Defecation. Do vampires have to shit? Pee? If so wouldn’t that be a good way to catch them? (With their pants down, so to speak)
The world wonders…
They take in liquids(with a fair number of solids in suspension), I would expect them to excrete liquids(and a small amount of solids), especially if they live hundreds of years.
On the other hand, some of them can turn to mist, transmute into bats(with much less mass than the vampire in human form), and do other impossible things. So what’s a little “staying trim no matter how much they eat” comparatively?
Enjoy,
Steven
Depends on the version. I recall a Stephen King short story mentioned a vampire’s urine being red.
Blood is a very dilute food source. Vampire bats begin to urinate within a few minutes of beginning their blood meal, producing copious dilute urine. Their feces, consisting largely of the remains of red blood cells, are orange, viscous, and sticky.
Insofar as they are physical beings, human vampires would probably have the same requirements. So a vampire attack would probably involve not only having your blood sucked out but the indignity of being peed on at the same time.
Great. I can deal with the anemia and the bite marks, but vampire pee? Eeeewww.
The only time I had red urine is from the medicine the doctor gave me when I had the Clap. I promise I’m not a vampire. :dubious:
Maybe the vampires nibble a bit on the throat of their victims after their drink?
Any response from vampires out there will be welcome. Just don’t ask for my address.
Humanoid vampires would be more restrained, I’d think . . . hey, that’s why we never see vampires ! They’re all in the bathroom !
Now I have this image of a bunch of nervous, baffled looking male vampire hunters standing stakes and all outside the lady’s room. “Uh, guys . . . we can’t go in there.”
Maybe they’d be dancing impatiently from foot to foot while taking their meal.
A key factor in surviving vampire attacks ! They mutter “Dammit !” and run off to pee before draining you dry.
As mentioned above in Stephen King’s The Night Flier vampires pee red urine.
In the postmodern vamp film The Addiction. Christopher Walken has the line “I defecate. Do you do that?”
In short, it depends entirely on what author you ask.
Vampire bats will regurgitate blood into the mouth of another bat who didn’t get enough to drink that night.
I wonder if human vampires do that?
Awwww.
Idea for Valentine’s Day card, dawning on me!
I’ve read a story that addresses this. I can’t recall the name. In the story, vampires were living beings with protrusible, funky, tongues. Initially it had mom vomitting blood into baby’s mouth. Then, when mom was older, daughter would go out and get the blood to feed mom.
They are the Living Dead.
They are dead, their bowels do not move, they do not urinate. :rolleyes:
“I do not drink…wine.”
What’s with the rolleyes? According to King, they DO urinate. It’s not like there’s some clear, absolute answer here.
That’s “I never drink . . . wine.”
Then why don’t they all suffer from edema? The only bloated vampire I’ve ever seen was on True Blood (and that character isn’t even in the book it’s based on).
Because they are dead, you see. 
Fred Saberhagen never mentioned urination. 
A story by Kim Newman—“Andy Warhol’s Dracula.” I think it was online, once, though I don’t know how legally—featured this. Though it’s been awhile since I’ve read it, and given the circumstances of the story I’m not sure if it was clear if it was a “natural” vampiric life-process, or simply the result of one character deliberately gorging himself with more blood than he could process, simply so he could urinate—the reason being that the dried, powdered urine/blood filtered through a vampire could be taken by humans as a drug, temporarily bestowing freaky powers.
An interesting take to be sure. 'Thought he went a little overboard on the cameos for once, though.