I decided to start this thread based on another thread about women and what bad men do to women.
Victim blaming as it’s classically been understood has been to blame women for doing things they have every right to do, and which in a sane world would be perfectly safe activities. Things like walking down the street, wearing whatever the hell they wanted, and acting perfectly normal. “Well what did you expect dressed like that?” “Why were you walking in that neighborhood?” “Did you provoke him?”
But sometimes the victim is actually partly to blame. When I was a young 'un, I gave my ATM card and the PIN number to a woman who seemed to be in distress. She needed $20 for baby food, and I was busy at work. I got zero sympathy. People still kid me about that today. I was the victim, but I made myself a victim by being incredibly stupid.
So I maintain that “victim blaming” as a pejorative term, applies only to blaming people for doing things that people do in their everyday lives, or even small mistakes where there is no expectation of a disaster occurring. But if a person does something just incredibly risky, I think it’s fair to point out that a) they were incredibly stupid, and b) they became a victim because they were incredibly stupid. That doesn’t mean the perpetrator shouldn’t be found and punished, but it does merit a “so what have you learned from this experience?” lecture. No one has a reasonable expectation that nothing bad will happen if they go somewhere alone with a stranger. No one has a reasonable expectation that nothing bad will happen if they give their ATM card and PIN to a stranger. No one has a reasonable expectation that taking drugs from strangers will lead to a good time. No one has a reasonable expectation that if they loan their phone to a stranger that he’ll always give it back. And you certainly have no expectation that a person you met two weeks ago can be left alone with your children(that’s a pet peeve of mine that leads to a truckload of tragic headlines). Sometimes stupidity should be called out.
Thoughts?