Hitting a growling dog works just fine (as long as it is your dog)
I worked with kids, both mentally unstable and those taken from homes, for a number of years and one thing was stressed above all else.
Safety. Keeping you safe, keeping others safe, keeping the child safe from him/herself.
Touching was something I did daily (maybe it was allowed because of the type of work I did). There are numerous stories that could be told about de-escalation. Physical holding is probably the fastest way to de-escalate anyone. Period
It might not be the best way, but it works. I’m not usually the judgemental type, but I think the schools implemented the “no touching” rules they have now is so they DONT get sued…
Oh and btw the mom (I use that term very loosely) is a crackpot.
InvisibleWombat, the High School in this small town (population of 11,021 at the 2000 census) has campus police. What made me sad, is that in some places it is necessary to have campus police for Elementary schools.
Aye, and if you’ll reveiw my posts in this thread, I believe I’m the first one to attribute those words to the officer in this discussion. I was paraphrasing.
I go to a school in suburban atlanta, and I can tell you that we have 4 cops on duty at all times. 3 unarmed “security officers” and one full-time atlanta policewoman armed.
I have never, ever started a fight to the best of my knowledge in my entire life (I can’t remember back before I was 5, so you never know). I have, however, been a participant. In this case I was attacked, I fought back, I was appropriately punished for it, and I accepted the punishment without reservation even though I could have apealed it and likely would have been successful. It is not a lack of discipline to take measures to protect yourself.
Kids slap. It’s an absolute inevitability. But when they get bigger and stronger it stops being the cute little childish thing and starts to be a menace. Aaron is now over three feet tall and around 40 pounds. He is so much bigger than most kids his age that one day soon he’s going to be grab-assing with the other kids and someone’s going to slap him and he’s just going to lay them out. When that happens I will be forced to take measures to stem that behavior. Otherwise he’ll just grow up thinking that the bigger kids can do whatever they want, and that is unacceptable.
I was using that as an example of something that I will have to discipline my child for. You said there were better ways to discipline than spanking. In this case I suggest that a small amount of pain from spanking will associate with the larger amount of pain that he caused the other child and will stem the behavior. If you have some other alternative I’m more than willing to listen.
Oh, okay! I thought you wanted Aaron to be lay another kid out. Ne’min’, then.
I wasn’t talking about better methods of discipline than spanking. I was saying that the act of spanking has to be a clear cause-and-effect, otherwise it won’t condition the child.
How about telling him not to slap? It is not an absolute inevitability. Establish an expectation of no slapping. Use positive reinforcement and shaping techniques to elicit the desired behavior (praise him when he plays without hitting). Use punishments such as time out* and loss of privileges (e.g. no videogames for a day). If you establish a warm, positive, consistent and firm relationship, he will be motivated to earn your praise, avoid your disappointment, and avoid losses of reinforcers that occur when you place him in time out or restrict privileges. I have a 10 year old and a three year old. Neither has ever had any problem with aggression towards others. This despite allowing fairly aggressive rough-housing with me and allowing them to play violent video games. Of course, children have different temperaments and limitations. Mine may be less geared toward aggression against others in general.
*Time out is pretty simple, but is so often done very wrong. The principle behind time out is that it is a time out from all reinforcement. Think of it as a brief solitary confinement. All communication ceases. No responding to questions, arguments, or tears. It frustrates the hell out of me when in social circumstances to see parents use time out, because so often they continue to bicker with the child, answer questions, allow the child to leave time out, or let the child out early themselves.
I forgot to add that I often use my 10 year old son as an example of the power of behavioral techniques. Imaging trying to make your three year old come to you three times a day to take an injection. When my oldest was three, he developed diabetes. Initially he had the reaction to the insulin regimen that you might expect - he ran away and cried. Within two days he was taking his injections without complaint. We used nothing other than simple behavioral techniques.
I totally agree. If I slapped my kid’s butt (I don’t) I imagine she might even just laugh. That’s what she does when I forcibly remove her hand from my hair/eyes/flesh when she gets persnickety. But leave her alone for 30 seconds, and you would think the world was ending.
I was paraphrasing.