for instance, the Turkey City Lexicon.. I can’t seem to find my copy of Strunk and White, but I believe they say the same thing.
But like all “rules” of English, these can be broken. The real key is that you don’t overuse other words, or strain to avoid the use of “said.” “Said” is indeed an invisible word (I discovered this when I read Raymond Carver aloud: I never noticed that he ended each line with “he said”), and if you use others indiscriminately they begin to distract from the story.
Nothing wrong with this, just as long as you don’t try to do it with every line.
At my paper, “said” is the operative word. My reporters are trained to know as Chuck said that “said” is an invisible word. Anything else can interfere with what is being said. By adding “Tom Swifties” (verbs or adverds used to attempt to create a special meaning), you can actually hurt what is being communicated.
Jerry Hiliard, the journalism sequence director at East Tenessee State University, and Randy Hines, the chairman of the mass communications department at the University of North Carlina, recently combined in an article on just this topic (use of words like “grinned” for said).
Here are the opening paragraphs:
"Consider this quote and attribution. ‘This is the most embarrassing moment of my life,’ she blushed.
"The woman has our sympathy, but the person who wrote about her plight is the one who really should be blushing.
"Obviously, people can’t ‘blush’ statements. Neither can they grin, brag, giggle, hint, pant, laugh, or sneer statements. But some writers insist on trying to make them to the impossible.
“The fact that our embarrassed young woman was red-faced is, of course, a pertinent part of the moment’s description. All the writer needed to do was to rephrase the sentence slightly so that it read: ‘This is the most embarrassing moment of my life,’ she said blushing.”
There is no web site listed with the article, but they do provide a phone number for those with questions. (910) 521-6616. I am sure they would be more than willing to e-mail you a copy of the article or related information. If you would like me to, I could try to e-mail you a copy of my copy of the article. However, I am not betting on the reproduction. Our scanner has been a little questionable of late.
Quite probably what you are writing will determine what verb you choose to communicate the action of communication. Journalism will use “said” far more than anything else. Poetry will range far more afield. Most editors of fiction and nonfiction, in my experience, tend to prefer “said” to anything else but they can be a little bit more tolerant of the writer in regard to this than the print media.
TV
If you find that you are overworking “said,” you can always switch to “stated.” Or “According to John Doe,” or use “averred,” “maintained,” etc. There are a lot of synonyms. I tend to switch from “said” to “stated” and leave it at that.
intoned
shrieked
screamed
exclaimed
offered
declared
yelled
threatened
And other forms, I suppose (Charlie’s threat, “I’ll get you know!” foretold the ensuing war. Such impudence caused Frederick to declare, “First, we hang all the Charlietans!”), or some such.
Can you tell I don’t write successful fiction?
If used sparingly, some substitutes are fun for the sake of color:
“We are so glad that you could come,” he lied.
One that’s used less since the sexual revolution:
“That’s just wonderful, truly wonderful,” he ejaculated.
There was a sequence in Stuart Little where about 7 different ways of saying “said” was used. Apparently the characters got involved in a shouting match.
it is important to note the difference between journalistic writing and “creative” writing. If you were writing an article for a newspaper, then you should use “said” to keep it simple, straightforward, and matter-of-factly. On the other hand, if writing a novel/short story/poem/etc then it would be repetitive to use the word “said” every single time, and despite what the journalist said, a person CAN “hint” something, scream something, blush something, exclaim something, etc. It is not incorrect grammar, and it makes perfect sense to the reader (well, as long as you use reasonable verbs).
As a side note, the word “ejaculated” used to be a common replacement for “said” - however with the advent of Beavis and Butthead, you don’t hear that one much. And it’s hard not to giggle when you do 
Instead of saying:
“I know who you like,” Suzie grinned.
You could say:
Well, you could if you are on this board. . .
Other sexier options include:
Suzie is all “I know who you like.”
Suzie was like, “I know who you like.”
Suzie goes “I know who you like.”
Although these imply more than merely “said.”
You are writing young adult fiction, right?
-fh
Kalt, I was discussing creative writing. There is nothing boring about using “said” – no one notices it. Check out any work published in the last twenty years – you see that verbs other than “said” are used sparingly, or (like in the case of Stuart Little) the overuse of other verbs is for a humorous effect.
