Valid excuse for infidelity?

Sorry I have lousy fidelity, but my cats attacked the speakers. It wasn’t pretty.

I didn’t read the whole thread. If somebody made that joke already, then :smack:

Such good advice already given in this thread. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, RedBloom. I have little to contribute except for something I came across recently that gave me an interesting shift in perspective: think of ‘charming’ as not an adjective but as a verb. In other words, think of what a snake charmer does. It’s not an inherent trait but a deliberate series of actions to produce a desired result.

Real life is messy. It would be easy to say what you ‘should’ do, but only you can look at the totality of your life and make the decision that is right for you. I would only add another buzzphrase: when a person shows you who he is, you should believe him. Look at the actions, not the words. What picture do they paint? Is that something that you can live with forever? Are your needs being filled and can you picture leading a solid, safe, fulfilling life with your husband, exactly as you now understand him to be?

Good luck to you, whatever you decide!

I am going to respond without reading any replies. No, there is never an excuse for infidelity, emotional or otherwise. If two people involved re-negotiate the terms or the relationship such that they are allowed to pursue other people emotionally, physically, or both, that is IMO not infidelity.

You’re safe. The rest of us have been too busy offering actual advice and support to someone clearly in emotional distress.

You need to change therapists.

The man I loved and was going to marry decided to cheat on me with my friend. He was contrite, and I forgave him. I was 22 and he was my first love. We stayed together for a whole week and then he dumped me. A month later, he asked me to take him back. Like a fool, I did. I found out he was still sleeping with her, and I broke it off completely. Severed it. He was out of my life.

He was devastated by my leaving him, but he never changed his ways, his friends and later acquaintances told me. With my now ex-friend, whom he later married, they had an open arrangement where they were free to sleep with whomever. Well, I know that he did, according to a very good male friend I still talk to about my ex-fiancé. He had lots of fringe benefits. 20 years later, my ex-fiancé and ex-friend are now divorced.

I sometimes feel very lucky I didn’t end up marrying him. And I have no intentions of looking him up, either. I found a great guy and we have been together 25 yrs.

To the OP, protect your heart from your husband. He won’t do it for you.