Probably most people just toss them. But somehow it seems wasteful to throw away perfectly functional candles after they’ve burned for one minute. But you can’t really use them on another cake since they’re not pristine anymore. And your average cake candle will only stay lit for about 5-6 minutes (I checked) so they aren’t useful for most other times you’d want a candle flame. Does anyone know a worthwhile use for these orphan candles?
I’ve never had any problem with candles being used on more than one cake. Light them in the kitchen, out of sight of the spoiled little birthday brat who demands fresh candles, and no one will ever know.
Melt them down and make a new candle overlord?
Ear Pickers?
Her Excellency Ms. Ellen Margrethe Loj
Chairman
Counter Terrorism Committee
United Nations Security Council
First Avenue at 46th Street
New York, NY 10017
Dear Your Excellency/Madam Chairman/Ms. Loj/Ellen/Cookie Face:
By order of the Baron Anathemax von Dread and the Directorate of Fear™, you are instructed to immediately inform your committee of the following facts.
These facts are already known to you:
-
Each year, billions of you worthless wretches fecklessly celebrate your birthdays.
-
Most will employ a cake or other sweet pastry in the festivities.
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Many of these, particularly in the decadent West, will adorn their miserable confections with candles commemorating the number of their worthless years of existence.
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These candles, in most instances, are hardly singed before being snuffed, their considerable (in the aggregate) potential energy wasted in the rush to cram the celebrants’ maws with sugary, tooth-destroying empty calories (God, you people disgust me. I mean, if you just thought about it for half a minute – your eating habits aren’t the half of it, just look at reality TV and how your kids are dressed – you’d want to run out and head up an organization dedicated to enslaving or destroying the lot of you, too. But don’t even think about it. I was first).
These facts you are learning here for the first time: -
All the used candles, which you’d imagine were wasted if you ever stopped to think about them, which you don’t, have not been. Wasted, I mean. Instead, they have been painstakingly collected, cleansed of residual frosting (and another thing: brown frosting? Gray frosting? I mean, seriously, what is up with you clowns?) and assembled in a secret location you cannot reach or even detect. This process has been continuing for decades, predating even the conception of the Directorate of Fear™ itself. Seems like somebody’s grand-dad had a kind of fetish or something.
-
These trillions of candles, each containing energy in the amount of one candela, or about 18.4 milliwatts/second, have been expertly fashioned into an explosive device with an estimated yield of approximately ten kilotons. The Many-Tiny-Candles-Bomb is catastrophically destructive, foolproof, and under my control.
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If all the nations of the world do not immediately declare their capitulation and readiness to obey all future instructions (we’re looking at you, Lichtenstein), the Many-Tiny-Candles-Bomb will be detonated and a significant percentage of a large city’s birthdays will not be celebrated next year. Get it? They’ll be dead! Ha! You may announce the planet’s surrender on all available radio and broadcast television channels, leaving the cable networks’ programming alone so as not to cause mass panic.
-
Any attempt to circumvent or attack us will invite instant retaliation. So will attempting to find the device or evacuate any population centers, because, honest, I am not moving this thing again.
Sincerely,
Baron Anathemax von Dread,
Supreme Leader
Directorate of Fear™
::applause::
I forgot the real answer.
Make a paper pinwheel, pin it to a straw and attach it to a base. You can use a candle or candles to create an updraft and make it spin. Kids of a certain age love it.
Let me put it this way: do you know how many candles the dog can eat before he starts walking funny?
King of Soup, I may have to marry you at some point. Are you always brilliant?
We reuse ours. I didn’t know it wasn’t Emily Post-etiquette not to. 
Don’t forget the adults of a certain mindset.
The “certain age” to which I was referring was 40.
Stick 'em in your urethra?
Why? Because you can!
Here’s what we did when I was 12 or so. A small hot-air balloon! Take about 20 barely used birthday candles, which have a high fire-per-ounce ratio, and tape them together at the middle of a big X made of taped-together hibachi sticks, which you tape to the open end of a dry-cleaner’s bag. (Remember to close up the hole where the hangers were.)
You can give the balloon a quick start with a hair dryer, then light all the candles with a butane lighter. The whole thing will slowly rise up and drift out of sight. As far as I know, we didn’t burn down anyone’s house. :eek: We may have caused some UFO sightings, though.