Another issue with using other speech tags is the fact that other words are often redundant:
“I’m going to kill you,” he threatened.
“Aaaargh,” she screamed.
“Oh, my God!” she exclaimed.
There is rarely any need for other verbs. In fiction, you don’t have to add a speech tag (as these are called) to every line in a conversation). For instance:
Only one “said” in that. Now look at the speech tag version:
I’ve exaggerated for effect, but I think you’ll see that the first example reads better. Now look at “said” only:
Not as good as the first, but it still reads OK.
As far as using adverbs – “she said fearfully” – the problem is that by the time the reader gets to the adverb, they’ve already read the sentence and deduced the feeling from the words. For example:
“I hate you!” she said angrily.
As a writer, you should be able to indicate the feeling by the words the character says and not depend on a speech tag to make it clear.
The best rule of thumb (especially for a beginning writer) is not to worry about the use of “said,” and never strain to find other options.
All I ever learned about the plethora of “said” verbs in the English came from the Hardy Boys books…You haven’t lived until you’ve seen someone “chime in.”
You can review a collection of egregious Tom Swifties (or is that redundant?) at http://wordsmith.org/board/showthreaded.pl?Cat=&Board=miscellany&Number=19605
Perhaps you can add to the pile.
This reminds me of what Stephen King said in “On Writing”. He said that when you are writing, stay away from the adverbs, (happily, angrily, etc). He said that if a piece is well written, the reader won’t need to be told how they said it, the reader will just know.
Larry McMurty rarely uses any other word than “said”, but he does such a fine job writing that you can imagine all of the heated or emotional exchanged without being told that “Jake sneered” or “Call said angrily” etc.
Just make sure that if you have your villian “hiss” something, you include a sibilant.
"You bounder!" he hissed. is right out.
And don’t forget Ring Lardner’s brilliant **“Shut up,” he explained.
This, of course, is dependent on who your editor is.
My book was returned to me with the words “This is maddening!” because on many ocassions I do not use speech tags. I just assume that a reader with half a brain would understand that the speaker changes with every return carried line and if there’s only two people in the scene, it takes about a minute to figure it out. Besides, as a ‘creative type’ I get tired writing “I say” and “He says”:
The editor claims I need a speech tag after every line of dialogue in that scene. I disagree. POETIC LICENSE.
jarbaby
The editor is dead wrong. There’s no need for speech tags on every sentence.
I would say, however, that the paragraphs need to be grouped better. You connect one character’s words with the other’s actions, which makes it confusing. Also, there are other small changes that need to be made in the format. Try this:
hmmm…wanna edit my book?
jarbaby
I also posed my question to MLA, he chirped linguistically. Here is their reply, he continued redundantly.
A number of writing guides recommend that dialogue be presented through verbs of saying rather than through verbs that describe other kinds of action.
Probably the most authoritative discussion of this point appears in the second edition (1965) of A Dictionary of Modern English Usage, by H. W. Fowler (p. 302). Fowler notes that the reader cares about what was said, not about the “frame” in which the quotation appears. The frame should not call attention to itself. Fowler also argues that repeating “he said” and “she replied” is less tiresome to the reader than constantly varying these functional words.
Roy H. Copperud makes similar arguments in American Usage and Style: The Consensus (1980; p. 36), citing Fowler and The ABC of Style, by Rudolf Flesch. Copperud points out that words cannot logically be formed by smiling, frowning, and so on. Therefore, instead of “‘I know who you like,’ Suzie grinned,” it would be better to write, “‘I know who you like,’ Suzie said, grinning,” according to these sources.
Fowler’s second edition and Copperud’s book are out of print, but they may be available in libraries.
Sincerely yours,
Eric Wirth
Assistant Editor
Modern Language Association
To which I replied, ‘you da man,’ semiliterately.
I also wanted to point out, strunkly and whitely that E. B. White, co-author of the definitive style guide for modern writing, is also the author of Stuart Little, he tattooed needlingly.
You couldn’t afford me.
Seriously, just make sure that, in any paragraph, that any action or thought is done by the person who is talking.