If you’re sending me a spreadsheet, take the extra two fucking seconds to make sure it’ll print out properly. Check your margins. Check your print area. It’s not that fucking difficult. Christ.
Ooh, can I add one?
If you’re going to send me a fucking CSV file, send me a fucking CSV file. Don’t send me a DAT file and expect me to have to import the monster into Access and save it as a CSV file. Oh, and it helps if you tell me what the fucking fields mean instead of expecting me to guess.
Yeah! And if you’re uploading a CSV file into my CSV-file-reading application, don’t send it the CSV file that you edited in Excel and accidentally saved in Excel format instead! That fucks it up and bloats the goddam error log.
Dickhead.
Yeah! And if you’re uploading a CSV file into my CSV-file-reading application, don’t send it the CSV file that you edited in Excel and accidentally saved in Excel format instead! That fucks it up and bloats the goddam error log.
Dickhead.
And let’s not forget the new coversheets for the RTS reports, mmmm-kay? That’d be great, yeah, thanks.
Yes! First Office Space reference. Better than a post party!
Memo to client: if you want me to calculate how much your customers are paying on average, it helps if you tell me how many bloody customers you have. That’s the thing with averages, see?
But Crusoe, we just want to know what ONE customer is paying on average, not all of them!
(Ducks/runs)
I’m not sure what you do for a living, Macro Man, but when we receive spreadsheets (usually from clients), they’re not always meant to be printed. Sometimes they’re just meant to be viewed, manipulated and/or updated.
When someone has trouble printing a spreadsheet, I don’t get ticked because the person who created didn’t spend the time to make it printer friendly. I just do what I can to get it all on one page, if possible. When I’m done, I usually walk way mumbling something to the affect that this is so not my job.
This isn’t meant mean spirited, just a different point of view.
When I phone for clarification, and ask a very simple question do make sure that you give me the right answer, and not the wrong one. If you’re not sure, please ask someone, and call me back.
WhyIoughtta…
I thought of one more, based on an email I just received.
If you seriously use the phrase “certification awareness diagnostic” in an email when attempting to make something easy to understand I am legally entitled to kill you and take all of your stuff.
‘Certification awareness diagnostic’ ?! I think you should share the rest of that so-called communication with us, Crusoe.
If there isn’t already a web-site where office peons can anonymously post such brainless accidental cryptography for public ridicule, then someone should really create one. It’d be for the sole purpose of amusing one’s peers - maybe there could be weekly votes on the most obscure, etc.
There was an excellent thread here a while back about corporate gibberish. This particular gem came in an unsolicited email (I work for the kind of firm where we’re emailed regulatory updates) about a piece of legislation I hadn’t even heard of. It took me a good half-hour to find out what the hell it was about, and that was before I even tried to understand what the email sender wanted me to do.
ahhh…TPS
oh oh me! my turn:
Why exactly are you printing your excel spread sheets when ALL any of us need are the bloody graphs!?
I don’t want to look at row after row of unlabled numbers and try to figure out what is raw data and what is the computed protein value…
How about…
If you’re going to make up bulleted slide for a PowerPoint presentation for me to add formatting to, USE THE CANNED SLIDE FORMATS! Don’t just add fucking textboxes wherever, because when I go to change the formatting all at once, it doesn’t take with your stupid-ass added-on text boxes! Fuckers!
Uhhhh … administrative assistants?
HTML e-mail … with four or five different typefaces, colored blue and pink … and a background of interlocking teddybears. Not really appropriate for a memo to the town’s elected officials regarding upcoming public meetings, okay? Save it for the glurge you e-mail to all your Bible study pals.
Just because you can put little blinky lights around a word to highlight it doesn’t mean you should.
Damn
:smack:
One from the days when I was associated with a help desk (they passed the hard questions about Access on to me):
If it takes you more than 5 minutes to ask the question, it’s not a question, it’s a project.
Someone called up the help desk my company ran saying he had a “question about Access.” What he wanted me to do was build him a custom database on my lunchbreaks at no cost to him or his employer (my employer’s client). Sheesh!!
CJ