You stole John Wick’s car… and killed his dog.
Is this a cold spot?
It was only the cat.
This one drives me nuts! They never even give the investigator a hint on the phone.
When they announce that Sean Bean will be playing you in the movie adaptation of your life.
You hear strange noises in the basement of the creepy old house you’re staying in, so you grab a flashlight and slowly walk down the stairs to investigate.
It’s nothing, just a nagging cough.
While calling out, “Is anyone there? Who’s there?”
You have a nose bleed. Exception: If you then try to stop it by putting some ridiculous object against your nose, you’re in a comedy and you’re safe.
…You stow away in a small spaceship making a minimum fuel run to another planet.
You think you know who might be the killer, and decide to confront them (or go to their house/place or business to check for evidence) without telling anyone.
(Yes, I watch a lot of Hallmark Mystery movies)
You’re a woman and you throw up.
You’re out. You turn the key in the car ignition and the engine won’t catch.
“We interrupt this program to…”
If you’re of childbearing age, yup. If you’re postmenopausal, you’ve probably been poisoned.
If you’re a man and have a pain in your left arm, you’re having a heart attack. There’s never any other reason.
If you have a cough, and it’s prior to ~1900: TB. After 1900 and in a mid-Atlantic state or Wales: black lung disease. Mid 20th century to the present: lung cancer. No one on TV or in a movie ever coughs just because.
Has anyone seen the cat?
Also, you’re a woman and you are the only thing in this retired hardened killer’s world that is keeping him human.
Your walking alone on a dark street and a youngish man in a black leather jacket suddenly steps out of the shadows and asks what time it is.
You are the only person in the room who got along with the dead guy everyone else hated. The guy whose alibi is that he was home alone watching TV, and fell asleep, so he can’t remember what show was on, has already been arrested and subjected to a grueling interrogation by Elliot Stabler, and now his aunt, Jessica Fletcher, has hired Perry Mason to defend him.
I have big plans after this mission! Here, let me tell you all about them…