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Transgender people, including transsexual, genderqueer, and other folks, deal with issues of gender identity and expression.
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I agree that people often misunderstand this. Gender identity and sexual identity are two different things. I know a transgender woman who is in a relationship with a cis woman. “Tranny” is often used in a sexual context. In the fetish world, I identify as a “sub”, a “pet”, or a “bottom”, but it would be super weird if someone called me a “dirty pet” at work. I might say “you’re a hot tranny” to someone in that environment, but it would certainly be odd to say that to them at the office. Of course, most people aren’t involved in the fetish world, so sexualizing them with the word “tranny” would obviously be offensive in any setting.
I’ve had this discussion a lot in the special needs world. Person first language is a big deal for many, so big in fact that it has been given a life of its own. I’m not going to sit and stir the shit pot for hours over whether someone should say “my autistic son” or " my son with autism". Take the term “retard” for instance. If someone directly calls my son a “retard”, it’s pretty clear to anyone within earshot who the real retard is. But the term used in a different context is meant to be funny. I just don’t think it’s a big deal in the right environment with the right intent.
Any word or phrase, when used to harm, is bad. It’s all about intent. Language has power, but only as much as we give it. Generally, when someone says things that are openly offensive and meant to harm, I consider the source and act accordingly.