Useless consumer products

I bought one of the “as seen on TV” personal trimmers as a mustache trimmer a while back because I thought the design was better than any I’d seen (nice grip, well-positioned LED light).

It IS nicely designed, on paper. In reality, the mechanical and electronic elements are so poor that it barely functions. Boo.

Oh my god. I love you.

I love the blogger more, but seriously - I need a new keyboard after the Chia seeds bit. Thank you. It had been a rough Monday.

I remember actually buying something like that in the early 2000’s. My daughter’s preschool required parents to bring in snacks on a rotating basis. They required that the drink be 100% juice (as opposed to “juices” that had added sugar in them.) Once of the things that fit the bill and must have been fairly inexpensive was shelf stable juice concentrate that came in cans that looked like pop cans. I don’t remember OJ being an option…I think I always bought apple juice. Was it good? I can’t remember. It was easier to bring than the frozen kind and cheaper than the bottled stuff.

Frozen monkey bread? Fridge biscuits? :confused:

Monkey bread is made with fridge biscuits. (AKA whomp biscuits for how you peel the label off then whomp them against the edge of the counter to pop the can open)

It’s so easy to make that having a ready-made frozen version is like selling pre-peeled bananas as a convenience item.

The Ab Rocker. (Yes I had one.) Apparently they’re less efficient than just doing normal crunches.

The item that always baffles me a little is the hard plastic container for a banana. E.g.

I’ve heard that they’re somewhat popular, but my lunch bag has never been suscepted to banana-rupturing forces (let alone on a regular basis).

But what if you want to carry a banana in the front pocket of your skinny jeans?
The thing is a godsend I tells ya.

Plus, bananas come in varying sizes and degrees of curvature. How could you guarantee that every banana is going to fit in that case? (Plus, it’s dumb.)

That’s what SHE said!

See your banana guard and raise with a banana slicer.

I’m always amazed by all the incredibly stupid stuff they try and sell on kid’s channels. The only thing I can think of is that these products are aimed at clueless adults who seem to have forgotten what it was like to be a kid.

My mom bought my 14 year old sister a pseudo guitar (operated by around 5 keys) that was also an MP3 player, the schtick being that you could pretend to rock out with your favorite tunes. However, when you played the notes on the “guitar”, the music stopped. :smack::smack::smack: Now, I’m not sure if my sister would have liked it had it worked as implied, but as it was it was a massive fail. If it had worked as advertised, I might have wanted one!

I have two Bananaguards in my bag right now. I cycle to work, carrying lunch and a change of clothes in a rucksack, and let me tell you, a naked banana under those conditions is not a pretty sight by the time I get to work. I think they’re great, and they work exactly as advertised but obviously you’re not in the target market!

(And gallows fodder - sure, not every banana fits, but I’d say at least 80% do. The giant ones sometimes don’t, but for moderately sized bananas, they’ll mostly fit in regardless of curvature, because the guard has a straight section and a curve at one end. Straighter bananas fit at one end, very curvy ones at the other, and moderately curvy ones fit somewhere in the middle. It’s actually quite a clever design.)

I won’t go that far, but I have added it to my RSS feed. :slight_smile:

Not a useless product, but a useless container: Pickle relish in a squeeze bottle. It’s a very efficient way to get your buns wet.

Read the FAQ:

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

Has Kirk Cameron heard of this product?

I am so with you on this but the fact is, they are very popular. I received one for my baby shower, used it once or twice and gave it away. While I didn’t use grocery bags, I purchased quart and eventually gallon bags from the dollar store and used those. Quick, easy and about the same price as the diaper genie refills.

That reminds me of a mini piano/synthesizer my parents bought me, it was decent looking but if you held down 2 or more keys at a time, only one not played. Not so good for learning piano chords.