The husband was busted (again) for partaking in online affairs. (discovered on the credit card bill - Ashley Madison was the culprit). Then of course I found some emails, etc… All physical contact was denied, and (to my knowledge) the transgressions only took place via email/text… I have chosen to believe this since there is no evidence at all of a physical affair.
Anyway, of course after being discovered (back in November) he has been seeing a therapist a couple of times a month now to find out what is going on with him. He pleads for me to stay and showers me with his undying love and affection, stating that he only did it because he is “broken” and was being egotistical by seeking out the affirmation and approval of other women. Hence, his alibi.
His father left him at age 9, apparently leaving a big hole in his heart and his life. His mother stayed angry for years, hating the father immensely and even having him change his last name to her maiden name out of spite for the father. His father went on to re-marry and have his own “new” family… which broke my husband’s heart even more. They are no longer in contact, and have not been for some time.
While I feel deep hurt and compassion for him for what he went through as a child - is that a VALID reason for this betrayal of me? Can I feel compassion and anger at the same time? I am wavering between the two extremes and I am so torn. I love him very much, but the constant lies and secrets are killing me inside. Apparently he does it as a defense mechanism, some deep ingrained fear of being abandoned by me. I can honestly say he loves me and wants to stay together, but is the need for approval so vast that it might cause him to do these things?
Edit: I’m not going to argue about whether an emotional affair is considered a “real” affair. It most certainly is.