Helpful background info: I work in academic medical research. The department I work for is falling apart. The department head and the most senior research after him are leaving for greener pastures. (Let’s call them Dr. Canada and Dr. California.) The researcher with the most seniority after these two guys is my boss.
Junior members of the department – an associate professor, a couple of post-docs – are trying to salvage the program. Dr. Boss is proposed as the interim department head, because of his seniority. Unfortunately, Dr. Boss is actively looking for another job somewhere else. Rumor has it that another university is courting him heavily. Over the last couple of months, Boss has lost his NIH grant, things at the hospital have been very hectic – they are seriously understaffed, and his right-hand man – my co-worker – is leaving for his home in Australia. Boss has been vocally pessimistic about reorganizing the department. U politics dictate that we can’t have a junior faculty member as a department head when there is a full fledged professor available, so the juniors are trying the get Boss to shut up and hope he hasn’t poisoned their efforts.
I’m stressed. The money for my salary comes from a fund available only to Dr. Boss. (The parents of a patient have an annual fund raiser for his research. Part of this money pays me.) If Dr. Boss leaves, I’m out of a job.
Also, my ego is bruised. I have worked for this lab for a year and a half. The biggest reason I took this job is to learn mouse surgery. Instead, I got shuffled into admin work and a project that went nowhere. My Aussie co-worker is offering to teach surgery to Dr. Canada’s and Dr. California’s staff, but hasn’t offered to continue my training. In addition to this, the junior faculty wants to hire Dr. California’s research assistant, K. They go on and on about how great she is and how losing someone with her skills would be a tragedy. I can’t help but think, “What the fuck am I, chopped liver?” Ever since my project fell through, my confidence has been in the toilet. Now I feel superfluous and unwanted.
Thanks for letting me vent.